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| Vicky Pryce: Margaret Cook on political marriages | Vicky Pryce: Margaret Cook on political marriages |
| (4 months later) | |
| The truth behind the trials of Vicky Pryce hinges on the dynamics of a relationship that few people will understand, having never been there themselves. | The truth behind the trials of Vicky Pryce hinges on the dynamics of a relationship that few people will understand, having never been there themselves. |
| Prosecuting counsel, Andrew Edis QC, could not believe that Pryce – whom he described as "one of the most powerful, talented, intelligent and trusted women in the country" – would be cowed by her husband to the extent of taking the rap for him when he was caught speeding. | Prosecuting counsel, Andrew Edis QC, could not believe that Pryce – whom he described as "one of the most powerful, talented, intelligent and trusted women in the country" – would be cowed by her husband to the extent of taking the rap for him when he was caught speeding. |
| No doubt Edis was overdoing the superlatives for the sake of his argument, but even if Pryce were all that he says, in my view, it is perfectly possible that she could be bullied in that way by a politically ambitious man. | No doubt Edis was overdoing the superlatives for the sake of his argument, but even if Pryce were all that he says, in my view, it is perfectly possible that she could be bullied in that way by a politically ambitious man. |
| True, in 2003, at the time of the speeding offence that triggered this entire sequence of events, Chris Huhne was merely a prospective parliamentary candidate for a non-major party. But a man with a political roadmap planned out, moving forward to his ambitious goal, brooks no opposition or obstacle. He is almost deluded in his fixation that he is destined to rise and rise. Huhne's breathtaking audacity in expecting his wife to take his penalties – the shovelling of the moral imperative on to her, and the assertion (which he clearly believed) that it would be her fault if he lost his driving licence and so didn't get elected – is symptomatic of this delusion and his belief that he was above and beyond any ethical consideration. | True, in 2003, at the time of the speeding offence that triggered this entire sequence of events, Chris Huhne was merely a prospective parliamentary candidate for a non-major party. But a man with a political roadmap planned out, moving forward to his ambitious goal, brooks no opposition or obstacle. He is almost deluded in his fixation that he is destined to rise and rise. Huhne's breathtaking audacity in expecting his wife to take his penalties – the shovelling of the moral imperative on to her, and the assertion (which he clearly believed) that it would be her fault if he lost his driving licence and so didn't get elected – is symptomatic of this delusion and his belief that he was above and beyond any ethical consideration. |
| The syndrome is recognisable to any observer of politics, even to past politicians. | The syndrome is recognisable to any observer of politics, even to past politicians. |
| I know it from my first marriage to former foreign secretary Robin Cook, whom I watched through nearly 30 years of greasy-pole climbing. David Owen had sufficient insight to write about this kind of behaviour and called it the Hubris syndrome. Most clearly seen in historic big names, it is in my experience something that starts very early in the career trajectory, even in the also-rans. | I know it from my first marriage to former foreign secretary Robin Cook, whom I watched through nearly 30 years of greasy-pole climbing. David Owen had sufficient insight to write about this kind of behaviour and called it the Hubris syndrome. Most clearly seen in historic big names, it is in my experience something that starts very early in the career trajectory, even in the also-rans. |
| The difficulty for the spouse is the intensity of her man's belief – a well-known feature of delusional behaviour – which is often inaccessible to logic and seemingly in denial of all principles previously held dear. If the male ambition is achieved, his spouse is likely to submit totally and buy into his estimate of his own quasi-messianic dominant role. Even in democratic Britain, we do not have a custom of First Ladies, who are individuals in their own right. They must appear to be a step behind, adoring, supportive, mindlessly compliant, and above all, silent; the models for the wives of lesser, aspiring men. | The difficulty for the spouse is the intensity of her man's belief – a well-known feature of delusional behaviour – which is often inaccessible to logic and seemingly in denial of all principles previously held dear. If the male ambition is achieved, his spouse is likely to submit totally and buy into his estimate of his own quasi-messianic dominant role. Even in democratic Britain, we do not have a custom of First Ladies, who are individuals in their own right. They must appear to be a step behind, adoring, supportive, mindlessly compliant, and above all, silent; the models for the wives of lesser, aspiring men. |
| This unequal relationship is not achieved overnight. It evolves through many years, and, as I can testify, it is a starkly chilling process. You start off with a reasonably equitable marital relationship, and slowly observe it being transformed into one between an alpha male and his handmaiden. You need to struggle to maintain your status. | This unequal relationship is not achieved overnight. It evolves through many years, and, as I can testify, it is a starkly chilling process. You start off with a reasonably equitable marital relationship, and slowly observe it being transformed into one between an alpha male and his handmaiden. You need to struggle to maintain your status. |
| Robin's commitment to his career was single-minded. One incident that sticks in my mind involved access to the home phone. Difficult to understand in these days of universal mobiles, but this was aeons ago. I had been dealing with laboratory tests on an obstetric emergency at my hospital. While waiting for the tests to be performed, I drove home. I needed the results as quickly as possible in order to organise and prescribe urgent blood products. I found that Robin was using the phone for reasons that were, for him, important, but for me, completely trivial. | Robin's commitment to his career was single-minded. One incident that sticks in my mind involved access to the home phone. Difficult to understand in these days of universal mobiles, but this was aeons ago. I had been dealing with laboratory tests on an obstetric emergency at my hospital. While waiting for the tests to be performed, I drove home. I needed the results as quickly as possible in order to organise and prescribe urgent blood products. I found that Robin was using the phone for reasons that were, for him, important, but for me, completely trivial. |
| A heated argument ensued. I was sure he would give way when he knew the reason, and was astounded at his protracted resistance, and the number of times I had to return to the attack. It took the threat of death of a mother and baby – in his constituency – before he backed down. I use this illustration to try to indicate the profundity of the delusion that an ambitious man can have about his own affairs, and how blinkered he can be to any other imperative. This is a difficult concept for many people to accept, that behaviour patterns can be so radically affected by circumstance, even to the transformation of moral perspectives. But the stereotype of the ambitious politician stands as evidence. It is as if the approach to power brings a decivilising process and a return to the primitive. | A heated argument ensued. I was sure he would give way when he knew the reason, and was astounded at his protracted resistance, and the number of times I had to return to the attack. It took the threat of death of a mother and baby – in his constituency – before he backed down. I use this illustration to try to indicate the profundity of the delusion that an ambitious man can have about his own affairs, and how blinkered he can be to any other imperative. This is a difficult concept for many people to accept, that behaviour patterns can be so radically affected by circumstance, even to the transformation of moral perspectives. But the stereotype of the ambitious politician stands as evidence. It is as if the approach to power brings a decivilising process and a return to the primitive. |
| I have no doubt that Chris Huhne had exactly the same self-important feeling – that it was vital for his wife to do her duty by him, to take his penalty points, to bear the inconvenience for his sake. How could she not see it? Under those circumstances, it can be extraordinarily hard for the wife to resist. I won my battle for the phone, but in general it was difficult not to accept that he had the precedence and the priority in many little things; chore-sharing, use of the car, the need for silence, choice of this and that. Cerebrally I might disagree, but he unfailingly acted out his part, and I viscerally followed suit. One should remember that this is evolved behaviour, a biological imperative that we humans have not yet entirely left behind. I would say to Robin that if he had been the consultant and I the MP, his career would still have been the one of prime importance, and mine merely a pastime. | I have no doubt that Chris Huhne had exactly the same self-important feeling – that it was vital for his wife to do her duty by him, to take his penalty points, to bear the inconvenience for his sake. How could she not see it? Under those circumstances, it can be extraordinarily hard for the wife to resist. I won my battle for the phone, but in general it was difficult not to accept that he had the precedence and the priority in many little things; chore-sharing, use of the car, the need for silence, choice of this and that. Cerebrally I might disagree, but he unfailingly acted out his part, and I viscerally followed suit. One should remember that this is evolved behaviour, a biological imperative that we humans have not yet entirely left behind. I would say to Robin that if he had been the consultant and I the MP, his career would still have been the one of prime importance, and mine merely a pastime. |
| A most critical development in such a marriage is the presence of children, when the balance of power is radically shifted. Women are programmed to keep the peace and protect the kids from the male of the house; and he can be quick to use this advantage to manipulate with aggressive or threatening behaviour. Such threats don't need to be overt; women learn to recognise and avoid them. In the Huhne family, the children clearly knew of the wrangling that was going on between the adults over the penalty points. Little did Huhne know how that would come back to haunt him. | A most critical development in such a marriage is the presence of children, when the balance of power is radically shifted. Women are programmed to keep the peace and protect the kids from the male of the house; and he can be quick to use this advantage to manipulate with aggressive or threatening behaviour. Such threats don't need to be overt; women learn to recognise and avoid them. In the Huhne family, the children clearly knew of the wrangling that was going on between the adults over the penalty points. Little did Huhne know how that would come back to haunt him. |
| I don't suppose we will ever know the details of what happened between the couple and how Pryce came to take her former husband's speeding points 10 years ago. It would be my guess that there was some motive of shielding the children from unpleasantness. We can discount any assertion that she had no choice, yet she may have come to the conclusion that complying was the lesser of two evils. Huhne will now appreciate that if, as a high-flyer, you treat your wife like muck, you would be wise to hang on to her, or it will all come out, to your detriment, in the wash. | I don't suppose we will ever know the details of what happened between the couple and how Pryce came to take her former husband's speeding points 10 years ago. It would be my guess that there was some motive of shielding the children from unpleasantness. We can discount any assertion that she had no choice, yet she may have come to the conclusion that complying was the lesser of two evils. Huhne will now appreciate that if, as a high-flyer, you treat your wife like muck, you would be wise to hang on to her, or it will all come out, to your detriment, in the wash. |
| Pryce has not done herself any favours by being explicit in seeking revenge, wanting to "nail" her husband. This is a misogynist male world's worst nightmare, the "hell hath no fury" vision. It is a terrible label to apply to a grieving deserted wife, and yet goes along with the brutal tendency to demonise such women and imply that being deserted was all their own fault. I experienced this not only from vocal male opinion, but also from numbers of prominent women and feminists, from whom one might have expected sisterly support. | Pryce has not done herself any favours by being explicit in seeking revenge, wanting to "nail" her husband. This is a misogynist male world's worst nightmare, the "hell hath no fury" vision. It is a terrible label to apply to a grieving deserted wife, and yet goes along with the brutal tendency to demonise such women and imply that being deserted was all their own fault. I experienced this not only from vocal male opinion, but also from numbers of prominent women and feminists, from whom one might have expected sisterly support. |
| Pryce has every right to talk frankly about the things that happened in her marriage, perhaps even a duty to do so, in order that we can see how ambitious public figures behave. She should not be seen as cynical for her revelations. But she is not getting a lot of sympathy at the moment, and I fear the result of her trial reflects all the unjustness of that prejudice against the discarded wife. | Pryce has every right to talk frankly about the things that happened in her marriage, perhaps even a duty to do so, in order that we can see how ambitious public figures behave. She should not be seen as cynical for her revelations. But she is not getting a lot of sympathy at the moment, and I fear the result of her trial reflects all the unjustness of that prejudice against the discarded wife. |
| And her husband has lost irretrievably, it seems, the affections of at least one of his sons. That is probably the most bitter punishment of all, worse even than losing his career. | And her husband has lost irretrievably, it seems, the affections of at least one of his sons. That is probably the most bitter punishment of all, worse even than losing his career. |
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