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On Grindr you're an object, like picking clothes online | On Grindr you're an object, like picking clothes online |
(about 13 hours later) | |
Lewis says Grindr offered a window to explore gay culture | Lewis says Grindr offered a window to explore gay culture |
For Lewis, hook-up apps such as Grindr offered a way to explore gay culture that had been missing in his upbringing in rural Dumfriesshire. | For Lewis, hook-up apps such as Grindr offered a way to explore gay culture that had been missing in his upbringing in rural Dumfriesshire. |
At first, he loved the excitement of casual sexual encounters being available at the swipe of a phone but soon it became addictive. | At first, he loved the excitement of casual sexual encounters being available at the swipe of a phone but soon it became addictive. |
"You get the validation, that dopamine hit when people message you and hit you up, it is enjoyable but that is the problem," he says. | "You get the validation, that dopamine hit when people message you and hit you up, it is enjoyable but that is the problem," he says. |
Lewis says it started to damage his self-esteem and he found himself chasing validation - equating his worth with his body. | Lewis says it started to damage his self-esteem and he found himself chasing validation - equating his worth with his body. |
He says low moods led him back to the app's loop of quick sexual encounters that often left him feeling "dirty and gross", fuelling his anxiety and depression. | He says low moods led him back to the app's loop of quick sexual encounters that often left him feeling "dirty and gross", fuelling his anxiety and depression. |
"On Grindr you're an object to them, like picking clothes on Asos," he says. | "On Grindr you're an object to them, like picking clothes on Asos," he says. |
Grindr, a social networking app for the GBTQ community, is the biggest app of its kind and it now has about 15 million active monthly users. | Grindr, a social networking app for the GBTQ community, is the biggest app of its kind and it now has about 15 million active monthly users. |
Many people, gay and heterosexual, use other apps for hook-ups too. | Many people, gay and heterosexual, use other apps for hook-ups too. |
Some enjoy it and don't think twice, while others feel there is a deeper issue and it has become a fast-track to instant gratification and has normalised easy access to sex. | Some enjoy it and don't think twice, while others feel there is a deeper issue and it has become a fast-track to instant gratification and has normalised easy access to sex. |
For Lewis, it has been challenging to establish more meaningful connections beyond sexual hook-ups in a world where many young gay men seem to be focused on one thing. | For Lewis, it has been challenging to establish more meaningful connections beyond sexual hook-ups in a world where many young gay men seem to be focused on one thing. |
"When you don't just want that, you feel like the odd one out," he says. | "When you don't just want that, you feel like the odd one out," he says. |
Jacob Alon's songs tackle the experience of casual sex with strangers on dating apps like Grindr | Jacob Alon's songs tackle the experience of casual sex with strangers on dating apps like Grindr |
Jacob Alon is an up-and-coming singer who played Glastonbury this summer and has been compared to 70s folk legend Nick Drake. | Jacob Alon is an up-and-coming singer who played Glastonbury this summer and has been compared to 70s folk legend Nick Drake. |
Alon's songs are often tender but they also tackle subjects such as casual sex with strangers on gay hook-up apps. | Alon's songs are often tender but they also tackle subjects such as casual sex with strangers on gay hook-up apps. |
One of the 25-year-old's most popular songs - Liquid Gold 25 - ends with the refrain: "This is where love comes to die." | One of the 25-year-old's most popular songs - Liquid Gold 25 - ends with the refrain: "This is where love comes to die." |
"I wrote that song after a series of hook-ups on Grindr that left me feeling quite empty and degraded," Alon tells the BBC Disclosure documentary Should We Hook Up?. | "I wrote that song after a series of hook-ups on Grindr that left me feeling quite empty and degraded," Alon tells the BBC Disclosure documentary Should We Hook Up?. |
"It can be great fun," the Scottish singer says. | "It can be great fun," the Scottish singer says. |
"But there is definitely a culture that can be quite toxic." | "But there is definitely a culture that can be quite toxic." |
Alon, who uses they/them pronouns, says in the past they put themselves in risky situations by meeting up with random strangers in a park in the middle of the night. | Alon, who uses they/them pronouns, says in the past they put themselves in risky situations by meeting up with random strangers in a park in the middle of the night. |
"Those people could have very easily hurt me and no-one would have known," they say. | "Those people could have very easily hurt me and no-one would have known," they say. |
"People have done things I didn't want them to do and not listened to me when I told them not to." | "People have done things I didn't want them to do and not listened to me when I told them not to." |
Hook-up culture in the gay community has deep roots, dating back to a time when same-sex relationships between men had to remain hidden. | Hook-up culture in the gay community has deep roots, dating back to a time when same-sex relationships between men had to remain hidden. |
Homosexual acts only became legal in England and Wales in 1967 and it was more than a decade later that Scotland followed suit. | Homosexual acts only became legal in England and Wales in 1967 and it was more than a decade later that Scotland followed suit. |
Today, hook-up culture means sex is available 24/7 - and with just a swipe of the phone in your pocket. | Today, hook-up culture means sex is available 24/7 - and with just a swipe of the phone in your pocket. |
Fintan, Kip and James say Grindr is for hook-ups and there was no pretence it is for anything other than sex. | Fintan, Kip and James say Grindr is for hook-ups and there was no pretence it is for anything other than sex. |
At a bar in Glasgow, Fintan, Kip and James say Grindr is for hook-ups and there was no pretence it is for anything other than sex. | At a bar in Glasgow, Fintan, Kip and James say Grindr is for hook-ups and there was no pretence it is for anything other than sex. |
"It's so superficial," 23-year-old Fintan says. | "It's so superficial," 23-year-old Fintan says. |
"Everyone's got three pictures or maybe just one picture. Nine times out 10 a lot of them are shirtless." | "Everyone's got three pictures or maybe just one picture. Nine times out 10 a lot of them are shirtless." |
Kip, who is 30, says there has never been any intention to build a genuine connection with someone on his hook-ups. | Kip, who is 30, says there has never been any intention to build a genuine connection with someone on his hook-ups. |
"It has never been 'wine and a gossip'," he says. "It's been 'take your knickers down, let's get to it'." | "It has never been 'wine and a gossip'," he says. "It's been 'take your knickers down, let's get to it'." |
But Kip says it is not always a great experience. | But Kip says it is not always a great experience. |
"Sometimes I have left and I have thought: 'that was so hot, I'm so amazing'. | "Sometimes I have left and I have thought: 'that was so hot, I'm so amazing'. |
"But there are other times when you leave and it is 07:00 and people are going to work and you are there shivering, feeling dirty and dejected." | "But there are other times when you leave and it is 07:00 and people are going to work and you are there shivering, feeling dirty and dejected." |
In response to the BBC documentary, a Grindr spokesperson said: "We take seriously the responsibility that comes with being a platform used by millions of LGBTQ+ people every day, and we're committed to supporting their wellbeing in all its forms." | In response to the BBC documentary, a Grindr spokesperson said: "We take seriously the responsibility that comes with being a platform used by millions of LGBTQ+ people every day, and we're committed to supporting their wellbeing in all its forms." |
If you or someone you know needs information or support for issues about sexuality or gender, there are details on the BBC Action Line. |
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