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Version 0 Version 1
Press regulation: let's come up with something completely unworkable Press regulation: let's come up with something completely unworkable
(6 months later)
Cameron: Don't you two realise that the whole point of Leveson was to make a big song and dance about press reform and then do nothing?Cameron: Don't you two realise that the whole point of Leveson was to make a big song and dance about press reform and then do nothing?
Milidee: Of course I do, but I can't resist a popular bandwagon and we still owe the hacks a kicking for exposing our expenses fiddles.Milidee: Of course I do, but I can't resist a popular bandwagon and we still owe the hacks a kicking for exposing our expenses fiddles.
Cameron: What about you, Cleggster?Cameron: What about you, Cleggster?
Clegg: Hugh Grant said he would be my best friend ...Clegg: Hugh Grant said he would be my best friend ...
Milidee: No! He said that to me, too ...Milidee: No! He said that to me, too ...
Cameron: OK, OK ... I can see I'm going to have to compromise here ...Cameron: OK, OK ... I can see I'm going to have to compromise here ...
Rupert Murdoch: You'll regret this ...Rupert Murdoch: You'll regret this ...
Cameron: So let's cobble together some sort of badly-thought-out deal that will probably never work ...Cameron: So let's cobble together some sort of badly-thought-out deal that will probably never work ...
Milidee: Those are just the kind of deals I'm good at ...Milidee: Those are just the kind of deals I'm good at ...
Cameron: Great. So I'm off to bed now. I'll leave you in the incompetent hands of Letwin.Cameron: Great. So I'm off to bed now. I'll leave you in the incompetent hands of Letwin.
Harriet Harman: We have reached an historic agreement ...Harriet Harman: We have reached an historic agreement ...
Maria Miller: No we haven't ...Maria Miller: No we haven't ...
Milidee: In which all three parties have cocked up so badly that it will take years to sort everything out ...Milidee: In which all three parties have cocked up so badly that it will take years to sort everything out ...
Miller: Oh, all right then, we have ...Miller: Oh, all right then, we have ...
Cameron: It is a deal for a "Desperation Nation".Cameron: It is a deal for a "Desperation Nation".
Craig Oliver: It's Aspiration Nation, you idiot ...Craig Oliver: It's Aspiration Nation, you idiot ...
Osborne: And I have a budget for a Disintegration Nation ...Osborne: And I have a budget for a Disintegration Nation ...
Everyone: Hold on! Can't we have someone who knows what they're doing running the economy ...Everyone: Hold on! Can't we have someone who knows what they're doing running the economy ...
Osborne: It's OK, I promise. I've cribbed this from Michael Heseltine ...Osborne: It's OK, I promise. I've cribbed this from Michael Heseltine ...
Everyone: And that's supposed to be reassuring?Everyone: And that's supposed to be reassuring?
Osborne: He's marginally less clueless than me ...Osborne: He's marginally less clueless than me ...
Everyone: If you say so ... Get on with it then.Everyone: If you say so ... Get on with it then.
Osborne: Growth is stagnant. The deficit is still rising. The government is hopelessly in debt. So it is with great pleasure that I can say to the Honourable Members that the economy is completely on track ...Osborne: Growth is stagnant. The deficit is still rising. The government is hopelessly in debt. So it is with great pleasure that I can say to the Honourable Members that the economy is completely on track ...
Cameron: Hear, hear ...Cameron: Hear, hear ...
Osborne: For those who have asked "What is the Discrimination Nation?", it is this. Tax breaks for the middle classes and the lower orders who might vote Tory. And Elimination Nation for the out-of-work and foreigners.Osborne: For those who have asked "What is the Discrimination Nation?", it is this. Tax breaks for the middle classes and the lower orders who might vote Tory. And Elimination Nation for the out-of-work and foreigners.
Cameron: Hear, hear.Cameron: Hear, hear.
Osborne: And as for Stagnation Nation? I give you a brand new property bubble underpinned by government money.Osborne: And as for Stagnation Nation? I give you a brand new property bubble underpinned by government money.
Everyone: Buggeration Nation.Everyone: Buggeration Nation.
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