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The rules The rules
(5 months later)
Optimistic worldviewOptimistic worldview
British society is suspicious of the optimist and with good reason. Optimism expresses one of three things: lack of experience of how consistently grim the world really is; dim-wittedness sufficient not to notice; or religious fervour that grants immunity from demoralisation. None of these is cool.British society is suspicious of the optimist and with good reason. Optimism expresses one of three things: lack of experience of how consistently grim the world really is; dim-wittedness sufficient not to notice; or religious fervour that grants immunity from demoralisation. None of these is cool.
On top of that, looking to the future with a sunny disposition reeks of New World enthusiasm – it wears a Californian rictus. That makes optimism the geopolitical parvenu of world views and therefore inherently vulgar.On top of that, looking to the future with a sunny disposition reeks of New World enthusiasm – it wears a Californian rictus. That makes optimism the geopolitical parvenu of world views and therefore inherently vulgar.
Economic data must never be grounds for optimism. If it is revealed that the economy has grown, the correct response is to point out by how little and to highlight the probability of downward revisions in the future. When anyone talks about a "true picture" of anything emerging, it should be assumed that the truth is worse than currently pictured.Economic data must never be grounds for optimism. If it is revealed that the economy has grown, the correct response is to point out by how little and to highlight the probability of downward revisions in the future. When anyone talks about a "true picture" of anything emerging, it should be assumed that the truth is worse than currently pictured.
In politics, it is fashionable sometimes to declare oneself an optimist. This is because campaign experts say voters want leaders who will guide them to "sunlit uplands". Since no one knows where these are, the offer is actually cynical and the belief that it might work implies a view of the electorate as desperate and credulous. In other words, even self-styled political optimists are secretly pessimistic about democracy and human nature.In politics, it is fashionable sometimes to declare oneself an optimist. This is because campaign experts say voters want leaders who will guide them to "sunlit uplands". Since no one knows where these are, the offer is actually cynical and the belief that it might work implies a view of the electorate as desperate and credulous. In other words, even self-styled political optimists are secretly pessimistic about democracy and human nature.
Tax avoidanceTax avoidance
The rule is that everyone must pay their taxes unless they are very rich, in which case they need only pay their accountant. There is a vast area of dense and barely navigable tax law where corporations hide their obligations to the Treasury. It covers the area of a medium-size European country and is called the Amazon Basin.The rule is that everyone must pay their taxes unless they are very rich, in which case they need only pay their accountant. There is a vast area of dense and barely navigable tax law where corporations hide their obligations to the Treasury. It covers the area of a medium-size European country and is called the Amazon Basin.
Award nominationsAward nominations
A reminder, in the week the Turner prize shortlist was announced, of the correct attitude to awards. They are meaningless baubles valued only by the ignorant, unless you are nominated, in which case they are harmless fun never to be taken seriously, unless you win, in which case they are the very pinnacle of professional accomplishment.A reminder, in the week the Turner prize shortlist was announced, of the correct attitude to awards. They are meaningless baubles valued only by the ignorant, unless you are nominated, in which case they are harmless fun never to be taken seriously, unless you win, in which case they are the very pinnacle of professional accomplishment.
Free speechFree speech
A clarification on the matter of censorship in the context of ongoing debate about the Leveson report: the official shape of oppression is the wedge. At the thick end is a jackbooted government storm trooper herding writers who dare speak truth to power into cattle trucks bound for the gulag. At the thin end is anything that journalists don't like. Another way to get to the gulag is by sliding down the slippery slope. The top of the slippery slope can be located beneath the feet of people who claim to value press freedom but still want newspapers to be regulated. The hierarchy of forces that writers most fear is as follows: government censors; meddlesome proprietors; sub-editors. Not always in that order.A clarification on the matter of censorship in the context of ongoing debate about the Leveson report: the official shape of oppression is the wedge. At the thick end is a jackbooted government storm trooper herding writers who dare speak truth to power into cattle trucks bound for the gulag. At the thin end is anything that journalists don't like. Another way to get to the gulag is by sliding down the slippery slope. The top of the slippery slope can be located beneath the feet of people who claim to value press freedom but still want newspapers to be regulated. The hierarchy of forces that writers most fear is as follows: government censors; meddlesome proprietors; sub-editors. Not always in that order.
Freedom of speech is inviolable. This should not be confused with provisions contained in the European Convention on Human Rights, which may be dismissed as crazy favours for terrorists and paedophiles demanded by foreign judges. The difference is that press freedom is an ancient, indigenous British right while other human rights are newfangled and European.Freedom of speech is inviolable. This should not be confused with provisions contained in the European Convention on Human Rights, which may be dismissed as crazy favours for terrorists and paedophiles demanded by foreign judges. The difference is that press freedom is an ancient, indigenous British right while other human rights are newfangled and European.
For the purposes of this discussion, it is necessary to pretend that Britain is not a European country. The convention is upheld by the European Court of Human Rights, which is not an institution of the EU. That technicality must be kept obscure at all times.For the purposes of this discussion, it is necessary to pretend that Britain is not a European country. The convention is upheld by the European Court of Human Rights, which is not an institution of the EU. That technicality must be kept obscure at all times.
Hubristic behaviourHubristic behaviour
On being arrested for disorderly conduct, actress Reese Witherspoon was reported last week to have asked police officers: "Do you know my name?" This is an unorthodox variant of the preferred impulse of the affronted celebrity: "Do you know who I am?" Some people carry fame so potent it dissolves all authority. Logically, it follows that anyone asking that question has just discovered they are not one of those people. The only situation in which it is acceptable to ask: "Do you know who I am?" is when making sincere inquiries about yourself in the event of severe memory loss.On being arrested for disorderly conduct, actress Reese Witherspoon was reported last week to have asked police officers: "Do you know my name?" This is an unorthodox variant of the preferred impulse of the affronted celebrity: "Do you know who I am?" Some people carry fame so potent it dissolves all authority. Logically, it follows that anyone asking that question has just discovered they are not one of those people. The only situation in which it is acceptable to ask: "Do you know who I am?" is when making sincere inquiries about yourself in the event of severe memory loss.
Biting in sportBiting in sport
Fine as long as the sport is competitive eating.Fine as long as the sport is competitive eating.
Rafael BehrRafael Behr
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