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When did all the older people go? When did all the older people go?
(1 day later)
When Laurie Taylor sat down at a dinner party and found himself to be in full agreement with all the guests, on each conversation topic, he should have known something was up.When Laurie Taylor sat down at a dinner party and found himself to be in full agreement with all the guests, on each conversation topic, he should have known something was up.
Dinner parties are imprisioning, for someDinner parties are imprisioning, for some
I don't like dinner parties. They remind me too much of all those times in childhood when I was constantly told by my mother that it was the height of bad manners to leave the table when other people were still eating.I don't like dinner parties. They remind me too much of all those times in childhood when I was constantly told by my mother that it was the height of bad manners to leave the table when other people were still eating.
Dinner parties are even more imprisoning. You're not only forced to sit still in your place until everyone has finished but you're also required to participate in every single conversation.Dinner parties are even more imprisoning. You're not only forced to sit still in your place until everyone has finished but you're also required to participate in every single conversation.
If I'm with half-a-dozen people in a pub and one of them starts to talk about a topic of little interest to me - the danger to life and limb of eating unpasteurised cheese or the advantages of having a mobile which tells you where to find the best Indian restaurant in Reading - then I'm free to strike up a quite different conversation with my immediate neighbour.If I'm with half-a-dozen people in a pub and one of them starts to talk about a topic of little interest to me - the danger to life and limb of eating unpasteurised cheese or the advantages of having a mobile which tells you where to find the best Indian restaurant in Reading - then I'm free to strike up a quite different conversation with my immediate neighbour.
But round the dinner table this would be considered as inappropriate as picking one's teeth with an olive stick. If someone starts a conversation about who might replace Gordon Brown as leader of the Labour Party then one's stuck for the next 30 minutes with Alan Johnson, Peter Mandelson and Jack Straw, whether one likes it or not.But round the dinner table this would be considered as inappropriate as picking one's teeth with an olive stick. If someone starts a conversation about who might replace Gordon Brown as leader of the Labour Party then one's stuck for the next 30 minutes with Alan Johnson, Peter Mandelson and Jack Straw, whether one likes it or not.
FIND OUT MORE Hear Laurie Taylor's Thinking Allowed on Radio 4 at 1600 on Wednesdays or 0015 on MondaysOr listen to it here on the iPlayerFIND OUT MORE Hear Laurie Taylor's Thinking Allowed on Radio 4 at 1600 on Wednesdays or 0015 on MondaysOr listen to it here on the iPlayer
But a week ago I attended a dinner party which proved to be quite out of the ordinary. Not for a single moment, not even in the typically long drawn-out cheese section of the meal, did I feel any urge to jump up from the table, pull on my overcoat, and dash down to the local pub for a pint of bitter and a bag of barbecue crisps.But a week ago I attended a dinner party which proved to be quite out of the ordinary. Not for a single moment, not even in the typically long drawn-out cheese section of the meal, did I feel any urge to jump up from the table, pull on my overcoat, and dash down to the local pub for a pint of bitter and a bag of barbecue crisps.
It wasn't the food which kept me so happily in my place. There's nothing at all wrong with a starter of gravlax, dill and sour cream, followed by roasted sea bass and supermarket tarte au citron, but I've eaten exactly that meal in the past while trying to fight off rigor mortis.It wasn't the food which kept me so happily in my place. There's nothing at all wrong with a starter of gravlax, dill and sour cream, followed by roasted sea bass and supermarket tarte au citron, but I've eaten exactly that meal in the past while trying to fight off rigor mortis.
No, what made the evening so delightful was the quality of the conversation. Somehow all the topics that were raised were simply full of interest. And even better was the amount of agreement that was generated. Whether we were talking about the future of democracy, the present state of universities, the advantage of this or that supermarket, the declining importance of civic responsibility, or even the demise of Big Brother, it inevitably ended in a jovial, almost back-slapping consensus.No, what made the evening so delightful was the quality of the conversation. Somehow all the topics that were raised were simply full of interest. And even better was the amount of agreement that was generated. Whether we were talking about the future of democracy, the present state of universities, the advantage of this or that supermarket, the declining importance of civic responsibility, or even the demise of Big Brother, it inevitably ended in a jovial, almost back-slapping consensus.
Indeed, it all went so well, that as the hostess was unveiling the goat's cheese and miniature gherkins, I ventured to comment upon the excellence of the evening. Wasn't it good that we were able to agree on so many things?Indeed, it all went so well, that as the hostess was unveiling the goat's cheese and miniature gherkins, I ventured to comment upon the excellence of the evening. Wasn't it good that we were able to agree on so many things?
Knowing your ageKnowing your age
"What do you expect?" said the hostess, arranging the water biscuits around the cheese plate. "We're all thoroughly middle class.""What do you expect?" said the hostess, arranging the water biscuits around the cheese plate. "We're all thoroughly middle class."
"But", I protested. "I've been going to middle class dinner parties for more years than I like to remember and I simply can't recall one at which there was so much agreement, so much convergence in attitudes and views, such a shared sense of what was wrong with the world and how it might be remedied.""But", I protested. "I've been going to middle class dinner parties for more years than I like to remember and I simply can't recall one at which there was so much agreement, so much convergence in attitudes and views, such a shared sense of what was wrong with the world and how it might be remedied."
My hostess pushed the large biscuit dish towards the centre of the table before fixing me a slightly sad smile. "You force me," she said "to tell you the other reason why you're so extraordinarily comfortable this evening. If you look around the table you'll see that everyone is nearly as old as you are. Frankly, Laurie, this has been a dinner for the elderly."My hostess pushed the large biscuit dish towards the centre of the table before fixing me a slightly sad smile. "You force me," she said "to tell you the other reason why you're so extraordinarily comfortable this evening. If you look around the table you'll see that everyone is nearly as old as you are. Frankly, Laurie, this has been a dinner for the elderly."
It was, I reflected afterwards, a deserved come-uppance. For much of my life I'm so anxious to overlook the significance of age that I deny any form of association with my contemporaries. I don't want to be in any of the categories that are on offer. I don't want to be a pensioner, a senior citizen, a bus-pass holder, or a mature member of society.It was, I reflected afterwards, a deserved come-uppance. For much of my life I'm so anxious to overlook the significance of age that I deny any form of association with my contemporaries. I don't want to be in any of the categories that are on offer. I don't want to be a pensioner, a senior citizen, a bus-pass holder, or a mature member of society.
After all as jazz musician Ronnie Scott once observed, "the only way to stay looking young is to hang around with people older than yourself." If only they weren't now in such short supply.After all as jazz musician Ronnie Scott once observed, "the only way to stay looking young is to hang around with people older than yourself." If only they weren't now in such short supply.


Add your comments on this story, using the form below. Below is a selection of your comments.
name="say"> Don't worry: they were probably all just agreeing with you out of politeness.MJW, London
The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide. href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/terms/">Terms & Conditions It's called the art of conversation. It's a declining social skill which I am convinced relates directly to the decline in family mealtimes around a proper table, and a society built on electronic communication. Oh, and don't forget that dinner parties are in decline as many people are unable/unwilling to cook a meal for others which consists of several courses. In short, a general decline in the skills of hosting and real people conversation. Yep - at 47 years old I am, without doubt part of this older generation.Jen, Folkestone
When everyone is apparently in agreement then that means you should possibly be playing the Devil's Advocate. Having unwittingly metamorphosed from "Enfant Terrible" to "Elder Statesman", I find that a convivial dinner-party is not the place to man the barricades. My tactic is to say knowingly, "ah - the key is JS Mill's dictum of 'do no harm' - but of course then the Devil is in the detail of what constitutes 'harm'".ChrisJK, UK
I went to a dinner party of eight people featuring a good number of those conversations a few weeks ago (I'm sure the demise of Big Brother would have been applauded had it happened before that time as well). And yet I was the oldest sat at the table, at the grand and stately age of 27 ... Surely it's not just about age?Kate Jones, Lancaster, UK
This epiphany about the years slipping by is not restricted to the over 55s. As a 40-something myself I was similarly enlightened recently, when standing in a queue, and a couple of students were larking about nearby. Instead of noticing young men and thinking "Hel-lo!" I found myself thinking "How will my six-yr-old look when he starts shaving? What kind of young man are we raising?" Sad. I would agree I have never seen age as particular significance but in opposition to the noted Ronnie Scott - I have friends whom are younger and they keep me in a younger mindset (though the moisturisers are dealing with new challenges).Gillian Boag, Elgin , Moray North East Scotland
Along with a few friends who rarely see each other, we regularly host dinner parties at each others' houses. We range in age from 26 to 31, all from differing backgrounds and each evening has been an event and extremely enjoyable. The topics of conversation range from the bizarre to current affairs. We have had to ban certain subjects and areas through agreement, but we laugh at the taboo areas. I don't think age is the significant factor. Being able to respect differences is the key, and if you have to, agree to disagree and respect that fact.Calum, Ipswich