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| Listen, do you want to know a secret? | Listen, do you want to know a secret? |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| Relationships are all about sharing, even when that means exchanging one's most intimate secrets. Right? Not if these examples are anything to go by. | Relationships are all about sharing, even when that means exchanging one's most intimate secrets. Right? Not if these examples are anything to go by. |
| We all have our secrets. I have my own, and no matter how much you ask me, I will keep them to myself thank you very much. Besides, it was legal in the particular country I was in at the time. | We all have our secrets. I have my own, and no matter how much you ask me, I will keep them to myself thank you very much. Besides, it was legal in the particular country I was in at the time. |
| FIND OUT MORE... iPM is on BBC Radio 4 at 0545 GMT on Saturday morningsVisit the iPM blog Or click here to hear the programme on the iPlayer | FIND OUT MORE... iPM is on BBC Radio 4 at 0545 GMT on Saturday morningsVisit the iPM blog Or click here to hear the programme on the iPlayer |
| Persuading people to part with what they have previously kept to themselves is not easy. But Radio 4's iPM programme has been prising some secrets from its listeners ahead of a special episode. | Persuading people to part with what they have previously kept to themselves is not easy. But Radio 4's iPM programme has been prising some secrets from its listeners ahead of a special episode. |
| Each week, iPM asks people to send in a sentence which sums up what has been happening in their lives. It goes to make a feature called Your News. | Each week, iPM asks people to send in a sentence which sums up what has been happening in their lives. It goes to make a feature called Your News. |
| A recent one stood out - a snapshot of news that a listener had chosen to broadcast to the world, yet keep secret from her nearest and dearest. | A recent one stood out - a snapshot of news that a listener had chosen to broadcast to the world, yet keep secret from her nearest and dearest. |
| I want to tell my partner that I'm a secret nudist and long to be naked at home, but I'm afraid he won't understand and ask me to leave | I want to tell my partner that I'm a secret nudist and long to be naked at home, but I'm afraid he won't understand and ask me to leave |
| We decided to solicit more secrets that people keep from their partners... and were met with a large response. | We decided to solicit more secrets that people keep from their partners... and were met with a large response. |
| Some couples clearly don't tell each other everything | Some couples clearly don't tell each other everything |
| People were very open and frank almost to the point it seemed they were unburdening themselves in a kind of cathartic exercise. Many had been holding on to their experience for a long time. | People were very open and frank almost to the point it seemed they were unburdening themselves in a kind of cathartic exercise. Many had been holding on to their experience for a long time. |
| Not everyone was totally serious - three people confessed to being "a secret lemonade drinker", which goes to show the power of advertising, even many years later. | Not everyone was totally serious - three people confessed to being "a secret lemonade drinker", which goes to show the power of advertising, even many years later. |
| The secrets though have tended to fall into a number of broad categories. | The secrets though have tended to fall into a number of broad categories. |
| I've been with my partner 14 years and we've got kids. I've never told her I'm a cross dresser | I've been with my partner 14 years and we've got kids. I've never told her I'm a cross dresser |
| I am a married woman having an inappropriate (although sexless) relationship with a Roman Catholic priest | I am a married woman having an inappropriate (although sexless) relationship with a Roman Catholic priest |
| A good number have been about money, some about affairs or sexual preferences, while others relate to things about "the real person" that they aren't willing to share. | A good number have been about money, some about affairs or sexual preferences, while others relate to things about "the real person" that they aren't willing to share. |
| Anonymity was promised and has been respected, which may have encouraged some to share what they had previously kept to themselves. And of those that we followed up, most responded by e-mail - perhaps a sign of the desire to keep things private. | Anonymity was promised and has been respected, which may have encouraged some to share what they had previously kept to themselves. And of those that we followed up, most responded by e-mail - perhaps a sign of the desire to keep things private. |
| One correspondent who sent us this... | One correspondent who sent us this... |
| I've got a bank account that I call my 'running away' account | I've got a bank account that I call my 'running away' account |
| ...agreed to flesh it out. | ...agreed to flesh it out. |
| For the last 15 years, she explained, she has put every £5 note she receives into an account her partner knows nothing about. | For the last 15 years, she explained, she has put every £5 note she receives into an account her partner knows nothing about. |
| "I call it my 'running away account' because a couple of friends have experienced real hardship when their marriages have broken down. They have no finances they can call their own. I don't expect my relationship to fall apart but who knows?" | "I call it my 'running away account' because a couple of friends have experienced real hardship when their marriages have broken down. They have no finances they can call their own. I don't expect my relationship to fall apart but who knows?" |
| I know my partner's passwords and regularly access his e-mail accounts Anonymous | I know my partner's passwords and regularly access his e-mail accounts Anonymous |
| Is the idea of keeping a secret from your loved one a bit off? Is it not lying by another name? | Is the idea of keeping a secret from your loved one a bit off? Is it not lying by another name? |
| For some, says Professor Alex Gardner, a chartered psychotherapist and psychologist, it's done with the concerns of the other half at heart. | For some, says Professor Alex Gardner, a chartered psychotherapist and psychologist, it's done with the concerns of the other half at heart. |
| "I don't think anyone finds it easy to lie, unless they are totally sociopathic," he says. "Some people lie by massaging the truth, by telling a half-truth, enough of the story to satisfy their partner - but they don't tell them the whole thing as sometimes that can be extremely wounding." | "I don't think anyone finds it easy to lie, unless they are totally sociopathic," he says. "Some people lie by massaging the truth, by telling a half-truth, enough of the story to satisfy their partner - but they don't tell them the whole thing as sometimes that can be extremely wounding." |
| Being upfront and confessing all is not always advisable. | Being upfront and confessing all is not always advisable. |
| "When you confess, you've got to ask if you're doing it for yourself or the other person. If you're doing it for the other person, then you're putting a burden on them that they really didn't need." | "When you confess, you've got to ask if you're doing it for yourself or the other person. If you're doing it for the other person, then you're putting a burden on them that they really didn't need." |
| Spotting when someone is withholding secrets comes better to women than to men, research says. They can pick up more easily what are known as "emotional connectors" in an established relationship; changes in things like tone of voice, the amount of personal touching, body language and eye contact. | Spotting when someone is withholding secrets comes better to women than to men, research says. They can pick up more easily what are known as "emotional connectors" in an established relationship; changes in things like tone of voice, the amount of personal touching, body language and eye contact. |
| My husband doesn't have any idea how much I weigh. I would rather cut my own leg off than tell him Anonymous | My husband doesn't have any idea how much I weigh. I would rather cut my own leg off than tell him Anonymous |
| "When someone is lying, inevitably they won't look you in the eye - or, if they are aware of that, they might make excessive eye contact, to try to show they are not avoiding looking you in the eye." | "When someone is lying, inevitably they won't look you in the eye - or, if they are aware of that, they might make excessive eye contact, to try to show they are not avoiding looking you in the eye." |
| But are secrets an inevitable part of any relationship? Could we ever reasonably expect to know everything about a partner? | But are secrets an inevitable part of any relationship? Could we ever reasonably expect to know everything about a partner? |
| Myra Bianco, who has been giving counselling to couples for more than 25 years, believes some element of privacy has to be expected - the defining question is how much. | Myra Bianco, who has been giving counselling to couples for more than 25 years, believes some element of privacy has to be expected - the defining question is how much. |
| "Every relationship is about regulating the distance between each partner," she says."We want to feel part of a relationship but equally that we remain autonomous, a separate human being." | "Every relationship is about regulating the distance between each partner," she says."We want to feel part of a relationship but equally that we remain autonomous, a separate human being." |
| Send in your own secrets using the form below. | Send in your own secrets using the form below. |
| My wife believes that I'm successful at work. The truth is I'm the most junior person in the office, I've been overlooked for promotion several times, and my colleagues all earn about 40% more than me despite doing almost identical jobs. I'm too ashamed to admit all of this to her though.R, London, England | |
| This isn't a totally new concept. Have you come across postsecret.com? It describes itself as "an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard".Kat, Leeds, West Yorkshire | |
| I used to a massive gambler - sadly, on the wrong side of bets frequently. Although I don't gamble these days (don't trust myself on even a £10 bet), my wife does not know.Alfred, Birmingham | |
| I have been with my partner for 11 years now and I have not yet told her that I think I am bi-sexual. This wouldn't affect our relationship but I find myself wanting to comment on men whilst with her.Jimmy, Edinburgh | |
| The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide. Terms & Conditions | The BBC may edit your comments and not all emails will be published. Your comments may be published on any BBC media worldwide. Terms & Conditions |