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At the state opening of parliament, the bling remains the same At the state opening of parliament, the bling remains the same
(5 months later)
The state opening seems a little more ludicrous every year. On Wednesday the Queen, who looked frail and unsteady leaving the coach, was wearing more bling than a dozen rappers; she looked like a disco ball, hundreds of jewels reflecting hundreds of lights, the ultimate high-vis jacket. In the gallery two women were in fascinators. Fascinators, worn by young women in eight-inch heels at Ascot! The blitz of glitz doesn't conceal the falling standards.The state opening seems a little more ludicrous every year. On Wednesday the Queen, who looked frail and unsteady leaving the coach, was wearing more bling than a dozen rappers; she looked like a disco ball, hundreds of jewels reflecting hundreds of lights, the ultimate high-vis jacket. In the gallery two women were in fascinators. Fascinators, worn by young women in eight-inch heels at Ascot! The blitz of glitz doesn't conceal the falling standards.
The supreme court justices sat behind the regular judges, all of whom wore wigs. But the Supremes are too posh for wigs. Instead they have gold embroidered cloths on their backs, like antimacassars on a Middle Eastern airline.The supreme court justices sat behind the regular judges, all of whom wore wigs. But the Supremes are too posh for wigs. Instead they have gold embroidered cloths on their backs, like antimacassars on a Middle Eastern airline.
We had a strong sense of changing times. There was Prince Charles sitting next to the Queen, ready for temporary use, like the car they lend you when yours is being repaired: a sort of courtesy heir. On his right was Camilla, paying her first visit to this occasion. Presumably she's used to seeing people decked in their finery. She might have thought it was the peers' dress-down Wednesday.We had a strong sense of changing times. There was Prince Charles sitting next to the Queen, ready for temporary use, like the car they lend you when yours is being repaired: a sort of courtesy heir. On his right was Camilla, paying her first visit to this occasion. Presumably she's used to seeing people decked in their finery. She might have thought it was the peers' dress-down Wednesday.
For Her Maj it must be the most boring 20 minutes of the year. She has to sit waiting for the Commons to turn up, then mouth a speech that sounds as if it were written by a very outdated computer, an Amstrad perhaps. She sat expressionless, possibly thinking that a flight to Sri Lanka would be pleasanter, and would seem to go by rather quicker.For Her Maj it must be the most boring 20 minutes of the year. She has to sit waiting for the Commons to turn up, then mouth a speech that sounds as if it were written by a very outdated computer, an Amstrad perhaps. She sat expressionless, possibly thinking that a flight to Sri Lanka would be pleasanter, and would seem to go by rather quicker.
Then she has to read out this nonsense. It's printed on vellum, or dressed goatskin, and according to the BBC, the ink takes three days to dry. It would have been more apt to scrawl it on a Post-it note. The Commons calls it the "most gracious speech". Least gracious would be more apt. Almost every line reflects the law of the ridiculous reverse, which states that if the opposite of a statement is plainly absurd, it was not worth making in the first place.Then she has to read out this nonsense. It's printed on vellum, or dressed goatskin, and according to the BBC, the ink takes three days to dry. It would have been more apt to scrawl it on a Post-it note. The Commons calls it the "most gracious speech". Least gracious would be more apt. Almost every line reflects the law of the ridiculous reverse, which states that if the opposite of a statement is plainly absurd, it was not worth making in the first place.
"An economy where people who work hard are properly rewarded", or in the least gracious alternative, "an economy crafted to benefit lazy skivers who would rather watch Jeremy Kyle than turn an honest hand"."An economy where people who work hard are properly rewarded", or in the least gracious alternative, "an economy crafted to benefit lazy skivers who would rather watch Jeremy Kyle than turn an honest hand".
"Reduce the burden of excessive regulation" or "tie up business with yet more red tape"."Reduce the burden of excessive regulation" or "tie up business with yet more red tape".
"A fairer society that rewards people who work hard" or alternatively "an unjust society that rewards bent bankers and speculators". Oh, hold on, that's what we've got. So perhaps there really is a policy change there."A fairer society that rewards people who work hard" or alternatively "an unjust society that rewards bent bankers and speculators". Oh, hold on, that's what we've got. So perhaps there really is a policy change there.
At one point she mentioned "the problem of matching internet protocol addresses," not familiar ground, which is perhaps why she pronounced it "protto-col" rather than "pro-toe-kol". That is a bit odd, since her life is devoted to protocol. It's as if Sir Alex Ferguson struggled with the word "football".At one point she mentioned "the problem of matching internet protocol addresses," not familiar ground, which is perhaps why she pronounced it "protto-col" rather than "pro-toe-kol". That is a bit odd, since her life is devoted to protocol. It's as if Sir Alex Ferguson struggled with the word "football".
Later, in the chamber, Miliband and Cameron, who had been chatting amicably on their way to the upper house, were abusing each other. Miliband's abuse was, perhaps, slightly sharper: "They used to call [Ukip] 'clowns'; now they want to join the circus … every day he is dealing with the problems of [his backbenchers] he is neglecting the problems of the country."Later, in the chamber, Miliband and Cameron, who had been chatting amicably on their way to the upper house, were abusing each other. Miliband's abuse was, perhaps, slightly sharper: "They used to call [Ukip] 'clowns'; now they want to join the circus … every day he is dealing with the problems of [his backbenchers] he is neglecting the problems of the country."
Cameron said that Miliband would not stand up to anyone because he was too weak. "He is the living embodiment of the dictum, 'the weak are a long time in politics!'"Cameron said that Miliband would not stand up to anyone because he was too weak. "He is the living embodiment of the dictum, 'the weak are a long time in politics!'"
By this time, thank goodness, the Queen had long gone home and, we hope, was wearing something comfy.By this time, thank goodness, the Queen had long gone home and, we hope, was wearing something comfy.
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