Top marks for these scathing school reports

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2023/may/01/top-marks-for-these-scathing-school-reports

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Teachers and students recall their most caustic and amusing observations

Regarding your recent letters on school reports (Letters, 28 April), during my time teaching in a comprehensive school in the 1980s, a colleague submitted a report on a pupil that included the observation: “Wayne is at his best when he is absent, which is not often enough.” His comment was filtered out by a senior member of staff, but was often recalled in the staffroom.John CockellCongleton, Cheshire

A former colleague had written a one-word report on a pupil – “Idle”. The headmaster said that this was not enough and he must write more. He did so by inserting the word “Bone”.Chris du FeuDalgety Bay, Fife

Way back in the 1950s, a notoriously caustic teacher at Colchester royal grammar school delighted my parents with the report: “Not as good as he thinks.”John PyeSouthampton

“Well given up” was the report of my chemistry teacher in 1960 after an exam in which I was awarded a no doubt generous mark of 14%.Prof (not of chemistry) Bill SheilsYork

Geography report circa 1963: “Lack of ability such that he frequently fails to find his way to the lessons.”Griff EverettMilford, Derbyshire

My French teacher when I was 13: “Invincibly cheerful in spite of fearful lack of accurate knowledge.” The only laugh I got from Dad on a report.Judith ButlerMaidstone, Kent

My history teacher’s report at the end of my O-level year: “I have failed to combat Akiva’s determination to fail this subject.”Akiva SolemaniSt Leonards-on-Sea, East Sussex

A school report on my cousin: “We know young boys must have their fling … but we really think he has flung himself far enough.”Lynn WisemanLewes, East Sussex

I’m proud of my primary sports report. One word: “Sedentary.”Nick SalmonLeeds

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