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Zoe Williams: Miranda the Mad March wedding planner Zoe Williams: Miranda the Mad March wedding planner
(7 months later)
Miranda Hart is more than a force of nature: she is a force of entertainment; she is like a whole genre made of person. She is so purely Comic Relief that you wonder how it got by before she existed.Miranda Hart is more than a force of nature: she is a force of entertainment; she is like a whole genre made of person. She is so purely Comic Relief that you wonder how it got by before she existed.
Yesterday marked the final event in Miranda's Mad March, a week of self-abasing activities that, as these things so often do, had to be performed in a babygrow (I don't accept the "onesie" terminology – you can take the baby out of the garment; you cannot take the association of baby out of the garment). She's launched a band in Birmingham and a dog show in Oxford. She's hurt her knee in a freak accident on a low heel. Everybody whispers very respectfully about the knee.Yesterday marked the final event in Miranda's Mad March, a week of self-abasing activities that, as these things so often do, had to be performed in a babygrow (I don't accept the "onesie" terminology – you can take the baby out of the garment; you cannot take the association of baby out of the garment). She's launched a band in Birmingham and a dog show in Oxford. She's hurt her knee in a freak accident on a low heel. Everybody whispers very respectfully about the knee.
Yesterday, by the laws of her own comic universe, she should have been forced to marry, for charity. She should have been sponsored for how long she could make that marriage last; but some killjoy somewhere must have rowed back from the idea that you could feed a person's entire life into the jaws of the hilarious spinster stereotype, and here she was, the wedding planner. Ben and Claire, a couple from Kent, were to be married in the Old Town Hall on London's Marylebone Road.Yesterday, by the laws of her own comic universe, she should have been forced to marry, for charity. She should have been sponsored for how long she could make that marriage last; but some killjoy somewhere must have rowed back from the idea that you could feed a person's entire life into the jaws of the hilarious spinster stereotype, and here she was, the wedding planner. Ben and Claire, a couple from Kent, were to be married in the Old Town Hall on London's Marylebone Road.
Sally Phillips was on her way up the town hall steps, her jaunty look topped by a blue trilby. She is one of those comic actors whose mere presence I find reassuring (a comic relief, if you like). I can't imagine her throwing herself into anything rubbish, and she is always 100% thrown in. Nevertheless, does she not think the enterprise just a little, maybe a very small amount, lacking in solemnity?Sally Phillips was on her way up the town hall steps, her jaunty look topped by a blue trilby. She is one of those comic actors whose mere presence I find reassuring (a comic relief, if you like). I can't imagine her throwing herself into anything rubbish, and she is always 100% thrown in. Nevertheless, does she not think the enterprise just a little, maybe a very small amount, lacking in solemnity?
"You're asking the wrong person, really," she says. "Because I offered myself to the highest bidder, as a wife, for a comic relief ages ago. Then they couldn't use it because they decided it was illegal.""You're asking the wrong person, really," she says. "Because I offered myself to the highest bidder, as a wife, for a comic relief ages ago. Then they couldn't use it because they decided it was illegal."
Huh. This throws me. "Who were you hoping would snap you up?"Huh. This throws me. "Who were you hoping would snap you up?"
"I was feeling pretty bleak. I'd just been dumped over the phone. By my fiancé.""I was feeling pretty bleak. I'd just been dumped over the phone. By my fiancé."
She snaps back to 2013. "Anyway. I've just been in the rehearsal. It's already very moving, and Miranda was only in a tracksuit. Imagine what that's going to be like when she's in formal slacks."She snaps back to 2013. "Anyway. I've just been in the rehearsal. It's already very moving, and Miranda was only in a tracksuit. Imagine what that's going to be like when she's in formal slacks."
Outside, the normal guests, the real-life friends of the actual marrying couple are having a fag in the corner. Everybody involved in this production would say that the wedding party was the priority; indeed, in order of priorities, it would go Happy Couple, Causes of Comic Relief, then a huge gap, then Convenience of Production team, Comfort of Stars.Outside, the normal guests, the real-life friends of the actual marrying couple are having a fag in the corner. Everybody involved in this production would say that the wedding party was the priority; indeed, in order of priorities, it would go Happy Couple, Causes of Comic Relief, then a huge gap, then Convenience of Production team, Comfort of Stars.
In fact, though, there's something distinctive and unarguable about the haste and purpose of television people – you would no more interrupt their flow than you would get in the way of surgeons on a battlefield, and the bridesmaids seem sweet and cowed, as if worried that they'll be told off for smoking while Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders arrive.In fact, though, there's something distinctive and unarguable about the haste and purpose of television people – you would no more interrupt their flow than you would get in the way of surgeons on a battlefield, and the bridesmaids seem sweet and cowed, as if worried that they'll be told off for smoking while Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders arrive.
And they have arrived, dressed as pantomime dames. They are so professional, they even smile in synchrony. Turn to the left, smile; turn to the right, smile. "Right, that's enough," says French, sweeping in.And they have arrived, dressed as pantomime dames. They are so professional, they even smile in synchrony. Turn to the left, smile; turn to the right, smile. "Right, that's enough," says French, sweeping in.
The older of us in the crowd experience an intense whooshing sound as the Comic Reliefs of yore come rushing back. The time Dawn French snogged Hugh Grant … no, wait, that was only four years ago. The days when French and Saunders dictated the comic timbre and, in many ways, it was very similar – there was still a huge emphasis on self-parody.The older of us in the crowd experience an intense whooshing sound as the Comic Reliefs of yore come rushing back. The time Dawn French snogged Hugh Grant … no, wait, that was only four years ago. The days when French and Saunders dictated the comic timbre and, in many ways, it was very similar – there was still a huge emphasis on self-parody.
Female comedy in this country has always been "look how stunningly ridiculous I am" – but in other ways, it was quite different, more political but at the same time more surreal. And there never seemed to be so much emphasis on cake in the old days. I don't remember the schools element being quite so entirely cake.Female comedy in this country has always been "look how stunningly ridiculous I am" – but in other ways, it was quite different, more political but at the same time more surreal. And there never seemed to be so much emphasis on cake in the old days. I don't remember the schools element being quite so entirely cake.
It's very easy to be wrong about Red Nose Day, especially if you predict anything less than record-breaking success. You can carry on questioning it, of course. That's our national way. But if your question includes the phrase "economic conditions", or "national doldrums" or "Is it just me, or is the 'comical' agenda often used as an excuse for getting people to sponsor activities that are actually quite lame and not very testing?"… well, then you will find that you have asked the wrong question.It's very easy to be wrong about Red Nose Day, especially if you predict anything less than record-breaking success. You can carry on questioning it, of course. That's our national way. But if your question includes the phrase "economic conditions", or "national doldrums" or "Is it just me, or is the 'comical' agenda often used as an excuse for getting people to sponsor activities that are actually quite lame and not very testing?"… well, then you will find that you have asked the wrong question.
Or, to put that another way, this is the BEST IDEA EVER.Or, to put that another way, this is the BEST IDEA EVER.
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