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You can find the current article at its original source at http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/feb/16/welsh-secretary-views-same-sex-parents
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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| Welsh secretary is wayward in views on same-sex parents | Welsh secretary is wayward in views on same-sex parents |
| (7 months later) | |
| The comments by David Jones, the Welsh secretary, that same-sex couples are unable to provide a safe environment for bringing up children represent a view which those who have experience of placing children with such couples and have been able to follow their development over a period of years cannot endorse. | The comments by David Jones, the Welsh secretary, that same-sex couples are unable to provide a safe environment for bringing up children represent a view which those who have experience of placing children with such couples and have been able to follow their development over a period of years cannot endorse. |
| The capacity to parent is not related to sexuality. Indeed there are children who were born into a family with parents who were married to each other and have suffered abuse and neglect in those families. | The capacity to parent is not related to sexuality. Indeed there are children who were born into a family with parents who were married to each other and have suffered abuse and neglect in those families. |
| Coram has experience of placing children with gay and lesbian adopters over a period of 20 years. Our approach to adoption is child-centred in that we are looking for parents with the particular qualities needed in adopters – particularly adopters of children who have suffered neglect, abuse of other trauma and are likely to have additional needs throughout their childhood. | Coram has experience of placing children with gay and lesbian adopters over a period of 20 years. Our approach to adoption is child-centred in that we are looking for parents with the particular qualities needed in adopters – particularly adopters of children who have suffered neglect, abuse of other trauma and are likely to have additional needs throughout their childhood. |
| We therefore do not have a blueprint of the kind of family who might be suitable to adopt. Rather we start from the premise that we need parents who will be committed to the child they adopt for the long term, parents who can understand the emotional baggage that the children are likely to bring with them. | We therefore do not have a blueprint of the kind of family who might be suitable to adopt. Rather we start from the premise that we need parents who will be committed to the child they adopt for the long term, parents who can understand the emotional baggage that the children are likely to bring with them. |
| The children who need adoptive families often have experienced broken attachments and have had relationships with parents and other carers who were unreliable and often punitive. | The children who need adoptive families often have experienced broken attachments and have had relationships with parents and other carers who were unreliable and often punitive. |
| They therefore have little trust in adults or expectation that they will be able to care for them. They need parents who can withstand rejection and provide opportunities for the child to enjoy positive experiences and gradually discover that it is safe to be a child and to depend on the adults. | They therefore have little trust in adults or expectation that they will be able to care for them. They need parents who can withstand rejection and provide opportunities for the child to enjoy positive experiences and gradually discover that it is safe to be a child and to depend on the adults. |
| Adopters also need to feel comfortable with the reality that their child has another set of biological parents and to be able to help their child make sense of his or her identity as s/he grows up. | Adopters also need to feel comfortable with the reality that their child has another set of biological parents and to be able to help their child make sense of his or her identity as s/he grows up. |
| Research has demonstrated that one of the most important qualities in an adoptive parent is empathy – the ability to see things from another person's point of view and try to understand where they are coming from. | Research has demonstrated that one of the most important qualities in an adoptive parent is empathy – the ability to see things from another person's point of view and try to understand where they are coming from. |
| This is not something linked to sexual orientation, but to people's life experience and how they have processed difficult experiences in their own lives. | This is not something linked to sexual orientation, but to people's life experience and how they have processed difficult experiences in their own lives. |
| Thus we are seeking adopters whose life experience has equipped them for this task, who have confidence in themselves and who help their child to feel that the world is a safe place. | Thus we are seeking adopters whose life experience has equipped them for this task, who have confidence in themselves and who help their child to feel that the world is a safe place. |
| Recent research by Susan Golombok of the University of Cambridge which was published last year compared the outcomes for children adopted by heterosexual, gay and lesbian couples. | Recent research by Susan Golombok of the University of Cambridge which was published last year compared the outcomes for children adopted by heterosexual, gay and lesbian couples. |
| This research confirmed the experience of adoption agencies such as Coram which have placed children with same-sex couples over a period of time, that these parents are capable of providing loving, secure homes in which children thrive. | This research confirmed the experience of adoption agencies such as Coram which have placed children with same-sex couples over a period of time, that these parents are capable of providing loving, secure homes in which children thrive. |
| Children in same-sex adoptive households face different challenges than those raised by heterosexual couples. | Children in same-sex adoptive households face different challenges than those raised by heterosexual couples. |
| Many heterosexual couples come to adoption after an extended period of infertility treatment, and for them there may be a challenge to put aside their feelings of loss, and to enjoy parenting their adopted children without feelings of regret for the 'ideal' fantasy child. | Many heterosexual couples come to adoption after an extended period of infertility treatment, and for them there may be a challenge to put aside their feelings of loss, and to enjoy parenting their adopted children without feelings of regret for the 'ideal' fantasy child. |
| On the other hand, children raised by same-sex couples may face homophobic comments and need additional support from their parents to deal with these. However, the key for all these children is that above all they need the experience of having parents who love them and can give them the experience of feeling valued for themselves – something that most children can take fore granted. If they are to develop the inner strength and resilience to cope with the ordinary challenges of life, they need the confidence that comes from being loved and feeling secure. | On the other hand, children raised by same-sex couples may face homophobic comments and need additional support from their parents to deal with these. However, the key for all these children is that above all they need the experience of having parents who love them and can give them the experience of feeling valued for themselves – something that most children can take fore granted. If they are to develop the inner strength and resilience to cope with the ordinary challenges of life, they need the confidence that comes from being loved and feeling secure. |
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