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| New York nanny stabbing stirs debate – and fear – among city's parents | New York nanny stabbing stirs debate – and fear – among city's parents |
| (about 1 month later) | |
| After a nanny allegedly killed two children in her care on the upper west side of New York on Thursday afternoon before apparently attempting suicide, the message boards at Urban Baby lit up with one consistent theme: how this terrible event will affect the relationship between parents and carers. | After a nanny allegedly killed two children in her care on the upper west side of New York on Thursday afternoon before apparently attempting suicide, the message boards at Urban Baby lit up with one consistent theme: how this terrible event will affect the relationship between parents and carers. |
| "I think after this tragedy with the nanny, people will be very hesitant to hire," one post began. | "I think after this tragedy with the nanny, people will be very hesitant to hire," one post began. |
| "Yes for sure!" was the immediate response. "I've had mine for five years and we love her like family but even so right now I'm a bit freaked out!" | "Yes for sure!" was the immediate response. "I've had mine for five years and we love her like family but even so right now I'm a bit freaked out!" |
| And then – most tellingly: "How many of you with nannies now will look at them more carefully?" | And then – most tellingly: "How many of you with nannies now will look at them more carefully?" |
| The nanny world in New York is like that of any other major metropolitan city – unorganized, vital, filled with a mix of experienced carers and inexperienced teens. Meanwhile working families are completely dependent on childcare. Without someone to take care of the kids – particularly in the years before they start school – a parent can't work. There is very little organized daycare available in the city, so in order for a mother and father to gain employment, they have to become an employer. | The nanny world in New York is like that of any other major metropolitan city – unorganized, vital, filled with a mix of experienced carers and inexperienced teens. Meanwhile working families are completely dependent on childcare. Without someone to take care of the kids – particularly in the years before they start school – a parent can't work. There is very little organized daycare available in the city, so in order for a mother and father to gain employment, they have to become an employer. |
| So this economic backbone of the city is considered a subculture at best. Hires are mostly done by word of mouth. Despite bravado talk of background checks, they are as rare as nanny cams. There are agencies, but they are expensive. References are often out of date or inaccurate and impossible to check. Many nannies or babysitters advertise their services with homemade signs they stick up in pediatricians offices, libraries, the entrance to school and even lamp posts, with tear strips of their phone numbers printed at the bottom. Payment is low and in cash. Many nannies come from immigrant communities and work for affluent white families. Resentment on both sides is common. | So this economic backbone of the city is considered a subculture at best. Hires are mostly done by word of mouth. Despite bravado talk of background checks, they are as rare as nanny cams. There are agencies, but they are expensive. References are often out of date or inaccurate and impossible to check. Many nannies or babysitters advertise their services with homemade signs they stick up in pediatricians offices, libraries, the entrance to school and even lamp posts, with tear strips of their phone numbers printed at the bottom. Payment is low and in cash. Many nannies come from immigrant communities and work for affluent white families. Resentment on both sides is common. |
| Mothers (and the relationship between parents and nannies is conducted mostly through the mother, although that balance is beginning to change) want to believe they are leaving their small children in not just safe but loving hands. Yet, while the violent circumstances of Thursday's incident are unique, employment often ends in a moment, with a nanny just disappearing or a family firing her on the spot. | Mothers (and the relationship between parents and nannies is conducted mostly through the mother, although that balance is beginning to change) want to believe they are leaving their small children in not just safe but loving hands. Yet, while the violent circumstances of Thursday's incident are unique, employment often ends in a moment, with a nanny just disappearing or a family firing her on the spot. |
| In a situation where parents want to feel they are conducting a relationship not a transaction, trust is a fragile commodity. Familiarity flows one way. A nanny may know practically everything about her employers, but they are rarely interested in the domestic circumstances of her own life. Parents confide in her, they think of her as "family", but she rarely is. | In a situation where parents want to feel they are conducting a relationship not a transaction, trust is a fragile commodity. Familiarity flows one way. A nanny may know practically everything about her employers, but they are rarely interested in the domestic circumstances of her own life. Parents confide in her, they think of her as "family", but she rarely is. |
| The Krim family were different in this regard. They had actually visited their nanny's home in the Dominican Republic and even spent a few days at her sister's home in Santiago. "We met Josie's amazing familia!!!" Marina Krim wrote on her family blog. "And the Dominican Republic is a wonderful country!! More pics to come!!" | The Krim family were different in this regard. They had actually visited their nanny's home in the Dominican Republic and even spent a few days at her sister's home in Santiago. "We met Josie's amazing familia!!!" Marina Krim wrote on her family blog. "And the Dominican Republic is a wonderful country!! More pics to come!!" |
| The relative affluence of the Krims' neighborhood, close to Central Park, and the family's schedule for the day in which this happened, was typical for New York City. In the late afternoon, when the murders of six-year-old Lulu and two-year-old Leo apparently took place, their mother, Marina Krim, 38, was at a swimming lesson with three-year-old Nessie. Their father, Kevin, a CNBC executive, was on a plane back from the west coast. Marina Krim did not work full-time. She taught occasional art classes at the local playground, where nannies and mothers often interact, and regularly blogged about her family life, posting pictures and amusing comments. | The relative affluence of the Krims' neighborhood, close to Central Park, and the family's schedule for the day in which this happened, was typical for New York City. In the late afternoon, when the murders of six-year-old Lulu and two-year-old Leo apparently took place, their mother, Marina Krim, 38, was at a swimming lesson with three-year-old Nessie. Their father, Kevin, a CNBC executive, was on a plane back from the west coast. Marina Krim did not work full-time. She taught occasional art classes at the local playground, where nannies and mothers often interact, and regularly blogged about her family life, posting pictures and amusing comments. |
| Many women on the upper west side of New York quit their careers when their children are born and stay at home with them. It's not unusual for these stay-at-home mothers to be able to afford to hire full- or part-time supplemental help on the basis of their husband's salary alone. Like Marina Krim, they divide the childcare with the nanny, taking their kids to classes and playgroups the park or the children's museums, the beach or local farms. They volunteer at school. While this is beyond the reach of most families in New York, in affluent circles, this is normal. | Many women on the upper west side of New York quit their careers when their children are born and stay at home with them. It's not unusual for these stay-at-home mothers to be able to afford to hire full- or part-time supplemental help on the basis of their husband's salary alone. Like Marina Krim, they divide the childcare with the nanny, taking their kids to classes and playgroups the park or the children's museums, the beach or local farms. They volunteer at school. While this is beyond the reach of most families in New York, in affluent circles, this is normal. |
| But the shock of this crime transcends class boundaries, and families all over the city and beyond must be asking themselves the same questions. Will more mothers stay at home with their children after this killing? How many will, as the message boards ask, look at their nannies differently and trust them less? Will sales of nanny cams go up and background checks increase? Irrational panic is inevitable. Some women may think about quitting their jobs, and others might even consider letting their nannies go. | But the shock of this crime transcends class boundaries, and families all over the city and beyond must be asking themselves the same questions. Will more mothers stay at home with their children after this killing? How many will, as the message boards ask, look at their nannies differently and trust them less? Will sales of nanny cams go up and background checks increase? Irrational panic is inevitable. Some women may think about quitting their jobs, and others might even consider letting their nannies go. |
| As for nannies, they will fear that attitudes towards them will harden. As one nanny posted on Urban Baby: "I'm … frightened that people will start thinking that all nannies are the sort who would somehow 'snap' and hurt children. I promise, I swear to you, we're not all like that and some of us are just as tearful tonight as you moms are … It breaks my heart, even more than the murder, that those children died frightened and betrayed by someone who was supposed to love and protect them. | As for nannies, they will fear that attitudes towards them will harden. As one nanny posted on Urban Baby: "I'm … frightened that people will start thinking that all nannies are the sort who would somehow 'snap' and hurt children. I promise, I swear to you, we're not all like that and some of us are just as tearful tonight as you moms are … It breaks my heart, even more than the murder, that those children died frightened and betrayed by someone who was supposed to love and protect them. |
| "It makes me want to stop being a nanny and become a ... superhero, or a cop with laser eyes, or someone so strong that I could stop anyone who wanted to hurt kids anywhere. Instead, I know I'll just keep going to work and hugging the kids, because what else can we do?" | "It makes me want to stop being a nanny and become a ... superhero, or a cop with laser eyes, or someone so strong that I could stop anyone who wanted to hurt kids anywhere. Instead, I know I'll just keep going to work and hugging the kids, because what else can we do?" |
| It is, of course, impossible to make sense out of something so senseless. But it's clear that an already uneasy relationship has overnight become altogether more complex. | It is, of course, impossible to make sense out of something so senseless. But it's clear that an already uneasy relationship has overnight become altogether more complex. |
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