'Love, interrupted: the relationship that survived nazism, communism, exile and revolution' diff viewer (0/1)

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Love, interrupted: the relationship that survived nazism, communism, exile and revolution	Love, interrupted: the relationship that survived nazism, communism, exile and revolution
2013-02-09 09:20:21 UTC	2013-09-17 20:05:13 UTC (7 months later)
Edmundo Desnoes and Felicia Rosshandler met at a party in an old colonial house in Havana. They were 15 years old, Desnoes the son of a Cuban father and Jamaican mother, Rosshandler a relatively new arrival from Europe, where her family had fled Nazi-occupied Belgium.	Edmundo Desnoes and Felicia Rosshandler met at a party in an old colonial house in Havana. They were 15 years old, Desnoes the son of a Cuban father and Jamaican mother, Rosshandler a relatively new arrival from Europe, where her family had fled Nazi-occupied Belgium.
In the movie version of this story – although it needs very little in the way of gilding – each would remember what the other was wearing. What they remember is this: the house had a large, tiled veranda; there was a Victrola playing American music – Glenn Miller and Frank Sinatra. Desnoes was not a great one for dancing – "He's the only Cuban who doesn't like to dance!" – says Rosshandler. And so the teenagers sat and talked.	In the movie version of this story – although it needs very little in the way of gilding – each would remember what the other was wearing. What they remember is this: the house had a large, tiled veranda; there was a Victrola playing American music – Glenn Miller and Frank Sinatra. Desnoes was not a great one for dancing – "He's the only Cuban who doesn't like to dance!" – says Rosshandler. And so the teenagers sat and talked.
Sixty-five years later they are still talking, in their apartment on Manhattan's upper west side. On the wall is a portrait of Rosshandler by an artist she lived with in Paris when she was 19. Desnoes's novels are on the shelves, including his most famous, Memories Of Underdevelopment; on a pinboard in the kitchen are photos of Rosshandler's children and grandchildren.	Sixty-five years later they are still talking, in their apartment on Manhattan's upper west side. On the wall is a portrait of Rosshandler by an artist she lived with in Paris when she was 19. Desnoes's novels are on the shelves, including his most famous, Memories Of Underdevelopment; on a pinboard in the kitchen are photos of Rosshandler's children and grandchildren.
Each has lived several lifetimes since that night at the party, including a 30-year stretch when they had no contact with each other. It's a love story that spans almost two-thirds of the 20th century, taking in nazism, communism, three waves of feminism, marriage, divorce, displacement, revolution, defection and reconnection, and is still going strong in the couple's 83rd year. The teenage lovers parted at 17 and did not see each other again until they were 50, when they discovered that each had been alive in the other's heart all that time.	Each has lived several lifetimes since that night at the party, including a 30-year stretch when they had no contact with each other. It's a love story that spans almost two-thirds of the 20th century, taking in nazism, communism, three waves of feminism, marriage, divorce, displacement, revolution, defection and reconnection, and is still going strong in the couple's 83rd year. The teenage lovers parted at 17 and did not see each other again until they were 50, when they discovered that each had been alive in the other's heart all that time.
This is not the sort of language either chooses to use. Desnoes is not a romantic; living through the Cuban revolution will cure one of that, he says. Rosshandler, poised and elegant with a blond bob and shrewd eyes, is equally pragmatic.	This is not the sort of language either chooses to use. Desnoes is not a romantic; living through the Cuban revolution will cure one of that, he says. Rosshandler, poised and elegant with a blond bob and shrewd eyes, is equally pragmatic.
"What I find," Desnoes says, "is that when people hear about our experience, they look at it as a fairytale. And I shy away from that."	"What I find," Desnoes says, "is that when people hear about our experience, they look at it as a fairytale. And I shy away from that."
"We didn't look out of the window and dream about each other," Rosshandler says of those years they were apart. And yet: "Something had happened in Cuba when we were younger that had stayed with me and stayed with him."	"We didn't look out of the window and dream about each other," Rosshandler says of those years they were apart. And yet: "Something had happened in Cuba when we were younger that had stayed with me and stayed with him."
Of course there is no way of knowing, but if they had remained together as teenagers, Desnoes believes it would not have worked out. In 1948, when they said goodbye, they were full of adolescent idealism. When they met again in 1980 they were, for different reasons, two deeply disillusioned people and as such found a level of connection and recognition they couldn't possibly have found the first time around.	Of course there is no way of knowing, but if they had remained together as teenagers, Desnoes believes it would not have worked out. In 1948, when they said goodbye, they were full of adolescent idealism. When they met again in 1980 they were, for different reasons, two deeply disillusioned people and as such found a level of connection and recognition they couldn't possibly have found the first time around.
It was less a question of romance than of simple geometry. Their apartment overlooks the Hudson river, and in the wintry light Desnoes regards the woman he has loved for most of his life. "We were completing each other," he says.	It was less a question of romance than of simple geometry. Their apartment overlooks the Hudson river, and in the wintry light Desnoes regards the woman he has loved for most of his life. "We were completing each other," he says.
By the time she was 15, Felicia Rosshandler spoke four languages fluently. Her father's family came from Antwerp, where they were in the diamond business, but her father had other ambitions and relocated to Germany before she was born. "He wanted to do something different," she says. "He wanted to be an industrialist. In the 1930s he got this idea that zippers were modern and new. And so he had a zipper factory."	By the time she was 15, Felicia Rosshandler spoke four languages fluently. Her father's family came from Antwerp, where they were in the diamond business, but her father had other ambitions and relocated to Germany before she was born. "He wanted to do something different," she says. "He wanted to be an industrialist. In the 1930s he got this idea that zippers were modern and new. And so he had a zipper factory."
In 1933, when she was three years old, Hitler was sworn in as chancellor and the family, who were Jewish, considered their options. Four weeks later the Reichstag fire occurred and they moved to Antwerp, where Rosshandler was enrolled in a French primary school. When she was 10, the Nazis marched into Belgium. The Rosshandlers would live for a year under the occupation, desperately trying to get visas out. They were turned down by every consulate except the Salvadorians and, after getting to Spain via France, found a boat leaving for Cuba.	In 1933, when she was three years old, Hitler was sworn in as chancellor and the family, who were Jewish, considered their options. Four weeks later the Reichstag fire occurred and they moved to Antwerp, where Rosshandler was enrolled in a French primary school. When she was 10, the Nazis marched into Belgium. The Rosshandlers would live for a year under the occupation, desperately trying to get visas out. They were turned down by every consulate except the Salvadorians and, after getting to Spain via France, found a boat leaving for Cuba.
You cannot imagine, she says, how Havana struck a child coming out of war-ravaged Europe. It was like going from black and white into colour. "There were musicians on the dock playing music, a lot of American tourists. There were people selling trinkets and pineapples. It was very alive. It's a marvellous city, Havana – it's awake all the time. Cuban people are generous, welcoming. It was hard adjusting. But I was determined to shed my European culture and become Cuban."	You cannot imagine, she says, how Havana struck a child coming out of war-ravaged Europe. It was like going from black and white into colour. "There were musicians on the dock playing music, a lot of American tourists. There were people selling trinkets and pineapples. It was very alive. It's a marvellous city, Havana – it's awake all the time. Cuban people are generous, welcoming. It was hard adjusting. But I was determined to shed my European culture and become Cuban."
The first thing her parents did on arrival was enrol their children in a British school and go to the American consulate to apply for a visa. "As did the other 10,000 Jewish refugees. It took seven years to get one."	The first thing her parents did on arrival was enrol their children in a British school and go to the American consulate to apply for a visa. "As did the other 10,000 Jewish refugees. It took seven years to get one."
While this was going on, Desnoes was growing up in Havana, a thoughtful boy out of place in the macho culture. He liked to read Dostoevsky and imagine that something exciting was going to happen to him, although, looking at his family tree, it sometimes seemed that everything exciting had been and gone.	While this was going on, Desnoes was growing up in Havana, a thoughtful boy out of place in the macho culture. He liked to read Dostoevsky and imagine that something exciting was going to happen to him, although, looking at his family tree, it sometimes seemed that everything exciting had been and gone.
"I'm totally Caribbean," he says. "On my mother's side, my great-grandfather was from France and was in Haiti when the slave rebellion happened, then moved to Jamaica. They were slave owners, and then on my father's side they were revolutionaries. My grandfather organised a war against Spain, in the Spanish-American war."	"I'm totally Caribbean," he says. "On my mother's side, my great-grandfather was from France and was in Haiti when the slave rebellion happened, then moved to Jamaica. They were slave owners, and then on my father's side they were revolutionaries. My grandfather organised a war against Spain, in the Spanish-American war."
"Your father," Rosshandler says, "was vice-president of a bank."	"Your father," Rosshandler says, "was vice-president of a bank."
He looks mildly put out. "Manager of a branch of a Canadian bank, because he knew English."	He looks mildly put out. "Manager of a branch of a Canadian bank, because he knew English."
Desnoes spoke English with his mother, who had been raised in America, and Spanish with his father, which gave him a bi-culturalism quite common these days but unusual back then. At the time it made him feel vaguely "uprooted".	Desnoes spoke English with his mother, who had been raised in America, and Spanish with his father, which gave him a bi-culturalism quite common these days but unusual back then. At the time it made him feel vaguely "uprooted".
Rosshandler looks at him teasingly. "I can outdo him in uprootedness any time."	Rosshandler looks at him teasingly. "I can outdo him in uprootedness any time."
It also gave him an early appreciation of the unstable nature of all things. "In language," he says, "you think that a word is a thing. When you say 'stone', it's a stone, but when you know that it's 'piedra' in Spanish, it means that language is not linked absolutely to reality." It was a lesson in life: consider the alternative.	It also gave him an early appreciation of the unstable nature of all things. "In language," he says, "you think that a word is a thing. When you say 'stone', it's a stone, but when you know that it's 'piedra' in Spanish, it means that language is not linked absolutely to reality." It was a lesson in life: consider the alternative.
And then they met. Let's not exaggerate, Desnoes says: they were teenagers, and their interest in each other was… "Well, it was adolescence. The hormones that are thriving, the looking for something different. I was a Cuban and she was a European, and I was trying to broaden my landscape. The sexual and the romantic element. Beginning to explore the world. She was my first girlfriend." His impression of Rosshandler was of "a person who resonated with culture" and who seemed, to him, excitingly different. What did he know about the Jewish, he says. The Cubans called them Turks or "Polacos" – Poles.	And then they met. Let's not exaggerate, Desnoes says: they were teenagers, and their interest in each other was… "Well, it was adolescence. The hormones that are thriving, the looking for something different. I was a Cuban and she was a European, and I was trying to broaden my landscape. The sexual and the romantic element. Beginning to explore the world. She was my first girlfriend." His impression of Rosshandler was of "a person who resonated with culture" and who seemed, to him, excitingly different. What did he know about the Jewish, he says. The Cubans called them Turks or "Polacos" – Poles.
And what did she think of Desnoes? "Well, I wouldn't downplay the biological impulses. But I was a refugee in Havana. And I have a great ability to adapt and to 'pass', yet I think there's always a discomfort that remains when your parents speak a different language. Your home is different. I have an older brother who taught me to think of ideas, and look at art, and most of the boys in Havana weren't interested in things like that. And then Edmundo came along, and he already was a person of ideas. And I think we connected in that way."	And what did she think of Desnoes? "Well, I wouldn't downplay the biological impulses. But I was a refugee in Havana. And I have a great ability to adapt and to 'pass', yet I think there's always a discomfort that remains when your parents speak a different language. Your home is different. I have an older brother who taught me to think of ideas, and look at art, and most of the boys in Havana weren't interested in things like that. And then Edmundo came along, and he already was a person of ideas. And I think we connected in that way."
For two years, Desnoes met Rosshandler every day after school and they walked and talked. When her family's US visas finally came through and they prepared to leave for New York, he asked her to stay. It was 1948. Rosshandler's father, who had smuggled enough money out of Europe to open another factory in Cuba, had seen it fail and lost everything. No: the family would stick together.	For two years, Desnoes met Rosshandler every day after school and they walked and talked. When her family's US visas finally came through and they prepared to leave for New York, he asked her to stay. It was 1948. Rosshandler's father, who had smuggled enough money out of Europe to open another factory in Cuba, had seen it fail and lost everything. No: the family would stick together.
The summer after they moved, Desnoes travelled to New York. "We spent the whole summer together," Rosshandler says. "I lived at home, but we wandered through the streets, going to museums, not having any money. I was still in high school. Then he went back to Cuba. We had just begun our lives. We corresponded for a while and then we lost touch."	The summer after they moved, Desnoes travelled to New York. "We spent the whole summer together," Rosshandler says. "I lived at home, but we wandered through the streets, going to museums, not having any money. I was still in high school. Then he went back to Cuba. We had just begun our lives. We corresponded for a while and then we lost touch."
Twenty years passed. Desnoes joined the Cuban revolution. After a period of bohemianism in her 20s, Rosshandler married a lawyer and had three sons. Desnoes married, divorced and married again. Life happened.	Twenty years passed. Desnoes joined the Cuban revolution. After a period of bohemianism in her 20s, Rosshandler married a lawyer and had three sons. Desnoes married, divorced and married again. Life happened.
"And then you saw yourself in the film," Desnoes says.	"And then you saw yourself in the film," Desnoes says.
"Yes. And then I saw myself in the film."	"Yes. And then I saw myself in the film."
She was 37 years old and had gone to a cinema in Greenwich Village. It was 1968, and the movie was something of a cause célèbre: Memorias Del Subdesarrollo (Memories Of Underdevelopment) had caused a fuss at US customs when it came in from Cuba and was not allowed to be shown. "I was the mother of three children, and I remember most of the people in the audience were very young. Already I felt a little bit out of place. And then this thing appeared on the screen and…"	She was 37 years old and had gone to a cinema in Greenwich Village. It was 1968, and the movie was something of a cause célèbre: Memorias Del Subdesarrollo (Memories Of Underdevelopment) had caused a fuss at US customs when it came in from Cuba and was not allowed to be shown. "I was the mother of three children, and I remember most of the people in the audience were very young. Already I felt a little bit out of place. And then this thing appeared on the screen and…"
She knew the film was based on a novel written by Desnoes, who had become a celebrated novelist since last they met, but that was all. Rosshandler watched the screen as the story unfolded of a blond-haired European girl falling in love with a dark-haired Cuban boy.	She knew the film was based on a novel written by Desnoes, who had become a celebrated novelist since last they met, but that was all. Rosshandler watched the screen as the story unfolded of a blond-haired European girl falling in love with a dark-haired Cuban boy.
"And it was seeing yourself in celluloid, the way you were," she says.	"And it was seeing yourself in celluloid, the way you were," she says.
"Or the way you were thought of," he says.	"Or the way you were thought of," he says.
Rosshandler wasn't unhappy with her life. She had worked hard to provide her three sons with the stability she didn't have growing up. "Raising three children, married to a lawyer, having a very comfortable life. It was my passion at the time." And yet there were moments of, if not regret, than at least of ambivalence. She had started writing for Life magazine in her 20s and dropped it after she married. Her artistic ambitions had fallen away. Occasionally, she wondered what might have been if she had pursued a less conventional course. Watching the film that afternoon "had a huge impact. I saw myself as a literary character. It somehow took me out of my life. It was the beginning of receiving, again, my own identity."	Rosshandler wasn't unhappy with her life. She had worked hard to provide her three sons with the stability she didn't have growing up. "Raising three children, married to a lawyer, having a very comfortable life. It was my passion at the time." And yet there were moments of, if not regret, than at least of ambivalence. She had started writing for Life magazine in her 20s and dropped it after she married. Her artistic ambitions had fallen away. Occasionally, she wondered what might have been if she had pursued a less conventional course. Watching the film that afternoon "had a huge impact. I saw myself as a literary character. It somehow took me out of my life. It was the beginning of receiving, again, my own identity."
In one scene, the boy waits for the girl outside the school gates and they join hands and run out into the afternoon sunshine. A man says, in voiceover, "Why did I let you go? Why did I ever let you go?"	In one scene, the boy waits for the girl outside the school gates and they join hands and run out into the afternoon sunshine. A man says, in voiceover, "Why did I let you go? Why did I ever let you go?"
It was another 12 years before they saw or spoke to each other: 1980, when they were both turning 50. Rosshandler's children were about to go to college and "the prospect of spending the rest of my life with my ex-husband was… not something I wanted to consider."	It was another 12 years before they saw or spoke to each other: 1980, when they were both turning 50. Rosshandler's children were about to go to college and "the prospect of spending the rest of my life with my ex-husband was… not something I wanted to consider."
Desnoes, meanwhile, had been struggling in Cuba. He had enthusiastically embraced the revolution and been active within it for 20 years. Then, slowly, things began to change.	Desnoes, meanwhile, had been struggling in Cuba. He had enthusiastically embraced the revolution and been active within it for 20 years. Then, slowly, things began to change.
"At first, you say, as in church, 'Believe in God and do as you please.' You believed in the revolution and you wrote as you pleased. But then when it became radicalised and attached to the Soviet Union, the party took over culture. The conscience of society was no longer the writer; it was the party. Several times I was called to the Central Committee; in one case they accused me of comparing Che Guevara to Superman and making fun of him. I would have accepted the scarcity and the problems, if the party had not taken over my profession."	"At first, you say, as in church, 'Believe in God and do as you please.' You believed in the revolution and you wrote as you pleased. But then when it became radicalised and attached to the Soviet Union, the party took over culture. The conscience of society was no longer the writer; it was the party. Several times I was called to the Central Committee; in one case they accused me of comparing Che Guevara to Superman and making fun of him. I would have accepted the scarcity and the problems, if the party had not taken over my profession."
In 1979, Desnoes was invited to the Venice Biennale and, thanks to a new minister of culture, got the paperwork to travel. "I didn't take a raft. I didn't risk my life. I'm too much of a coward for that." In Venice he defected and was almost immediately offered a teaching post at Stanford, and then at Dartmouth, which he accepted. "I was lucky," he says. But he was also displaced, dispirited, cut off from everything familiar.	In 1979, Desnoes was invited to the Venice Biennale and, thanks to a new minister of culture, got the paperwork to travel. "I didn't take a raft. I didn't risk my life. I'm too much of a coward for that." In Venice he defected and was almost immediately offered a teaching post at Stanford, and then at Dartmouth, which he accepted. "I was lucky," he says. But he was also displaced, dispirited, cut off from everything familiar.
Rosshandler had enrolled on a writing course, partly inspired by having seen herself on film. It was an interesting moment for women her age, she says – the first generation to realise there was life after 50. Knowing she was writing about Cuba, one of the people on her course asked if she knew of a Cuban writer who had just defected: Edmundo Desnoes.	Rosshandler had enrolled on a writing course, partly inspired by having seen herself on film. It was an interesting moment for women her age, she says – the first generation to realise there was life after 50. Knowing she was writing about Cuba, one of the people on her course asked if she knew of a Cuban writer who had just defected: Edmundo Desnoes.