Westminister digested

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/apr/11/westminster-digested

Version 0 of 1.

<strong>Osborne: </strong>Guess what, Cams? Apparently rich people try to get away with paying as little tax as possible.

<strong>Cameron: </strong>That's simply outrageous. What kind of Big Society are we living in, if you can't even trust people like us to play the white man?

<strong>Osborne: </strong>I couldn't agree more.

<strong>Cameron: </strong>It's time someone showed a bit of leadership round here.

<strong>Osborne: </strong>Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing, Cams?

<strong>Cameron: </strong>I suppose it is. I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll publish all the details of our earnings so that everyone knows just how rich we are.

<strong>Osborne:</strong> Just one thing. I won't have to say how much money my offshore trust fund is making, will I?

<strong>Cameron: </strong>Absolutely not, dear boy! There's a world of difference between prudent tax planning and tax avoidance, and we wouldn't want to rock that particular boat ...

<strong>Osborne: </strong>You're so right ...

<strong>Cameron: </strong>I don't think I'll mention any of the private assets I've transferred over to Sam. This isn't about punishing the family. Except those on benefits, of course. It's about being as transparently vague as possible.

<strong>Osborne: </strong>We are going to make the Cleggster fess up too, aren't we?

<strong>Cameron: </strong>Too bloody right. The boy has been like a grumpy teenager lately.

<strong>Clegg: </strong>What's all this with the repressive surveillance shit and shit?

<strong>Cameron: </strong>Oh, do stop whining ...

<strong>Clegg: </strong>But all my friends say it's like really heavy and fascist ...

<strong>Cameron: </strong>That's enough of that. And, by the way, many of the cabinet are saying they can never get a reply from your department because you're always lounging around in bed.

<strong>Clegg: </strong>I'm totally zonked, man. I so need a holiday.

<strong>Cameron: </strong>It's me who is off to Japan.

<strong>Nissan: </strong>We will build a new car in Britain if you make it worth our while.

<strong>Cameron: </strong>How about I rename the north-east the Land of the Rising Sunderland? Now, does anyone want to buy some heavy weaponry?

<strong>Every dodgy regime: </strong>Yes please.

<strong>Cameron: </strong>Jesus, what's that noise?

<strong>Osborne: </strong>It was just the stock market crashing again.