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| An author's guide to speaking, swearing and sounding poetic in Polish | An author's guide to speaking, swearing and sounding poetic in Polish |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| The Nobel laureate poet Joseph Brodsky wrote that learning Polish "would be to your great advantage, because the most extraordinary poetry of this [20th] century is written in that language". If that's not incentive enough, then the 2011 Census has revealed that there are 546,000 Polish speakers among the 56.1m residents of England and Wales, making this whispering language of sz- (sh-) and cz- (ch-) sounds the second most uttered in England. | The Nobel laureate poet Joseph Brodsky wrote that learning Polish "would be to your great advantage, because the most extraordinary poetry of this [20th] century is written in that language". If that's not incentive enough, then the 2011 Census has revealed that there are 546,000 Polish speakers among the 56.1m residents of England and Wales, making this whispering language of sz- (sh-) and cz- (ch-) sounds the second most uttered in England. |
| If you live in Blackpool, Crewe, Liverpool or Carlisle (twinned with Słupsk in northern Poland), there's a good chance that each time you step out of your front door you'll hear the multisyllabic insistence of words stretching further than a broken accordion. So you really should learn more Polish than the mercifully brief, mocno/'strong' label on your supermarket piwo/'beer'. | If you live in Blackpool, Crewe, Liverpool or Carlisle (twinned with Słupsk in northern Poland), there's a good chance that each time you step out of your front door you'll hear the multisyllabic insistence of words stretching further than a broken accordion. So you really should learn more Polish than the mercifully brief, mocno/'strong' label on your supermarket piwo/'beer'. |
| After visiting Krakow a few years ago to interview the city's Nobel prize-winning poet Wisława Szymborska, I moved there to write a novel and learn the language. Here are a few tips I picked up along the way. | After visiting Krakow a few years ago to interview the city's Nobel prize-winning poet Wisława Szymborska, I moved there to write a novel and learn the language. Here are a few tips I picked up along the way. |
| 1. The Poles are big on diminutives. Truncate long names such as Agnieszka to Aga, or Jakub to Kuba (a big leap from formal to intimate in the loss of a single letter), and you'll make friends for life. If you want to take matters further, then try the popular terms of endearment, kotku/'little kitten' and, for a boy, misiu/'little bear'. Note: your lips will be in a permanent kiss with the u/oo- shapes of these romantic appellations. | 1. The Poles are big on diminutives. Truncate long names such as Agnieszka to Aga, or Jakub to Kuba (a big leap from formal to intimate in the loss of a single letter), and you'll make friends for life. If you want to take matters further, then try the popular terms of endearment, kotku/'little kitten' and, for a boy, misiu/'little bear'. Note: your lips will be in a permanent kiss with the u/oo- shapes of these romantic appellations. |
| 2. In moments of total incomprehension, resort to that familiar British tactic, the "phonetic-pathetic", in which you try to make a foreign word sound like an English one. Przepraszam/'excuse me' is a perfect example. It sounds a little like 'Push past them!' So whisper 'push past them!' as you squeeze by some Polish folk and see how they move aside. But this approach has its dangers: if you hear kawka (pronounced Kafka), don't start quoting the Czech author – in Polish, the word means 'little coffee'. | 2. In moments of total incomprehension, resort to that familiar British tactic, the "phonetic-pathetic", in which you try to make a foreign word sound like an English one. Przepraszam/'excuse me' is a perfect example. It sounds a little like 'Push past them!' So whisper 'push past them!' as you squeeze by some Polish folk and see how they move aside. But this approach has its dangers: if you hear kawka (pronounced Kafka), don't start quoting the Czech author – in Polish, the word means 'little coffee'. |
| 3. Rolled Rs are neither favoured nor successfully executed by the English. Commenting on my failure, a Polish tutor once said to me: "Your palates are shaped the wrong way!" But these growling Rs are necessary to swear effectively in Polish. You'll hear kurwa/'whore' every other word in a burst of street-slang, so if you need to slip out of a tight corner, a quick ja pierdole!/'fuck me!' will get everyone slapping your back. | |
| 4. The sleeping technique. Taking Brodsky's advice further, try to read, in Polish and in bed, the poetry of Herbert and Rozewicz, as well as Nobel prize-winners Czesław Miłosz and Wisława Szymborska. Their lullaby linguistics will make sense in your dreams, so that when you wake you'll find yourself babbling the lyrics to Julian Tuwim's famously rhythmic Lokomotywa. Cudownie!/'Miraculous!' Another version of the sleeping technique is to date a Polish wo/man. In the morning, be sure to whisper: Kochany, gdzie jest moja Kawa?/'Darling (male), where is my coffee?' | 4. The sleeping technique. Taking Brodsky's advice further, try to read, in Polish and in bed, the poetry of Herbert and Rozewicz, as well as Nobel prize-winners Czesław Miłosz and Wisława Szymborska. Their lullaby linguistics will make sense in your dreams, so that when you wake you'll find yourself babbling the lyrics to Julian Tuwim's famously rhythmic Lokomotywa. Cudownie!/'Miraculous!' Another version of the sleeping technique is to date a Polish wo/man. In the morning, be sure to whisper: Kochany, gdzie jest moja Kawa?/'Darling (male), where is my coffee?' |
| 5. A shot or two of Wódka Wyborowa – na zdrowie!/'cheers!' - will untie your tongue for that sh-ch train of consonants. And once you've mastered the fact that 'ł' is pronounced 'w' then you will be chatting over a plate of pierogi with your new Polish neighbours in their native language about the composer Lutosławski – whose centenary is currently being celebrated at the Festival Hall and on BBC Radio 3. | 5. A shot or two of Wódka Wyborowa – na zdrowie!/'cheers!' - will untie your tongue for that sh-ch train of consonants. And once you've mastered the fact that 'ł' is pronounced 'w' then you will be chatting over a plate of pierogi with your new Polish neighbours in their native language about the composer Lutosławski – whose centenary is currently being celebrated at the Festival Hall and on BBC Radio 3. |
| 6. Finally, if ever in doubt, just nod your head sagely and exclaim, dokładnie!/'exactly!'. | 6. Finally, if ever in doubt, just nod your head sagely and exclaim, dokładnie!/'exactly!'. |
| • The second and third parts of James Hopkin's Dalmatian Trilogy of stories will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on February 17 & 24 | • The second and third parts of James Hopkin's Dalmatian Trilogy of stories will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on February 17 & 24 |