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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2012/jun/21/julian-assange-escape-routes-ecuador-embassy
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| Version 0 | Version 1 |
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| Julian Assange: five escape routes from the Ecuadorian embassy | Julian Assange: five escape routes from the Ecuadorian embassy |
| (40 minutes later) | |
| Option 1: Order a pizza. Order two – it's an embassy. When the delivery boy turns up, knock him unconscious, swap clothes and dye his hair white. Exit the embassy by the front door and escape on Domino's branded moped, leaving delivery boy to face extradition to the US via Sweden. Proceed to the nearest Domino's outlet to pick up the next order. This is your life now, and remember: if you don't get it there in 30 minutes, they don't have to pay. | Option 1: Order a pizza. Order two – it's an embassy. When the delivery boy turns up, knock him unconscious, swap clothes and dye his hair white. Exit the embassy by the front door and escape on Domino's branded moped, leaving delivery boy to face extradition to the US via Sweden. Proceed to the nearest Domino's outlet to pick up the next order. This is your life now, and remember: if you don't get it there in 30 minutes, they don't have to pay. |
| Option 2: Ascend to embassy roof. Climb out and clamber, parkour-style, to the roof of an adjacent building in Basil Street. Smash skylight, sneak down the back stairwell and exit to the street through Starbucks, posing as a customer carrying a latte grande and a free newspaper. Be sure to use a fake name when ordering – otherwise they'll write "Julian" on the cup and give the game away. | Option 2: Ascend to embassy roof. Climb out and clamber, parkour-style, to the roof of an adjacent building in Basil Street. Smash skylight, sneak down the back stairwell and exit to the street through Starbucks, posing as a customer carrying a latte grande and a free newspaper. Be sure to use a fake name when ordering – otherwise they'll write "Julian" on the cup and give the game away. |
| Option 3: Await the arrival of the Ecuadorian Olympic team for some kind of official reception. Mingle with team members until you find one who's got a uniform that will fit you (note: it might be a woman). Don uniform, including hat, and get on the bus with the rest of the team. Lie low at the athlete's village until the games begin. You will probably have to participate in the opening ceremony, and possibly one or two events. Try javelin – if you get rumbled you can use it to fend off security people. They're probably unpaid, so they won't take any risks. | |
| Option 4: Ascend to embassy roof. Fire cable-loaded crossbow (all embassies have these; ask at reception) across the street to Harrod's roof. Secure and tighten the cable, then slide across, flying-fox style, using your belt as a handle. Make your way to the Harrod's helipad (Mohammed al-Fayed never got permission to use it, but your co-conspirators should be able to spot its fading H from above). Await rescue from the air. Don't fly over the Olympics site on your way out; they've got missile launchers mounted on blocks of flats out that way. | Option 4: Ascend to embassy roof. Fire cable-loaded crossbow (all embassies have these; ask at reception) across the street to Harrod's roof. Secure and tighten the cable, then slide across, flying-fox style, using your belt as a handle. Make your way to the Harrod's helipad (Mohammed al-Fayed never got permission to use it, but your co-conspirators should be able to spot its fading H from above). Await rescue from the air. Don't fly over the Olympics site on your way out; they've got missile launchers mounted on blocks of flats out that way. |
| Option 5: Stay put. People seeking asylum often spend years in embassies, sleeping in the basement and waiting for the heat to die down. You might get sick of the taste of Ferrero Rocher after a while, but in a decade or so people will forget why you went in there in the first place. Settle in for the long haul: read books, cultivate a beard and try not to get on the staff's nerves. You know what you can be like. | Option 5: Stay put. People seeking asylum often spend years in embassies, sleeping in the basement and waiting for the heat to die down. You might get sick of the taste of Ferrero Rocher after a while, but in a decade or so people will forget why you went in there in the first place. Settle in for the long haul: read books, cultivate a beard and try not to get on the staff's nerves. You know what you can be like. |