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At-home mothers should stay out of childcare debate At-home mothers should stay out of childcare debate
(6 months later)
A delightful young barrister, Laura Perrins, and her barrister husband have a baby girl, Annabelle, followed by a boy, Matthew. Laura decides she would prefer to leave work rather than use childcare, and becomes a stay-at-home parent. We would never have known about this excellent arrangement, of course, if the coalition government had not tainted the young family's happiness by offering new childcare subsidies to working parents who need to pay for childcare. Perhaps even more unhappy were the section of working parents who currently claim vouchers, who realised that these subsidies would leave them frighteningly worse off. Even given this government's speciality of helping the already rich, the childcare proposals are strikingly unfair, extending the new tax breaks to couples earning up to £300,000, at the same that time that they penalise parents who have already lost child benefit. But it was Laura, the martyr of East Dulwich, whom traditionalists appointed chief victim of the changes: the poster girl for affluent, stay-at-home mothers.A delightful young barrister, Laura Perrins, and her barrister husband have a baby girl, Annabelle, followed by a boy, Matthew. Laura decides she would prefer to leave work rather than use childcare, and becomes a stay-at-home parent. We would never have known about this excellent arrangement, of course, if the coalition government had not tainted the young family's happiness by offering new childcare subsidies to working parents who need to pay for childcare. Perhaps even more unhappy were the section of working parents who currently claim vouchers, who realised that these subsidies would leave them frighteningly worse off. Even given this government's speciality of helping the already rich, the childcare proposals are strikingly unfair, extending the new tax breaks to couples earning up to £300,000, at the same that time that they penalise parents who have already lost child benefit. But it was Laura, the martyr of East Dulwich, whom traditionalists appointed chief victim of the changes: the poster girl for affluent, stay-at-home mothers.
Until the arrival of Mrs Perrins, the campaign to depict the government's astonishingly ill-thought-out childcare subsidies for working parents as primarily an "insult" or "slur" on an entirely different set of people – one that includes the childless and dog owners as well as stay-at-home parents – had been presented, of necessity, by working journalists. An early Daily Mail counter-attack, "The scientific proof that forcing mothers out to work harms children", proclaiming their need for motherly joy and love, was written by Bel Mooney, the agony aunt, columnist and broadcaster. If emotion words, such as joy and anger, are diminishing in English novels, according to a new study, they continue to be essential in Daily Mail articles designed to set women on women.Until the arrival of Mrs Perrins, the campaign to depict the government's astonishingly ill-thought-out childcare subsidies for working parents as primarily an "insult" or "slur" on an entirely different set of people – one that includes the childless and dog owners as well as stay-at-home parents – had been presented, of necessity, by working journalists. An early Daily Mail counter-attack, "The scientific proof that forcing mothers out to work harms children", proclaiming their need for motherly joy and love, was written by Bel Mooney, the agony aunt, columnist and broadcaster. If emotion words, such as joy and anger, are diminishing in English novels, according to a new study, they continue to be essential in Daily Mail articles designed to set women on women.
Duly enraged, Mrs Perrins telephoned Mr Clegg's radio phone-in. Why, she wanted to know, would she and Mr Perrins not be getting any of the childcare cash? "I'm just wondering," she began, "why the coalition is discriminating against mothers like me, who care for their children at home." She was doing, she said, a "difficult job".Duly enraged, Mrs Perrins telephoned Mr Clegg's radio phone-in. Why, she wanted to know, would she and Mr Perrins not be getting any of the childcare cash? "I'm just wondering," she began, "why the coalition is discriminating against mothers like me, who care for their children at home." She was doing, she said, a "difficult job".
Perhaps Mr Clegg should not do radio phone-ins. Although, in fairness, his fellow presenter, a professional, seemed equally incurious about what the Perrinses wanted their missing £2,400 childcare money for, since they would not be spending it on childcare. A labradoodle? Garden furniture? Unusual cheeses? Can we expect any receipts? Do the couple feel similarly covetous of those allowable HMRC expenses, such as plant and tools, or membership of a professional body, which are also insultingly denied to stay-at-home mothers? But Clegg's immediate response to Mrs Perrins's demand that his government subsidise the lifestyle of high-rate taxpayers was: "I, like everybody, massively admire your choice and you should be entirely free and proud of the choices you make in your own life."Perhaps Mr Clegg should not do radio phone-ins. Although, in fairness, his fellow presenter, a professional, seemed equally incurious about what the Perrinses wanted their missing £2,400 childcare money for, since they would not be spending it on childcare. A labradoodle? Garden furniture? Unusual cheeses? Can we expect any receipts? Do the couple feel similarly covetous of those allowable HMRC expenses, such as plant and tools, or membership of a professional body, which are also insultingly denied to stay-at-home mothers? But Clegg's immediate response to Mrs Perrins's demand that his government subsidise the lifestyle of high-rate taxpayers was: "I, like everybody, massively admire your choice and you should be entirely free and proud of the choices you make in your own life."
Leaving for another day the question of admiration, since only a barrister can really know how much pain is incurred when legal drudgery is sacrificed for the cut and thrust of baby pilates, it was Mr Clegg's shared belief, with Laura Perrins, that "choice" is involved in the average working parents' lives that was most unworthy. Thousands more mothers would look after their small children if they could afford it. Equally, thousands of others would go out to work, if only they could find the childcare. And the unemployment and divorce figures suggest that even those privileged parents, like Mrs Perrins, for whom living the postwar dream actually is a choice, might want to think quite hard before making themselves wholly economically dependent on another person, who may one day tire of providing – although perhaps that is where government help for stay-at-homers comes in?Leaving for another day the question of admiration, since only a barrister can really know how much pain is incurred when legal drudgery is sacrificed for the cut and thrust of baby pilates, it was Mr Clegg's shared belief, with Laura Perrins, that "choice" is involved in the average working parents' lives that was most unworthy. Thousands more mothers would look after their small children if they could afford it. Equally, thousands of others would go out to work, if only they could find the childcare. And the unemployment and divorce figures suggest that even those privileged parents, like Mrs Perrins, for whom living the postwar dream actually is a choice, might want to think quite hard before making themselves wholly economically dependent on another person, who may one day tire of providing – although perhaps that is where government help for stay-at-homers comes in?
As entertaining as their engagements are to watch – one thinks of Cherie Blair v all working mothers – the animosity between stay-at-home and working parents seems, mercifully, to be waning. Thanks to reforms in maternity leave and flexible working, along with the increase in two-income families, the differences are now more blurred, so much so that sometimes you can't even spot the difference. And not only because the sharp suits in which harassed-looking models used to pose with babies and bottles are no longer on trend. Many of us have now had the chance to be condescended to by colleagues with wholly devolved childcare, as well as guilt-tripped by career mothers who call paid carers "strangers" and consider a good mother's full-time devotions essential until GCSEs or beyond, by which time a needy dog may have also been recruited to the arguments for domestic presenteeism. Calls for peace and reconciliation between the two camps predominate over battle cries, albeit most of them seem to come from home-based journalists who are lucky enough to balance column production with the creation of witty World Book Day costumes.As entertaining as their engagements are to watch – one thinks of Cherie Blair v all working mothers – the animosity between stay-at-home and working parents seems, mercifully, to be waning. Thanks to reforms in maternity leave and flexible working, along with the increase in two-income families, the differences are now more blurred, so much so that sometimes you can't even spot the difference. And not only because the sharp suits in which harassed-looking models used to pose with babies and bottles are no longer on trend. Many of us have now had the chance to be condescended to by colleagues with wholly devolved childcare, as well as guilt-tripped by career mothers who call paid carers "strangers" and consider a good mother's full-time devotions essential until GCSEs or beyond, by which time a needy dog may have also been recruited to the arguments for domestic presenteeism. Calls for peace and reconciliation between the two camps predominate over battle cries, albeit most of them seem to come from home-based journalists who are lucky enough to balance column production with the creation of witty World Book Day costumes.
It can never further harmony, however, that anyone who has done a stint of full-time childcaring, on a reasonable income, will know exactly what a privileged SAH mother means by "a difficult job" – in a home equipped with labour-saving devices – once a biddable child is over three. Some savage new posts on parenting websites show how easy it is to ignite the usually latent hostility between working mothers who wish, whatever their views on the sexual politics, that they had that kind of time to spend with their children, and stay-at-homers, who wish they had some respect.It can never further harmony, however, that anyone who has done a stint of full-time childcaring, on a reasonable income, will know exactly what a privileged SAH mother means by "a difficult job" – in a home equipped with labour-saving devices – once a biddable child is over three. Some savage new posts on parenting websites show how easy it is to ignite the usually latent hostility between working mothers who wish, whatever their views on the sexual politics, that they had that kind of time to spend with their children, and stay-at-homers, who wish they had some respect.
In response to the great government robbery, Mrs Perrins has apparently signed up to a body called Mothers at Home Matter, whose mission is "to promote understanding of the child's need for a mother at home". And its point is? So long as SAH campaigners (ignoring studies on working mothers that find a neutral effect on children) believe that the only good mother is an omnipresent one, we can never entirely get along.In response to the great government robbery, Mrs Perrins has apparently signed up to a body called Mothers at Home Matter, whose mission is "to promote understanding of the child's need for a mother at home". And its point is? So long as SAH campaigners (ignoring studies on working mothers that find a neutral effect on children) believe that the only good mother is an omnipresent one, we can never entirely get along.
A bigger problem for Mothers at Home Matter is promulgating its cause in a country where so few girls grow up to be senior politicians, yet in which, thanks to the curse of aspiration, even the leaders' wives flagrantly ignore "the child's need for a mother at home". How to get more people fighting for the right to invisibility? For government help in retiring permanently from the job market? Maybe a petition or a women's delegation could work, but fronted by public figures such as Oliver James and Paul Dacre, thus ensuring that no playdates are damaged in the process.A bigger problem for Mothers at Home Matter is promulgating its cause in a country where so few girls grow up to be senior politicians, yet in which, thanks to the curse of aspiration, even the leaders' wives flagrantly ignore "the child's need for a mother at home". How to get more people fighting for the right to invisibility? For government help in retiring permanently from the job market? Maybe a petition or a women's delegation could work, but fronted by public figures such as Oliver James and Paul Dacre, thus ensuring that no playdates are damaged in the process.
But although last week's reporting suggested that a huge number of stay-at-home mothers are "betrayed" by the government's snub to the 1950s family, the ratio of working to SAH mothers means the great majority of working parents will be more preoccupied with its continued failure to help ordinary families pay for some of the most costly childcare in Europe. You don't have to be against the minority of SAHMBY (stay-at-home mothers by choice) to consider their involvement in this debate a complete, and sometimes mischievous, distraction.But although last week's reporting suggested that a huge number of stay-at-home mothers are "betrayed" by the government's snub to the 1950s family, the ratio of working to SAH mothers means the great majority of working parents will be more preoccupied with its continued failure to help ordinary families pay for some of the most costly childcare in Europe. You don't have to be against the minority of SAHMBY (stay-at-home mothers by choice) to consider their involvement in this debate a complete, and sometimes mischievous, distraction.
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