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In the wake of Ukip's success, Cameron meets that nice Mr Farage in the pub In the wake of Ukip's success, Cameron meets that nice Mr Farage in the pub
(5 months later)
Cameron: Well, the local elections could hardly have gone any worse.Cameron: Well, the local elections could hardly have gone any worse.
Clegg: Don't you believe it. The Lib Dems were just about wiped out.Clegg: Don't you believe it. The Lib Dems were just about wiped out.
Cameron: But no one cares about you lot any more.Cameron: But no one cares about you lot any more.
Farage: Anyone fancy a pint?Farage: Anyone fancy a pint?
Cameron: Please allow me to buy you two, Mr Farago.Cameron: Please allow me to buy you two, Mr Farago.
Farage: Don't mind if you do, squire!Farage: Don't mind if you do, squire!
Cameron: When I gave the impression I agreed with Ken Clarke that Ukip were a load of buffoons, what I was really saying was that you are a leader of huge intelligence in charge of a party that is in touch with the key issues of the day.Cameron: When I gave the impression I agreed with Ken Clarke that Ukip were a load of buffoons, what I was really saying was that you are a leader of huge intelligence in charge of a party that is in touch with the key issues of the day.
Farage: Too right, old boy. I've done a lot of talking to the man in the pub and I can tell you exactly what he wants.Farage: Too right, old boy. I've done a lot of talking to the man in the pub and I can tell you exactly what he wants.
Cameron: What's that?Cameron: What's that?
Farage: To be allowed to smoke as many fags as possible in public without some Brussels Johnny locking him up in chokey.Farage: To be allowed to smoke as many fags as possible in public without some Brussels Johnny locking him up in chokey.
Cameron: That's extraordinarily perceptive of you, Mr Farago. I will immediately drop my anti-smoking legislation from the Queen's speech.Cameron: That's extraordinarily perceptive of you, Mr Farago. I will immediately drop my anti-smoking legislation from the Queen's speech.
Farage: That's a bloody good start.Farage: That's a bloody good start.
Cameron: Any thoughts on the economy?Cameron: Any thoughts on the economy?
Farage: Your man Osborne is a complete fool.Farage: Your man Osborne is a complete fool.
Cameron: I know that already. Anything else?Cameron: I know that already. Anything else?
Farage: Thing about the economy, David, is that it's bloody, bloody difficult to manage and you don't want to let any old idiot in charge of it. Which is why I've decided it's far better to have no economic policy whatsoever. Or any other policy, except leaving the EU.Farage: Thing about the economy, David, is that it's bloody, bloody difficult to manage and you don't want to let any old idiot in charge of it. Which is why I've decided it's far better to have no economic policy whatsoever. Or any other policy, except leaving the EU.
Cameron: So what do you suggest?Cameron: So what do you suggest?
Farage: Simple. If you and Osborne bugger off and the Tory party lurches even further to the right, then I'll pack it all in and stay in the pub.Farage: Simple. If you and Osborne bugger off and the Tory party lurches even further to the right, then I'll pack it all in and stay in the pub.
Nigel Lawson: That's a very good idea. I like the sound of your first name. What we need is a party with enough sense and decency to deny climate change.Nigel Lawson: That's a very good idea. I like the sound of your first name. What we need is a party with enough sense and decency to deny climate change.
Everyone: There, there Nigel. Back to beddies for you.Everyone: There, there Nigel. Back to beddies for you.
Lawson: But I'm important. I matter. I really do …Lawson: But I'm important. I matter. I really do …
Everyone: Where were we?Everyone: Where were we?
Cameron: My government is about to announce a huge programme of economic and welfare reforms in the Queens' speech that aims to lift one child out of four into poverty.Cameron: My government is about to announce a huge programme of economic and welfare reforms in the Queens' speech that aims to lift one child out of four into poverty.
Everyone: Do you mean out of poverty?Everyone: Do you mean out of poverty?
Cameron: No. I've checked with the IFS. It's definitely into poverty.Cameron: No. I've checked with the IFS. It's definitely into poverty.
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