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Africa is keeping up with Kim Kardashian – but will it pay the price? Africa is keeping up with Kim Kardashian – but will it pay the price?
(7 months later)
Can you 419 an entire country? Lost in Showbiz is moved to ask after Ms Kim Kardashian tweeted the following fateful words last Saturday: "Just landed in Lagos! 1st time in Nigeria, yay!" Less than 48 hours later, the reality star was back in Los Angeles, reportedly $500,000 the richer.Can you 419 an entire country? Lost in Showbiz is moved to ask after Ms Kim Kardashian tweeted the following fateful words last Saturday: "Just landed in Lagos! 1st time in Nigeria, yay!" Less than 48 hours later, the reality star was back in Los Angeles, reportedly $500,000 the richer.
A 419, of course, refers to the internet slang for an email scam, one of Nigeria's least-celebrated cultural exports. As for Kim, if she is not America's absolute least-celebrated cultural export, then she's certainly up there with oil wars and the McAfrika burger.A 419, of course, refers to the internet slang for an email scam, one of Nigeria's least-celebrated cultural exports. As for Kim, if she is not America's absolute least-celebrated cultural export, then she's certainly up there with oil wars and the McAfrika burger.
Needless to say, Kim's modus operandi in Nigeria was not an email headed "Awaiting Your Response", and opening with the introduction: "My name is Kim Kardashian, one of the rapidly proliferating daughters of reality warlord (warlady?) Kris Jenner, and I seek your assistance in a most sensitive matter …"Needless to say, Kim's modus operandi in Nigeria was not an email headed "Awaiting Your Response", and opening with the introduction: "My name is Kim Kardashian, one of the rapidly proliferating daughters of reality warlord (warlady?) Kris Jenner, and I seek your assistance in a most sensitive matter …"
Instead, she seems to have made a sensationally brief appearance at a nightclub, nominally introducing a concert for which Nigeria's great and good – don't ask me to make value judgments, I just type this stuff – paid the equivalent of $640 a head.Instead, she seems to have made a sensationally brief appearance at a nightclub, nominally introducing a concert for which Nigeria's great and good – don't ask me to make value judgments, I just type this stuff – paid the equivalent of $640 a head.
Just another fixture from the endtimes court and social page, you might think, until you recall that not four weeks ago, Kim was in Ivory Coast. Or Ivory Koast, as it may well have been asked to rebrand itself for the duration of her visit. Her business was to promote some local product or other, but there, and in Nigeria, she seems to have split the regional press. On the one hand were the publications claiming that her presence proves Nigeria is an attractive destination for international celebrities, while on the other were the likes of GhanaCelebrities.com, which inquired: "My questions is: what is wrong with us Africans? When did Kim Kardashian become so good at hosting that she has to be paid thousands of dollars and be brought to Nigeria to handle a concert?"Just another fixture from the endtimes court and social page, you might think, until you recall that not four weeks ago, Kim was in Ivory Coast. Or Ivory Koast, as it may well have been asked to rebrand itself for the duration of her visit. Her business was to promote some local product or other, but there, and in Nigeria, she seems to have split the regional press. On the one hand were the publications claiming that her presence proves Nigeria is an attractive destination for international celebrities, while on the other were the likes of GhanaCelebrities.com, which inquired: "My questions is: what is wrong with us Africans? When did Kim Kardashian become so good at hosting that she has to be paid thousands of dollars and be brought to Nigeria to handle a concert?"
Let's cross to the publicist for her Ivory Coast appearance for an answer. "Kim Kardashian is different from the generally known stars," he opined. "She doesn't sing. She doesn't dance. But she's still famous. She has her own talent to be herself and make people love her. She travels around the country, around the world, receiving thousands of fans. People even pay $1,500 to see her in the Middle East – that means something." I wouldn't regard it as a hallmark, but go on. "She is free. She moves from one topic to another one without worrying or thinking about it. She's a kind of role model."Let's cross to the publicist for her Ivory Coast appearance for an answer. "Kim Kardashian is different from the generally known stars," he opined. "She doesn't sing. She doesn't dance. But she's still famous. She has her own talent to be herself and make people love her. She travels around the country, around the world, receiving thousands of fans. People even pay $1,500 to see her in the Middle East – that means something." I wouldn't regard it as a hallmark, but go on. "She is free. She moves from one topic to another one without worrying or thinking about it. She's a kind of role model."
Mm. Or is she, in fact, the US government's stealthiest new nation-building weapon? Consider this report for the locals, compiled by Voice of America, which you may know is the official external broadcast network of the US government. "American reality television star Kim Kardashian is making a visit to the west African nation of Ivory Coast," began a VOA report datelined Abidjan, "where her family's shows have earned her a loyal following." So far, so unremarkable. But here's where it gets a bit Operation Enduring Mindmelt. "While the family's exploits might be seen as decadent and absurd by some Americans," we learn, "fans in the commercial capital of Abidjan view the shows as heartfelt family dramas featuring girls familiar with struggle and hard work."Mm. Or is she, in fact, the US government's stealthiest new nation-building weapon? Consider this report for the locals, compiled by Voice of America, which you may know is the official external broadcast network of the US government. "American reality television star Kim Kardashian is making a visit to the west African nation of Ivory Coast," began a VOA report datelined Abidjan, "where her family's shows have earned her a loyal following." So far, so unremarkable. But here's where it gets a bit Operation Enduring Mindmelt. "While the family's exploits might be seen as decadent and absurd by some Americans," we learn, "fans in the commercial capital of Abidjan view the shows as heartfelt family dramas featuring girls familiar with struggle and hard work."

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Do they? Adduced in evidence is the testimony of a boutique worker, while, in a half-arsed gesture at balance, a more sceptical viewer inquires: "I'd like to know why she's coming and what she'll be able to do for us." Oh, madam! Ask not what Kim can do for Ivory Coast. Ask instead what ... well, you get the picture.Do they? Adduced in evidence is the testimony of a boutique worker, while, in a half-arsed gesture at balance, a more sceptical viewer inquires: "I'd like to know why she's coming and what she'll be able to do for us." Oh, madam! Ask not what Kim can do for Ivory Coast. Ask instead what ... well, you get the picture.
By the time an Ivorian is wheeled on to give her nation's precis of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, however, the alarm bells should be giving you tinnitus. "It shows us the American spirit, and the American way of life," this supposed member of the public says. "People struggle to earn their living every day, and then when they succeed in life they get big cars, houses, luxurious things. It shows us how American people live."By the time an Ivorian is wheeled on to give her nation's precis of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, however, the alarm bells should be giving you tinnitus. "It shows us the American spirit, and the American way of life," this supposed member of the public says. "People struggle to earn their living every day, and then when they succeed in life they get big cars, houses, luxurious things. It shows us how American people live."
Well. Voice of America has long been cited as a propaganda tool of the US government, but this seems brainwashing even by those standards. LiS is reminded once again of the radical diplomatic manoeuvre nicknamed The Fatal Hug, which proposes the embrace of states you wish to destabilise. As one academic told Time magazine: "There is a theory that American cultural and economic power is so insidiously attractive that opening up to the US would be the death of these regimes."Well. Voice of America has long been cited as a propaganda tool of the US government, but this seems brainwashing even by those standards. LiS is reminded once again of the radical diplomatic manoeuvre nicknamed The Fatal Hug, which proposes the embrace of states you wish to destabilise. As one academic told Time magazine: "There is a theory that American cultural and economic power is so insidiously attractive that opening up to the US would be the death of these regimes."
So there you have it. The US government is conducting a covert campaign in sub-Saharan Africa via the strategic deployment of Ms Kimberley Kardashian, whose narcotising presence is widely credited with being able to usher in the change a military campaign could only dream of. When David Cameron talked of a decades-long struggle against al-Qaida in the region, was this the "better strategy" at which Hillary Clinton hinted?So there you have it. The US government is conducting a covert campaign in sub-Saharan Africa via the strategic deployment of Ms Kimberley Kardashian, whose narcotising presence is widely credited with being able to usher in the change a military campaign could only dream of. When David Cameron talked of a decades-long struggle against al-Qaida in the region, was this the "better strategy" at which Hillary Clinton hinted?
Time was that would have involved arming some rebels or a mujahideen or whatever. Such are the advances in smart warfare, however, that geo-strategists now sketch scenarios where even an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians in which Kendall and Kylie asking to be homeschooled can trigger electoral violence across the Sahel, while Kourtney working out her feelings for Scott is the touchpaper for a crisis in Tuareg nationalism. Call it The Kardashian Doktrine, perhaps, or Keeping Down With the Kardashians.Time was that would have involved arming some rebels or a mujahideen or whatever. Such are the advances in smart warfare, however, that geo-strategists now sketch scenarios where even an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians in which Kendall and Kylie asking to be homeschooled can trigger electoral violence across the Sahel, while Kourtney working out her feelings for Scott is the touchpaper for a crisis in Tuareg nationalism. Call it The Kardashian Doktrine, perhaps, or Keeping Down With the Kardashians.
As for where Kim will show up next, instinct suggests Mali might be a mission too far even for a crack nightclub guest-star such as herself. But wherever it may be, I think we can all agree that Kim is basically this generation's Iran Contra, and her as-yet unacknowledged activities may yet end with Barack Obama appearing before a presidential commission and having to bluster that he simply didn't know the extent of his national security council's activities.As for where Kim will show up next, instinct suggests Mali might be a mission too far even for a crack nightclub guest-star such as herself. But wherever it may be, I think we can all agree that Kim is basically this generation's Iran Contra, and her as-yet unacknowledged activities may yet end with Barack Obama appearing before a presidential commission and having to bluster that he simply didn't know the extent of his national security council's activities.
Like very little else, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.Like very little else, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.
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