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| Tony Nicklinson's widow: 'I've just started to look around me' | Tony Nicklinson's widow: 'I've just started to look around me' |
| (4 months later) | |
| According to many of those who suffer it, locked-in syndrome is "the closest thing to being buried alive". | According to many of those who suffer it, locked-in syndrome is "the closest thing to being buried alive". |
| When Tony Nicklinson suffered a massive brain-stem stroke in his hotel room in Athens on 22 June 2005, the passionate sportsman woke to find his body lifeless: his vocal cords paralysed, his limbs unresponsive. But his mind was fully alert. | When Tony Nicklinson suffered a massive brain-stem stroke in his hotel room in Athens on 22 June 2005, the passionate sportsman woke to find his body lifeless: his vocal cords paralysed, his limbs unresponsive. But his mind was fully alert. |
| For the 51-year-old engineer and rugby fanatic, described lovingly by his widow as an "argumentative, awkward alpha male who was always upsetting someone or fighting with someone", the life his doctors had salvaged was simply not worth living. | For the 51-year-old engineer and rugby fanatic, described lovingly by his widow as an "argumentative, awkward alpha male who was always upsetting someone or fighting with someone", the life his doctors had salvaged was simply not worth living. |
| "The real Tony died seven years ago," Jane Nicklinson says, wrapped up against the chill of a broken heating system in her small bungalow in Wiltshire. "He was angry in the early days, but after a while he turned that inwards. The legal battle became his outlet." | "The real Tony died seven years ago," Jane Nicklinson says, wrapped up against the chill of a broken heating system in her small bungalow in Wiltshire. "He was angry in the early days, but after a while he turned that inwards. The legal battle became his outlet." |
| It was Nicklinson's failure to win that legal battle – a high court case to allow doctors to end his life without fear of prosecution – that, his wife thinks, led directly to his death six days later. "I think he saw the opportunity to die, and took it," she says. | It was Nicklinson's failure to win that legal battle – a high court case to allow doctors to end his life without fear of prosecution – that, his wife thinks, led directly to his death six days later. "I think he saw the opportunity to die, and took it," she says. |
| Nicklinson's legal defeat made headlines around the world. That day, he told his 50,000 Twitter followers that the judges were "condemning me to a 'life' of increasing misery". | Nicklinson's legal defeat made headlines around the world. That day, he told his 50,000 Twitter followers that the judges were "condemning me to a 'life' of increasing misery". |
| Shortly afterwards, he was diagnosed with a chest infection. Refusing food, antibiotics and medical advice, the 58-year-old died of pneumonia on 22 August at home, peaceful and surrounded by his family. | Shortly afterwards, he was diagnosed with a chest infection. Refusing food, antibiotics and medical advice, the 58-year-old died of pneumonia on 22 August at home, peaceful and surrounded by his family. |
| "No one wanted him to die but he's not suffering now. My overriding feeling is one of relief, I suppose. For him. He got his wish. But not the way he wanted it." | "No one wanted him to die but he's not suffering now. My overriding feeling is one of relief, I suppose. For him. He got his wish. But not the way he wanted it." |
| 2012 has been overwhelming for Jane, although she has successfully pushed her two daughters to not let their father's battle interfere with their life decisions. She, on the other hand, has nothing left of the life in Dubai she had prior to Nicklinson's stroke. | 2012 has been overwhelming for Jane, although she has successfully pushed her two daughters to not let their father's battle interfere with their life decisions. She, on the other hand, has nothing left of the life in Dubai she had prior to Nicklinson's stroke. |
| "I've not left Tony for longer than it took to walk the dog or do the shopping in seven years," she says. "The days earlier this year, in the courtroom, were the longest I was away from him, and I only did that because he wanted me to." | "I've not left Tony for longer than it took to walk the dog or do the shopping in seven years," she says. "The days earlier this year, in the courtroom, were the longest I was away from him, and I only did that because he wanted me to." |
| Her life "revolved around him" with last year's bitter climax to his legal battle consuming every spare ounce of her energy. | Her life "revolved around him" with last year's bitter climax to his legal battle consuming every spare ounce of her energy. |
| Now the future is an empty, scary place. The family had spent just six of the previous 24 years in the UK before Nicklinson's stroke forced their immediate return. Jane left her teenage daughters to close up their home in Sharjah and put down the family's beloved dogs. She bought the Wiltshire bungalow in a "mad rush", oblivious to anything other than the fact they could afford it and could move in straight away. | Now the future is an empty, scary place. The family had spent just six of the previous 24 years in the UK before Nicklinson's stroke forced their immediate return. Jane left her teenage daughters to close up their home in Sharjah and put down the family's beloved dogs. She bought the Wiltshire bungalow in a "mad rush", oblivious to anything other than the fact they could afford it and could move in straight away. |
| Now alone, her two daughters having grown up and moved away, she says she has spent the last four months gathering herself together. "I've just started to look around me and realised that I've got no friends here, no idea how to make them and no confidence in doing what I know I need to do: get out there and get a life. I'm effectively a foreigner here but I've got nowhere else to go," she says. | Now alone, her two daughters having grown up and moved away, she says she has spent the last four months gathering herself together. "I've just started to look around me and realised that I've got no friends here, no idea how to make them and no confidence in doing what I know I need to do: get out there and get a life. I'm effectively a foreigner here but I've got nowhere else to go," she says. |
| Jane struggles to sum up the past year. "We miss Tony like mad but if I'm totally honest, we have only lost his physical self and that was not the real Tony. I will be glad when this year is over and done with though. It's not just an end to this year: it's an end to the past seven years that have all been so very bad. They've all been really tough." | Jane struggles to sum up the past year. "We miss Tony like mad but if I'm totally honest, we have only lost his physical self and that was not the real Tony. I will be glad when this year is over and done with though. It's not just an end to this year: it's an end to the past seven years that have all been so very bad. They've all been really tough." |
| It wasn't all bad, Jane admits. She can't deny the thrill of seeing herself on the front pages and leading the television news, and on the whole, she adds, the journalists behaved well. | It wasn't all bad, Jane admits. She can't deny the thrill of seeing herself on the front pages and leading the television news, and on the whole, she adds, the journalists behaved well. |
| "I was shocked by the media interest in our case," she says. "There were three newspapers and three TV reporters at our solicitor's office on the day we announced we were going public with our battle. But I can't deny that seeing yourself on the news is exciting. I've kept all the articles in a massive scrapbook. | "I was shocked by the media interest in our case," she says. "There were three newspapers and three TV reporters at our solicitor's office on the day we announced we were going public with our battle. But I can't deny that seeing yourself on the news is exciting. I've kept all the articles in a massive scrapbook. |
| "Every day we arrived at court, we were shocked by all the people and cameras that converged on us. But actually, all the journalists were really great – except the Sun, which published a photo of Tony being taken away by the undertakers, with me standing in the doorway." | "Every day we arrived at court, we were shocked by all the people and cameras that converged on us. But actually, all the journalists were really great – except the Sun, which published a photo of Tony being taken away by the undertakers, with me standing in the doorway." |
| The paper promised to take the photo off their website but instead, says Jane, published it in the newspaper the next day. "The girls were really upset. But all the media stayed away for the funeral, as we requested," she adds. | The paper promised to take the photo off their website but instead, says Jane, published it in the newspaper the next day. "The girls were really upset. But all the media stayed away for the funeral, as we requested," she adds. |
| It's a "strange way", the former nurse and housewife mulls, to become famous. "People still stop me in the street. A woman the other day said she thought I was really brave. | It's a "strange way", the former nurse and housewife mulls, to become famous. "People still stop me in the street. A woman the other day said she thought I was really brave. |
| "Those little moments buoyed me up during the court case. They really did for Tony too. I have to admit that a little bit of me always wondered whether he was doing the right thing but when you get public support, it makes you realise what you are doing is right. | "Those little moments buoyed me up during the court case. They really did for Tony too. I have to admit that a little bit of me always wondered whether he was doing the right thing but when you get public support, it makes you realise what you are doing is right. |
| "It made us all realise people supported what Tony was doing and that it was what the majority of people would want for themselves, if they were ever so desperately unlucky as to find themselves living through the same hell as he was." | "It made us all realise people supported what Tony was doing and that it was what the majority of people would want for themselves, if they were ever so desperately unlucky as to find themselves living through the same hell as he was." |
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