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Why are the British so obsessed with the Queen's bowels? Why are the British so obsessed with the Queen's bowels?
(7 months later)
Never has Britain felt more alien to continentals. I'm not talking about David Cameron's endless pantomime over Europe. I'm talking about royal bowels.Never has Britain felt more alien to continentals. I'm not talking about David Cameron's endless pantomime over Europe. I'm talking about royal bowels.
Since Friday and the news that the Queen was suffering from "symptoms of gastroenteritis", anyone watching television, listening to the radio or reading newspapers has been treated to excruciatingly long reports about Elizabeth II's intestinal problems. Visitors to Britain have watched, open-mouthed, 10-minute reports on BBC News, with royal correspondents posted at the gates of Windsor Castle, painfully trying to elaborate on the subject. Yesterday, we even woke up to the sound of Radio 4's Today programme giving the nation a lecture on the royal bug. A professor of gastroenterology at the University of Nottingham came on especially to enlighten us all on the nature of this very special stomach bug.Since Friday and the news that the Queen was suffering from "symptoms of gastroenteritis", anyone watching television, listening to the radio or reading newspapers has been treated to excruciatingly long reports about Elizabeth II's intestinal problems. Visitors to Britain have watched, open-mouthed, 10-minute reports on BBC News, with royal correspondents posted at the gates of Windsor Castle, painfully trying to elaborate on the subject. Yesterday, we even woke up to the sound of Radio 4's Today programme giving the nation a lecture on the royal bug. A professor of gastroenterology at the University of Nottingham came on especially to enlighten us all on the nature of this very special stomach bug.
In all these reports, not a hint of irony. Au contraire. The word "diarrhoea" is uttered with po-faced seriousness, as if it is synonymous with crown jewels.In all these reports, not a hint of irony. Au contraire. The word "diarrhoea" is uttered with po-faced seriousness, as if it is synonymous with crown jewels.
What we are witnessing is a clear reminder that Britain has two personas: it exists on two timescales, and in two parallel universes.What we are witnessing is a clear reminder that Britain has two personas: it exists on two timescales, and in two parallel universes.
On one hand, Britain is a modern parliamentary democracy; on the other, it is an ancien régime shrouded in medieval mysticism. The monarch has two bodies, one mortal, one eternal, or as Ernst Kantorowicz wrote in his 1957 bestseller The King's Two Bodies, a body natural and a body politic. And so here we are, in 2013 realising that the country that gave us punk is also the country whose head of state holds her position by some kind of divine right (not so strange, perhaps, when one considers that punk partly derives from the existence of monarchy).On one hand, Britain is a modern parliamentary democracy; on the other, it is an ancien régime shrouded in medieval mysticism. The monarch has two bodies, one mortal, one eternal, or as Ernst Kantorowicz wrote in his 1957 bestseller The King's Two Bodies, a body natural and a body politic. And so here we are, in 2013 realising that the country that gave us punk is also the country whose head of state holds her position by some kind of divine right (not so strange, perhaps, when one considers that punk partly derives from the existence of monarchy).
When the Times featured the "event" of Elizabeth's illness on its front page while carrying inside its pages a picture of the Duchess of Cambridge's four-month pregnant bump, Hilary Mantel's recent and strangely controversial essay, Royal Bodies, seemed more relevant and salient than ever. From pregnancy to gastroenteritis: here is the royal venter in all its shapes, suffering and glory.When the Times featured the "event" of Elizabeth's illness on its front page while carrying inside its pages a picture of the Duchess of Cambridge's four-month pregnant bump, Hilary Mantel's recent and strangely controversial essay, Royal Bodies, seemed more relevant and salient than ever. From pregnancy to gastroenteritis: here is the royal venter in all its shapes, suffering and glory.
Mantel wrote of Henry VIII and his cohort of women as royal vaginas. We could speak of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette who, on their wedding night, were ushered into bed, surrounded by the royal family and courtiers. Among the voyeurs, Louis XV, who was personally recorded to have honoured his Queen Marie seven times during their first night, and encouraged the young couple before curtains were drawn. Valets and royal housekeepers remained however in the royal chamber until dawn when they had to testify on the royal frolicking.Mantel wrote of Henry VIII and his cohort of women as royal vaginas. We could speak of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette who, on their wedding night, were ushered into bed, surrounded by the royal family and courtiers. Among the voyeurs, Louis XV, who was personally recorded to have honoured his Queen Marie seven times during their first night, and encouraged the young couple before curtains were drawn. Valets and royal housekeepers remained however in the royal chamber until dawn when they had to testify on the royal frolicking.
Or we could evoke the Sun King, whose body (and bodily functions) was in permanent public display at Versailles. Louis XIV was installed at 9am on his royal potty chair in front of two dozen courtiers while his barber would deftly dispose of royal hairs.Or we could evoke the Sun King, whose body (and bodily functions) was in permanent public display at Versailles. Louis XIV was installed at 9am on his royal potty chair in front of two dozen courtiers while his barber would deftly dispose of royal hairs.
Body parts, if royal, carry potency. They are not what they seem to us, mere mortals; they are not just decaying flesh. Royal fluids are divine potions. The Queen's excrement is like the teardrops of Christ: sacred relics.Body parts, if royal, carry potency. They are not what they seem to us, mere mortals; they are not just decaying flesh. Royal fluids are divine potions. The Queen's excrement is like the teardrops of Christ: sacred relics.
When a monarch dies, they lie in state for days, so that the whole nation can pay their respects, but more importantly still, so that they acknowledge by their presence the continuity and permanence of the institution. In 2002, to many Europeans' stupor, 200,000 British people waited for hours in the cold and rain to pay their respects to the Queen Mother, an aristocrat who never reigned. If anything, the attention paid to the Queen's intestinal bug is a testimony to Britain's innate conservatism and of the well-known adage plus ça change … The more things change, the more they stay the same.When a monarch dies, they lie in state for days, so that the whole nation can pay their respects, but more importantly still, so that they acknowledge by their presence the continuity and permanence of the institution. In 2002, to many Europeans' stupor, 200,000 British people waited for hours in the cold and rain to pay their respects to the Queen Mother, an aristocrat who never reigned. If anything, the attention paid to the Queen's intestinal bug is a testimony to Britain's innate conservatism and of the well-known adage plus ça change … The more things change, the more they stay the same.
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