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| Fashion Weak: Give That Coach’s Outfit a Red Card | |
| (about 5 hours later) | |
| LONDON — Alex Ferguson pulled a woolly hat around his ruddy face. Rafael Benitez stood in a snowstorm in a suit that did not fit. The usually suave André Villas-Boas resorted to covering his legs with a grandpa-by-the-fire-style blanket. | LONDON — Alex Ferguson pulled a woolly hat around his ruddy face. Rafael Benitez stood in a snowstorm in a suit that did not fit. The usually suave André Villas-Boas resorted to covering his legs with a grandpa-by-the-fire-style blanket. |
| Then there was Arsène Wenger. In the bitter cold and swirling snow at a recent Arsenal game, Wenger encased himself in what has unfortunately become his signature garment: a fluffy, puffy, oddly elongated, sausagelike parka that surely keeps him warm, but also makes him look like a caterpillar in a sleeping bag. | Then there was Arsène Wenger. In the bitter cold and swirling snow at a recent Arsenal game, Wenger encased himself in what has unfortunately become his signature garment: a fluffy, puffy, oddly elongated, sausagelike parka that surely keeps him warm, but also makes him look like a caterpillar in a sleeping bag. |
| These are the men of the English Premier League, coaches stalking the sideline in the most scrutinized sport in the world, in a country where abysmal weather can lead to strange adventures in improvised fashion. But even at the best of times soccer coaches here are an aggressively unstylish bunch, with wardrobes that speak less of Savile Row than of the remainder rack on the Island of Misfit Clothes. | These are the men of the English Premier League, coaches stalking the sideline in the most scrutinized sport in the world, in a country where abysmal weather can lead to strange adventures in improvised fashion. But even at the best of times soccer coaches here are an aggressively unstylish bunch, with wardrobes that speak less of Savile Row than of the remainder rack on the Island of Misfit Clothes. |
| “The top clubs all have designers throwing beautiful clothes at them and the whole world watching them, and still so many of them manage to look cheap and nasty,” said Dan Rookwood, style director at Men’s Health U.K. “They look like middle-management insurance salesmen, not multimillionaire leaders of men.” | “The top clubs all have designers throwing beautiful clothes at them and the whole world watching them, and still so many of them manage to look cheap and nasty,” said Dan Rookwood, style director at Men’s Health U.K. “They look like middle-management insurance salesmen, not multimillionaire leaders of men.” |
| The fans might pretend not to notice such frivolous things, but they do. Wenger’s multizippered, hooded curiosity of a coat has become legendary on social media sites; one of its Facebook pages is called Buy Arsene Wenger a New Coat. Fans have compared it to an Emperor penguin outfit, something the Michelin Man might wear, a quilt, a German avant-garde theater garment and a padded mobile coffin. | The fans might pretend not to notice such frivolous things, but they do. Wenger’s multizippered, hooded curiosity of a coat has become legendary on social media sites; one of its Facebook pages is called Buy Arsene Wenger a New Coat. Fans have compared it to an Emperor penguin outfit, something the Michelin Man might wear, a quilt, a German avant-garde theater garment and a padded mobile coffin. |
| “It has become a symbol of the team’s lack of style, and of Wenger’s decline into a figure of open mockery,” said Roger Bennett, the co-host of the “Men in Blazers” soccer podcast on Grantland. | “It has become a symbol of the team’s lack of style, and of Wenger’s decline into a figure of open mockery,” said Roger Bennett, the co-host of the “Men in Blazers” soccer podcast on Grantland. |
| It would take years of study to fully appreciate and decode the subtle distinctions in Premier League coaches’ fashions, but most coaches tend to gravitate toward one of three looks: Italian Playboy, 1970s East German Apparatchik and Slob in Tracksuit. | It would take years of study to fully appreciate and decode the subtle distinctions in Premier League coaches’ fashions, but most coaches tend to gravitate toward one of three looks: Italian Playboy, 1970s East German Apparatchik and Slob in Tracksuit. |
| The most elegant are generally the Continental coaches, who enhance their well-cut suits and properly fastened ties with scarves, foulards, pocket squares, designer loafers and slim-cut overcoats. José Mourinho, formerly of Chelsea but currently at Real Madrid, is credited with bringing this European suavity to what had been a wasteland of style. | The most elegant are generally the Continental coaches, who enhance their well-cut suits and properly fastened ties with scarves, foulards, pocket squares, designer loafers and slim-cut overcoats. José Mourinho, formerly of Chelsea but currently at Real Madrid, is credited with bringing this European suavity to what had been a wasteland of style. |
| The majority of the coaches fall into the second category, led by old-timers like Ferguson of Manchester United and Harry Redknapp of Queens Park Rangers. They wear team-issued suits in the manner of boys whose mothers said they had to. Stabs at stylishness are undercut by unfashionable ties and questionable accessories like sneakers, bulky sweaters and boxy logo-larded team parkas. | The majority of the coaches fall into the second category, led by old-timers like Ferguson of Manchester United and Harry Redknapp of Queens Park Rangers. They wear team-issued suits in the manner of boys whose mothers said they had to. Stabs at stylishness are undercut by unfashionable ties and questionable accessories like sneakers, bulky sweaters and boxy logo-larded team parkas. |
| Many of the coaches pair dark suits with white shirts, as if they all shopped at the same place, a discount store for undertakers. | Many of the coaches pair dark suits with white shirts, as if they all shopped at the same place, a discount store for undertakers. |
| “So many managers wear funeral-type suits,” said Lee Thompson, 38, a West Ham fan. “I don’t know which of their team members they expect to die.” | “So many managers wear funeral-type suits,” said Lee Thompson, 38, a West Ham fan. “I don’t know which of their team members they expect to die.” |
| At the bottom of the heap are those whose no-nonsense tracksuits and warm-up clothes evoke the crabby phys ed teacher who taught soccer at your high school in the 1980s. These men seem to wish they were playing, not standing on the sideline. They are “the ones that style forgot,” said Jessica Punter, the style and grooming editor of British GQ. | At the bottom of the heap are those whose no-nonsense tracksuits and warm-up clothes evoke the crabby phys ed teacher who taught soccer at your high school in the 1980s. These men seem to wish they were playing, not standing on the sideline. They are “the ones that style forgot,” said Jessica Punter, the style and grooming editor of British GQ. |
| Yes, Tony Pulis, we are talking about you. | Yes, Tony Pulis, we are talking about you. |
| Pulis, of Stoke City, is overwhelmingly considered the league’s poorest dresser, on account of his baseball cap — baseball being a superfluous overseas affectation here — and his tracksuit, with “TP” helpfully printed on the jacket, in case he loses it or forgets who he is. It is the Premier League equivalent to Bill Belichick’s woeful hoodie. | Pulis, of Stoke City, is overwhelmingly considered the league’s poorest dresser, on account of his baseball cap — baseball being a superfluous overseas affectation here — and his tracksuit, with “TP” helpfully printed on the jacket, in case he loses it or forgets who he is. It is the Premier League equivalent to Bill Belichick’s woeful hoodie. |
| “He looks like he’s just grabbed whatever the physio chucked at him as he was going through the tunnel,” Punter said. | “He looks like he’s just grabbed whatever the physio chucked at him as he was going through the tunnel,” Punter said. |
| But Pulis’s clothes work because they reflect his persona as a coach so tough that he once reportedly sprang from the shower, his towel unspooling right off his waist, and tried to head-butt one of his players after the player bad-mouthed him in the locker room. | But Pulis’s clothes work because they reflect his persona as a coach so tough that he once reportedly sprang from the shower, his towel unspooling right off his waist, and tried to head-butt one of his players after the player bad-mouthed him in the locker room. |
| Many coaches are vying for second in the worst-dressed category, but perhaps the strongest contender is Martin Jol, a big, solid man who coaches Fulham, sometimes in a shockingly bright blue tracksuit. | Many coaches are vying for second in the worst-dressed category, but perhaps the strongest contender is Martin Jol, a big, solid man who coaches Fulham, sometimes in a shockingly bright blue tracksuit. |
| “He looks like he should be coaching the Russian shot-put team,” Punter said. | “He looks like he should be coaching the Russian shot-put team,” Punter said. |
| An Arsenal fan, Steve Murray, said, “He looks like he should be throwing you out of a bad pub in a bad area.” | An Arsenal fan, Steve Murray, said, “He looks like he should be throwing you out of a bad pub in a bad area.” |
| Who dresses best? The leading contender is Roberto Mancini of Manchester City, who through a mysterious Italian facility for folding and draping has successfully repurposed the team’s light blue and white scarf into a high-end fashion item that also keeps his neck warm. (According to a person at Manchester City who would speak only if his name was nowhere near this information, Mancini’s scarf is not the common acrylic kind anyone can order online, but a softer, squarer, chicer, tassel-free cashmere version he has specially made back home.) | Who dresses best? The leading contender is Roberto Mancini of Manchester City, who through a mysterious Italian facility for folding and draping has successfully repurposed the team’s light blue and white scarf into a high-end fashion item that also keeps his neck warm. (According to a person at Manchester City who would speak only if his name was nowhere near this information, Mancini’s scarf is not the common acrylic kind anyone can order online, but a softer, squarer, chicer, tassel-free cashmere version he has specially made back home.) |
| Despite his lapse with the lap blanket during the snowstorm, Villas-Boas of Tottenham Hotspur is the favorite of many female fans for his smoldering looks, his slim dark suit and, in the cold, his slim dark coat. British GQ recently ranked Villas-Boas, who is from Portugal, as No. 2 among “best-dressed international men,” behind the designer Tom Ford. Not everyone is convinced, though. | Despite his lapse with the lap blanket during the snowstorm, Villas-Boas of Tottenham Hotspur is the favorite of many female fans for his smoldering looks, his slim dark suit and, in the cold, his slim dark coat. British GQ recently ranked Villas-Boas, who is from Portugal, as No. 2 among “best-dressed international men,” behind the designer Tom Ford. Not everyone is convinced, though. |
| “If you look really carefully, he’ll undo the top button and underneath he’s wearing a thermal vest,” said Matthew Hatfield, an Arsenal fan, in a tone that made it clear what he thinks of men who find it necessary to wear thermal underwear. | “If you look really carefully, he’ll undo the top button and underneath he’s wearing a thermal vest,” said Matthew Hatfield, an Arsenal fan, in a tone that made it clear what he thinks of men who find it necessary to wear thermal underwear. |
| A spokesman for Tottenham Hotspur confirmed that yes, Villas-Boas does sometimes wear a “base layer,” as he put it. | A spokesman for Tottenham Hotspur confirmed that yes, Villas-Boas does sometimes wear a “base layer,” as he put it. |
| At least Villas-Boas hides his protective garments. Ferguson, who has coached Manchester United since 1986, almost always wears the same winter outfit: a suit obscured by a bulky sweater under the jacket and a bulky team parka over it. There is also a tie in there somewhere and an inevitable wad of chewing gum in his mouth. | At least Villas-Boas hides his protective garments. Ferguson, who has coached Manchester United since 1986, almost always wears the same winter outfit: a suit obscured by a bulky sweater under the jacket and a bulky team parka over it. There is also a tie in there somewhere and an inevitable wad of chewing gum in his mouth. |
| Though many coaches seem to throw on whatever was lying around on the floor that morning, it would be a mistake to lose sight of the deeper meanings therein. Take Wenger’s caterpillar coat. The fans’ intolerance for its weirdness is directly related to Arsenal’s persistent struggles. | Though many coaches seem to throw on whatever was lying around on the floor that morning, it would be a mistake to lose sight of the deeper meanings therein. Take Wenger’s caterpillar coat. The fans’ intolerance for its weirdness is directly related to Arsenal’s persistent struggles. |
| Somehow, said Bennett of “Men in Blazers,” the coat looks longer now than it did last year. | Somehow, said Bennett of “Men in Blazers,” the coat looks longer now than it did last year. |
| “We joke on the show that it’s like a giant tree — it adds an extra ring every year he doesn’t win a trophy,” he said. | “We joke on the show that it’s like a giant tree — it adds an extra ring every year he doesn’t win a trophy,” he said. |
| Referring to a much YouTubed incident in which Wegner impotently fiddled with a broken zipper as Arsenal crashed and burned during a game, Bennett added, “There’s nothing that symbolizes the decline of a team like watching a man who was once deemed great unable to get out of his own jacket.” | Referring to a much YouTubed incident in which Wegner impotently fiddled with a broken zipper as Arsenal crashed and burned during a game, Bennett added, “There’s nothing that symbolizes the decline of a team like watching a man who was once deemed great unable to get out of his own jacket.” |
| Appearance also matches reality for Sam Allardyce, the pugnacious coach of West Ham United, whose friends call him Big Sam (his enemies call him Fat Sam). He wears suits, but the way a nightclub bouncer does after an altercation. | Appearance also matches reality for Sam Allardyce, the pugnacious coach of West Ham United, whose friends call him Big Sam (his enemies call him Fat Sam). He wears suits, but the way a nightclub bouncer does after an altercation. |
| “He’s a big northern Englishman who looks like a man who would list his hobby as barfighting,” Bennett said. | “He’s a big northern Englishman who looks like a man who would list his hobby as barfighting,” Bennett said. |
| Allardyce gets respect, though, for stoically braving the vicissitudes of the English climate, once standing uncomplaining in a deluge, rain dripping from his hair and cascading off his suit. | Allardyce gets respect, though, for stoically braving the vicissitudes of the English climate, once standing uncomplaining in a deluge, rain dripping from his hair and cascading off his suit. |
| He is smart: Like piranhas or the schoolboys in “Lord of the Flies,” English fans are quick to seize on signs of weather-induced weakness. A recent article in The Daily Mail awarded coaches “hardman ratings” for how well they dealt with a recent bout of snow. | He is smart: Like piranhas or the schoolboys in “Lord of the Flies,” English fans are quick to seize on signs of weather-induced weakness. A recent article in The Daily Mail awarded coaches “hardman ratings” for how well they dealt with a recent bout of snow. |
| “Managers are supposed to get out there and suffer the elements,” said Deano Standing, a spokesman for Millwall Football Club, whose coach, Kenny Jackett, is of the old, no-nonsense school, favoring utilitarian suits with parkas on top. | “Managers are supposed to get out there and suffer the elements,” said Deano Standing, a spokesman for Millwall Football Club, whose coach, Kenny Jackett, is of the old, no-nonsense school, favoring utilitarian suits with parkas on top. |
| That means no umbrellas — not now, not ever. As a reminder of this inviolate rule, consider Steve McClaren, then the England coach, who disastrously employed a huge red-and-blue golf umbrella to shelter himself from a storm at an England-Croatia match in 2007, earning himself the enduring nickname “the wally with the brolly.” | That means no umbrellas — not now, not ever. As a reminder of this inviolate rule, consider Steve McClaren, then the England coach, who disastrously employed a huge red-and-blue golf umbrella to shelter himself from a storm at an England-Croatia match in 2007, earning himself the enduring nickname “the wally with the brolly.” |
| England lost the match; McClaren lost his job. He now coaches in the Netherlands. | England lost the match; McClaren lost his job. He now coaches in the Netherlands. |
| “That umbrella,” Standing said, “was really the last straw.” | “That umbrella,” Standing said, “was really the last straw.” |