Where are Scotland's rhetoricians and wordsmiths?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/25/kevin-mckenna-debate-holyrood-shocking

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There have been occasions in the past few months (and these have been occurring with increasing frequency) when I think I am more excited at the prospect of an independent Scotland than some nationalists. Certainly, the prospect of a national two-year debate that will define our future is one, I had thought, that would engage any Scot above voting age. Previous Scots have not enjoyed the privilege of being alive at such a momentous period in our nation's history.

And so I suppose I had assumed that, at all levels of Scottish society and, especially, in the Holyrood debating chamber, it would be possible to witness a heightened awareness of our destiny and our place in the scheme of things. There would be added lustre to proceedings. I'm not saying here that I'm expecting declamations and soliloquies of an Abraham Lincoln stature but I thought the debates would rattle along with a spring in their step all the same.

A few weeks before the independence referendum, each of the MSPs currently sitting at Holyrood will, God spare them, have the honour of debating Scotland's future in the highest forum in the land under an unprecedented degree of global scrutiny. Each of them will have an opportunity to contribute something meaningful to the debate and to have it entered for the record. As such, they have a chance to be quoted and studied by future generations of Scots when they come to study the chapter on 2014.

So you would've thought they would all be taking elocution lessons and that our political parties would be demanding that they participate in seminars on effective public speaking. And would it be too much to expect that they are all given an approved list of acceptable dress designers? Perhaps even a hair stylist who isn't on valium… or doing it for a bet.

This is their job after all and surely, even after they've all safely employed their spouses and those of their children who have thus far been immune to a regular income, there must be enough of their expenses left to cover the cost of such self-improvement courses. Do they not want to at least look and sound like statesmen when it's their turn to talk about the state of Scotland?

Over the course of the next two years, Scotland will be visited by every news organisation on the planet eager to take a snapshot of a country preparing to face its destiny. There is a lot of love and admiration out there for this country and for what it has achieved in the world and they all want us to make the right decision and to be there with us when we do. I sincerely hope, though, that none of them was here last week to witness a truly pitiful episode in Holyrood's short and unlovely history.

This was when Tricia Marwick, Holyrood's presiding officer, suspended a Labour MSP from the chamber for showing her "gross disrespect". The Labour MSP in question was one Michael McMahon, who summoned all the wit and dash at his disposal to shout: "You're out of order" to Ms Marwick during another heated exchange on a matter of absolutely no consequence to the country at large.

Following Mr McMahon's moment of intellectual clarity, Ms Marwick was seen consulting with a chap sitting beside her who looks like a sixth-form prefect. "Was that Michael McMahon?" she asked, in the manner of a nervous teacher who's just had chewing gum thrown at her back. The following day, Ms Marwick, in the simple task of informing Holyrood that McMahon was being suspended, looked like a woman who has been asked to read out a statement in Cantonese.

And what was the issue that had originally moved McMahon to such Churchillian heights of rhetoric? It seems Alex Salmond had overstated the number of green energy jobs in Scotland last month by about 7,000. And then, in a move that appears to have shaken the moral timbers of Holyrood to their joints, the first minister had the official record changed… and didnae tell the MSPs. Holy fuck.

In some parts of Scotland, 90% of the locals are on benefits. The greed and lies of our energy companies will lead to widespread fuel poverty this winter. And Scotland's Labour leadership thinks we live in a "something for nothing" culture. Yet all we get in Holyrood is a semi-literate rabble breaking out about the minutiae of Holyrood's official record. The Tories even want an official ruling on this because – and I am kidding you not a jot – it undermines "the founding principles" of Parliament. This tells you all you need to know about why the Tories in Scotland have become the Toytown party.

Ms Marwick was an unwise choice of Alex Salmond to be presiding officer in the first place. With an unprecedented overall majority at Holyrood and with the committees all dominated by his party, he had the chance to ensure some semblance of political statehood by appointing a non-nationalist to the chair. Instead, he chose Ms Marwick, a hard-working and decent MSP who, nonetheless, will not be getting asked to speak at the rhetorician of the year awards in the immediate future. Both she and Mr McMahon need to up their game drastically.

There is a perverse irony in all this. The exchange between Mr McMahon and Ms Marwick was part of a wider dispute about Mike Russell's continuing troubles with Scotland's FE colleges. He stands accused of treating them in a high-handed manner and wilfully misleading Holyrood about college funding. Let's be frank here. Mr Russell can be a belligerent and self-regarding individual who would probably treat the Pope in a high-handed manner. Nevertheless, as the assorted bottom-feeders and scurriers from the other parties call on him to resign, I hope he and Mr Salmond will continue to resist them. Mr Russell remains a very able minister and still the man to reform a further education sector with an exaggerated sense of its importance to the nation.

And I know to whom I would prefer to listen when Holyrood gets round to debating proper issues again and the world's scrutiny is upon us.