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You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/apr/23/ill-miss-the-hours-sitting-side-by-side-teaching-my-daughter-how-to-drive
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| I’ll miss the hours sitting side by side, teaching my daughter how to drive | I’ll miss the hours sitting side by side, teaching my daughter how to drive |
| (4 months later) | |
| She called it my ‘therapy time’. Apparently, I was a vastly different style of driving instructor to her friends’ parents | She called it my ‘therapy time’. Apparently, I was a vastly different style of driving instructor to her friends’ parents |
| At the end of our street is a mostly empty car park dotted with bags of dumped McDonald’s rubbish, dying pot plants and graffiti. The council recently installed a bank of charging stations for electric vehicles, so sometimes a line of Teslas is now parked, strangely out-of-place in this mess. | At the end of our street is a mostly empty car park dotted with bags of dumped McDonald’s rubbish, dying pot plants and graffiti. The council recently installed a bank of charging stations for electric vehicles, so sometimes a line of Teslas is now parked, strangely out-of-place in this mess. |
| This car park has been home to many firsts in my family. The first time my son road a bike without training wheels. The first time we carried our cat on a late-night walk in a shopping bag. And the first time my daughter drove a car. | This car park has been home to many firsts in my family. The first time my son road a bike without training wheels. The first time we carried our cat on a late-night walk in a shopping bag. And the first time my daughter drove a car. |
| It was between Covid lockdowns in 2020 and we were all grieving. My kids had just lost their dad and my daughter was struggling to care about online schooling. As a distraction, I suggested a driving lesson in my ancient Subaru Forester. She had her L-plates but was reluctant at first because she has never been a fan of not being able to master something quickly. For a full week we drove around and around in circles because she refused to leave the safety of the car park. | It was between Covid lockdowns in 2020 and we were all grieving. My kids had just lost their dad and my daughter was struggling to care about online schooling. As a distraction, I suggested a driving lesson in my ancient Subaru Forester. She had her L-plates but was reluctant at first because she has never been a fan of not being able to master something quickly. For a full week we drove around and around in circles because she refused to leave the safety of the car park. |
| Teaching a child to drive is a little like teaching them to read, requiring patience and a calm voice. But mostly it requires not clutching at the dashboard every time they come dangerously close to scraping the side of a brand-new BMW. | Teaching a child to drive is a little like teaching them to read, requiring patience and a calm voice. But mostly it requires not clutching at the dashboard every time they come dangerously close to scraping the side of a brand-new BMW. |
| After a week of car park driving, I told her to hit the road. | After a week of car park driving, I told her to hit the road. |
| Melbourne’s streets were quiet. People were staying home, so it was an easy time to edge out into the traffic. During the second week of driving lessons, she mastered turning without hitting a parked car and finally remembered to take the handbrake off before accelerating. | Melbourne’s streets were quiet. People were staying home, so it was an easy time to edge out into the traffic. During the second week of driving lessons, she mastered turning without hitting a parked car and finally remembered to take the handbrake off before accelerating. |
| By the third week, her fear had gone. She even wanted the radio on while she was driving. I told her she had to reach 10 hours without incident and then she could listen to my choice of music. Quietly. | By the third week, her fear had gone. She even wanted the radio on while she was driving. I told her she had to reach 10 hours without incident and then she could listen to my choice of music. Quietly. |
| Each day, we’d drive. Sometimes for hours. It reminded me of all those incidental trips when one of the kids was in the passenger seat and conversation would flow. Sitting side by side, they’d tell me things they would never admit if we were facing each other. | Each day, we’d drive. Sometimes for hours. It reminded me of all those incidental trips when one of the kids was in the passenger seat and conversation would flow. Sitting side by side, they’d tell me things they would never admit if we were facing each other. |
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| Now it was my turn to talk. My daughter started calling it my therapy time. And it was. For the first time since my partner had died, I wasn’t in control. She was driving and I was a passenger and it was more freeing than I could have imagined. | Now it was my turn to talk. My daughter started calling it my therapy time. And it was. For the first time since my partner had died, I wasn’t in control. She was driving and I was a passenger and it was more freeing than I could have imagined. |
| Apparently, I wasn’t exactly the style of driving teacher that her friends’ parents were. I was very laid-back, relaxed even. I said it was because the car had done nearly 300,000 kms, it was insured and I was tired. But if I’m honest, it was because I was enjoying myself. | Apparently, I wasn’t exactly the style of driving teacher that her friends’ parents were. I was very laid-back, relaxed even. I said it was because the car had done nearly 300,000 kms, it was insured and I was tired. But if I’m honest, it was because I was enjoying myself. |
| For the past year, we’d lived through hundreds of days of restrictions, caring for someone who was dying. There had been little light. With my daughter learning the nuances of driving, came laughter. I wasn’t explicitly teaching, more that I just came along for the ride. | For the past year, we’d lived through hundreds of days of restrictions, caring for someone who was dying. There had been little light. With my daughter learning the nuances of driving, came laughter. I wasn’t explicitly teaching, more that I just came along for the ride. |
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| It was healing for her too. The more she drove, the more she wanted to drive, needing to master something when everything else seemed totally out of her control. | It was healing for her too. The more she drove, the more she wanted to drive, needing to master something when everything else seemed totally out of her control. |
| After she’d clocked up about 70 hours, I agreed that she could drive home from our summer camping holiday. It meant freeways, highways, small country towns and several hours at the wheel. We stopped often for her to take a break and she managed to navigate a massive storm that hit Mount Buffalo which brought trees down across many roads. | After she’d clocked up about 70 hours, I agreed that she could drive home from our summer camping holiday. It meant freeways, highways, small country towns and several hours at the wheel. We stopped often for her to take a break and she managed to navigate a massive storm that hit Mount Buffalo which brought trees down across many roads. |
| The last part of the journey was on the Hume Highway where the speed limit reached 110. My son was in the back playing DJ and I was relaxing in the passenger seat. Camping always softens me and somewhere between Seymour and Benalla, I fell asleep. | The last part of the journey was on the Hume Highway where the speed limit reached 110. My son was in the back playing DJ and I was relaxing in the passenger seat. Camping always softens me and somewhere between Seymour and Benalla, I fell asleep. |
| I woke to my children screaming at me that it was illegal for the licensed driver to sleep while the L-plater was driving and forced myself to stay awake until we got home. | I woke to my children screaming at me that it was illegal for the licensed driver to sleep while the L-plater was driving and forced myself to stay awake until we got home. |
| Both kids still mention my napping and where they are slightly horrified that I could rest while semi-trailer trucks hooned past, I understand it for what it is. I’d passed the baton. In all those hours of watching my daughter learn something, and revel in it, I’d handed her the reins. I was retreating. My children would overtake me. They would look after me sometime in the future if I was lucky. I was still their parent, but only just. They were learning all the skills they needed to leave. | Both kids still mention my napping and where they are slightly horrified that I could rest while semi-trailer trucks hooned past, I understand it for what it is. I’d passed the baton. In all those hours of watching my daughter learn something, and revel in it, I’d handed her the reins. I was retreating. My children would overtake me. They would look after me sometime in the future if I was lucky. I was still their parent, but only just. They were learning all the skills they needed to leave. |
| I’ve recently bought another second-hand car that isn’t ancient or held together by love. My daughter has booked in her driving test and I know if she passes, it will mean she’ll borrow my car without me in it. And as much as I want her to pass, I’ll also miss the hours we’ve spent, sitting side by side, learning something new about each other. | I’ve recently bought another second-hand car that isn’t ancient or held together by love. My daughter has booked in her driving test and I know if she passes, it will mean she’ll borrow my car without me in it. And as much as I want her to pass, I’ll also miss the hours we’ve spent, sitting side by side, learning something new about each other. |
| Nova Weetman is an award-winning author of books for children and young adults, including The Edge of Thirteen, winner of the Abia award 2022. |