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| Royal wedding: Should your brother be your best man? | Royal wedding: Should your brother be your best man? |
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| By Jon Kelly BBC News Magazine | By Jon Kelly BBC News Magazine |
| Prince William has chosen his brother Harry to be his best man. But is selecting one's sibling for this most crucial of matrimonial roles a good idea? | Prince William has chosen his brother Harry to be his best man. But is selecting one's sibling for this most crucial of matrimonial roles a good idea? |
| For would-be grooms, it is a common conundrum - finding a close acquaintance who can organise a suitably eventful stag do yet not say anything too embarrassing during their speech. | For would-be grooms, it is a common conundrum - finding a close acquaintance who can organise a suitably eventful stag do yet not say anything too embarrassing during their speech. |
| Picking the best man is always a crucial decision for any husband-to-be, and Prince William has nominated his brother Harry for the role. In doing so, he follows the example of many men who have negotiated the often delicate politics of making the appointment by naming a sibling. | Picking the best man is always a crucial decision for any husband-to-be, and Prince William has nominated his brother Harry for the role. In doing so, he follows the example of many men who have negotiated the often delicate politics of making the appointment by naming a sibling. |
| By picking one friend as best man, of course, a groom runs the risk of offending or upsetting his others. | By picking one friend as best man, of course, a groom runs the risk of offending or upsetting his others. |
| At a time when male companionship is under greater cultural scrutiny via the so-called "bromance" movie genre, a man might be forgiven for swerving this social minefield by nominating instead someone with whom his relationship transcends straightforward friendship: his brother. | At a time when male companionship is under greater cultural scrutiny via the so-called "bromance" movie genre, a man might be forgiven for swerving this social minefield by nominating instead someone with whom his relationship transcends straightforward friendship: his brother. |
| Of course, fraternal bonds can be as intense and fraught as any. And a shared childhood potentially offers an even greater store of tales with which to humiliate you in the after-dinner address. | Of course, fraternal bonds can be as intense and fraught as any. And a shared childhood potentially offers an even greater store of tales with which to humiliate you in the after-dinner address. |
| The author Tim Lott has written extensively about the perils of sibling rivalry, drawn from personal experience, in his novel Under The Same Stars. Nonetheless, he recognises that brothers offer a handy get-out from what could otherwise be an awkward situation. | The author Tim Lott has written extensively about the perils of sibling rivalry, drawn from personal experience, in his novel Under The Same Stars. Nonetheless, he recognises that brothers offer a handy get-out from what could otherwise be an awkward situation. |
| "The good thing about it is that it relieves you of the pressure telling friends that you've chosen one of them over the others," he says. | "The good thing about it is that it relieves you of the pressure telling friends that you've chosen one of them over the others," he says. |
| However, at his own wedding Lott straddled both camps by asking both his best friend and his younger brother to share the role - a combination he believes offered the best of both worlds. | However, at his own wedding Lott straddled both camps by asking both his best friend and his younger brother to share the role - a combination he believes offered the best of both worlds. |
| "My brother is not the most confident public speaker, so he gave a short and very touching speech," Lott says. "My friend gave a longer, and altogether more malicious one. It was a good balance." | "My brother is not the most confident public speaker, so he gave a short and very touching speech," Lott says. "My friend gave a longer, and altogether more malicious one. It was a good balance." |
| The fact that the best man traditionally delivers a speech at the reception gives the role an added degree of responsibility - and potential danger - compared with that of the chief bridesmaid or maid of honour, a position that will be occupied by Kate Middleton's sister Pippa in the Royal wedding. | The fact that the best man traditionally delivers a speech at the reception gives the role an added degree of responsibility - and potential danger - compared with that of the chief bridesmaid or maid of honour, a position that will be occupied by Kate Middleton's sister Pippa in the Royal wedding. |
| Keen royal-watchers will be intrigued to see how Harry handles the task of delivering a speech and stag do that avoids making the headlines for the wrong reasons. | Keen royal-watchers will be intrigued to see how Harry handles the task of delivering a speech and stag do that avoids making the headlines for the wrong reasons. |
| Indeed, not everyone agrees that brothers are the right picks for such a sensitive job. | Indeed, not everyone agrees that brothers are the right picks for such a sensitive job. |
| The journalist Toby Young admits he has been a disastrous best man in the past, misjudging the mood of the occasion and telling wildly inappropriate stories about the groom. | The journalist Toby Young admits he has been a disastrous best man in the past, misjudging the mood of the occasion and telling wildly inappropriate stories about the groom. |
| But while he acknowledges that most men embarking on matrimony will seek a less volatile candidate, he regards the selection of a sibling as, essentially, a cop-out. | But while he acknowledges that most men embarking on matrimony will seek a less volatile candidate, he regards the selection of a sibling as, essentially, a cop-out. |
| "I'm always slightly disappointed when friends of mine have chosen their brothers," he says. | "I'm always slightly disappointed when friends of mine have chosen their brothers," he says. |
| "As an embarrassment strategy it's not always foolproof, however. I've gone to several weddings where brothers have given buttock-clenchingly embarrassing speeches and revealed things about the groom that he would have preferred to have remained secret. | "As an embarrassment strategy it's not always foolproof, however. I've gone to several weddings where brothers have given buttock-clenchingly embarrassing speeches and revealed things about the groom that he would have preferred to have remained secret. |
| "An alternative way to placate close male friends is to make them all ushers - I was one of 25 at one posh wedding." | "An alternative way to placate close male friends is to make them all ushers - I was one of 25 at one posh wedding." |
| Still, the sibling option is one that wedding planner Mark Niemierko says he has witnessed increasingly in recent years. | Still, the sibling option is one that wedding planner Mark Niemierko says he has witnessed increasingly in recent years. |
| He says the fact that Prince William has only one brother, while Kate Middleton has only one sister, means that nominating their roles was more straightforward than it might have been for other families. | He says the fact that Prince William has only one brother, while Kate Middleton has only one sister, means that nominating their roles was more straightforward than it might have been for other families. |
| "I have three brothers, so when one of mine got married last year he didn't pick one of us," he says. "It all depends on the relationship. But this is now pretty common. | "I have three brothers, so when one of mine got married last year he didn't pick one of us," he says. "It all depends on the relationship. But this is now pretty common. |
| "But what this shows is that this is a more modern royal wedding - they aren't doing what previous royals did." | "But what this shows is that this is a more modern royal wedding - they aren't doing what previous royals did." |
| Whether or not this is true, it seems likely that attendees of this particular reception will look forward to the speeches with an unusual degree of anticipation. | Whether or not this is true, it seems likely that attendees of this particular reception will look forward to the speeches with an unusual degree of anticipation. |
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| Choosing your brother is by no means a cop-out - I chose mine knowing full well that he'd be the perfect person to deliver a hilarious and memorable speech. He knows me better than anyone - and knows stories that nobody else does! I think if you've got a brother you're close to there really is no better option for all involved - people are still raving about his speech 2 years on! | Choosing your brother is by no means a cop-out - I chose mine knowing full well that he'd be the perfect person to deliver a hilarious and memorable speech. He knows me better than anyone - and knows stories that nobody else does! I think if you've got a brother you're close to there really is no better option for all involved - people are still raving about his speech 2 years on! |
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| I would imagine that when Prince William chose his best man, another consideration was "do I want to thrust my best friend into the full glare of the worlds press?" If it were me, I would chose a sibling who was already in the public eye to shield my friends. | I would imagine that when Prince William chose his best man, another consideration was "do I want to thrust my best friend into the full glare of the worlds press?" If it were me, I would chose a sibling who was already in the public eye to shield my friends. |
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| I was the best man for both a very good friend, and also my brother. Both were treated exactly the same, with sincerity and embarrasement in equal measure.When I got married I had the conundrum of which to pick. Both would have been amazing, my friend would have done as good a job as my brother did. But with my brother I knew he had the added pressure of behaving for his family too! | I was the best man for both a very good friend, and also my brother. Both were treated exactly the same, with sincerity and embarrasement in equal measure.When I got married I had the conundrum of which to pick. Both would have been amazing, my friend would have done as good a job as my brother did. But with my brother I knew he had the added pressure of behaving for his family too! |
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| I picked my brother to be my best man and I think it was a great decision. Not only did I have a closer level of control over things he was planning, he was also less likely to rebel and do things differently. I think you could potentially damage a relationship with your best friend if he messes up being your best man, but with siblings you're used to arguing over petty things :-) | I picked my brother to be my best man and I think it was a great decision. Not only did I have a closer level of control over things he was planning, he was also less likely to rebel and do things differently. I think you could potentially damage a relationship with your best friend if he messes up being your best man, but with siblings you're used to arguing over petty things :-) |
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