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We need to talk to children about porn We need to talk to children about porn
(4 months later)
Porn is now so easily accessible online, and so prevalent, that it is understandable that parents, teachers and policymakers are worried. What we aren't teaching about sex and relationships (at home or school) is brought into sharp focus when we think about what young people might be learning from porn.Porn is now so easily accessible online, and so prevalent, that it is understandable that parents, teachers and policymakers are worried. What we aren't teaching about sex and relationships (at home or school) is brought into sharp focus when we think about what young people might be learning from porn.
But what do we actually know about what young people are seeing, at what age? What can we say about what impact it is having? And how should we, the adults who care about them, respond?But what do we actually know about what young people are seeing, at what age? What can we say about what impact it is having? And how should we, the adults who care about them, respond?
Today's report from the children's commissioner for England highlights just how complicated the picture is. Its headline finding is that there is a link between porn and the attitudes and values of young people who see it: "Pornography has been linked to unrealistic attitudes about sex; maladaptive attitudes about relationships; more sexually permissive attitudes; greater acceptance of casual sex; beliefs that women are sex objects; more frequent thoughts about sex; sexual uncertainty (eg the extent to which children and young people are unclear about their sexual beliefs and values); and less progressive gender role attitudes (eg male dominance and female submission)."Today's report from the children's commissioner for England highlights just how complicated the picture is. Its headline finding is that there is a link between porn and the attitudes and values of young people who see it: "Pornography has been linked to unrealistic attitudes about sex; maladaptive attitudes about relationships; more sexually permissive attitudes; greater acceptance of casual sex; beliefs that women are sex objects; more frequent thoughts about sex; sexual uncertainty (eg the extent to which children and young people are unclear about their sexual beliefs and values); and less progressive gender role attitudes (eg male dominance and female submission)."
Another recent literature review by Ofcom, this time peer-reviewed, suggests the variance of these effects are tiny. In other words, where a study does find an effect – seeing porn leads to more permissive behaviour, say – the difference in behaviour between those who see porn and those who don't is very small.Another recent literature review by Ofcom, this time peer-reviewed, suggests the variance of these effects are tiny. In other words, where a study does find an effect – seeing porn leads to more permissive behaviour, say – the difference in behaviour between those who see porn and those who don't is very small.
Also we do not know whether porn has a causal effect. It may have caused a change in attitude, or young people may already have these attitudes, which makes them more interested in porn, or it could be a bit of both – or even something else entirely that hasn't been tested. Sue Berlowitz, the deputy children's commissioner, refers to an association with porn when young sex offenders referred to their actions, but this doesn't prove a causal link.Also we do not know whether porn has a causal effect. It may have caused a change in attitude, or young people may already have these attitudes, which makes them more interested in porn, or it could be a bit of both – or even something else entirely that hasn't been tested. Sue Berlowitz, the deputy children's commissioner, refers to an association with porn when young sex offenders referred to their actions, but this doesn't prove a causal link.
The report also highlights that children and young people are critical and literate viewers of porn, applying the faculties they develop from consuming other media. Young people report being able to look after themselves and know what to do if they see something they don't like.The report also highlights that children and young people are critical and literate viewers of porn, applying the faculties they develop from consuming other media. Young people report being able to look after themselves and know what to do if they see something they don't like.
Not all use of porn is for sexual arousal either. Some young people are exposed to porn without their consent (pop-ups, blind links); some go looking for it but become exposed to something "harder" than they were expecting; some look because they find something funny or shocking; some to rebel; some to learn; and some to be sexually aroused. Young people are more likely to be interested in porn when they start to get interested in sex – and most young teenagers aren't interested yet.Not all use of porn is for sexual arousal either. Some young people are exposed to porn without their consent (pop-ups, blind links); some go looking for it but become exposed to something "harder" than they were expecting; some look because they find something funny or shocking; some to rebel; some to learn; and some to be sexually aroused. Young people are more likely to be interested in porn when they start to get interested in sex – and most young teenagers aren't interested yet.
The EU Kids Online report by the London School of Economics found that just 11% of 9- to 16-year-olds in the UK had viewed sexual images online in the previous 12 months. Just 2% had seen something that showed sex in a violent way. Of the 11%, 24% (3% of all 9- to 16-year-olds using the internet in the UK) were upset by what they had seen. Older teens were more likely to have seen a sexual image than younger teens. The youngest were the least likely to see a sexual image but more likely to be upset by it (typically their response was to close the image down and tell a parent or friend). Young people in the UK are actually more likely to see sexual images on TV than on the internet.The EU Kids Online report by the London School of Economics found that just 11% of 9- to 16-year-olds in the UK had viewed sexual images online in the previous 12 months. Just 2% had seen something that showed sex in a violent way. Of the 11%, 24% (3% of all 9- to 16-year-olds using the internet in the UK) were upset by what they had seen. Older teens were more likely to have seen a sexual image than younger teens. The youngest were the least likely to see a sexual image but more likely to be upset by it (typically their response was to close the image down and tell a parent or friend). Young people in the UK are actually more likely to see sexual images on TV than on the internet.
From this confused picture, we can say a few things with some confidence: most young people aren't exposed to porn frequently, most aren't bothered about it, we can't demonstrate that porn causes an effect, and young people are critical and literate when they use it. So what's the problem?From this confused picture, we can say a few things with some confidence: most young people aren't exposed to porn frequently, most aren't bothered about it, we can't demonstrate that porn causes an effect, and young people are critical and literate when they use it. So what's the problem?
While the "dangers" of porn are overstated by many, these studies should be a wake-up call. We must accept that the traditional "don't get pregnant", "wait till you're older" style of sex education doesn't cut it any more (in my view it never has). Schools and parents must talk about porn when they talk to young people about sex and relationships. This should not alarm people: it is really just another way of doing work on gender, sexuality, body image, safety, sexual norms, consent, arousal, desire, pleasure, power, lust, love and relationships – we should be talking about all this anyway.While the "dangers" of porn are overstated by many, these studies should be a wake-up call. We must accept that the traditional "don't get pregnant", "wait till you're older" style of sex education doesn't cut it any more (in my view it never has). Schools and parents must talk about porn when they talk to young people about sex and relationships. This should not alarm people: it is really just another way of doing work on gender, sexuality, body image, safety, sexual norms, consent, arousal, desire, pleasure, power, lust, love and relationships – we should be talking about all this anyway.
It is made easier if you remember it's not about you. What the young person is seeing is not the same as what you see they are seeing. Listen more than talk. Talking may help adults feel better but it doesn't give young people the space they need. Kids should know they can tell someone if they are upset or confused.It is made easier if you remember it's not about you. What the young person is seeing is not the same as what you see they are seeing. Listen more than talk. Talking may help adults feel better but it doesn't give young people the space they need. Kids should know they can tell someone if they are upset or confused.
And adults should be active in children's use of the internet, asking questions about what they are looking at, being interested – young people actually welcome this (though avoid looking at porn with someone under 18 as this may be considered unlawful). Filtering out sexual content may work (and should ensure young children don't see anything upsetting), but it's not a panacea and offers a false sense of security.And adults should be active in children's use of the internet, asking questions about what they are looking at, being interested – young people actually welcome this (though avoid looking at porn with someone under 18 as this may be considered unlawful). Filtering out sexual content may work (and should ensure young children don't see anything upsetting), but it's not a panacea and offers a false sense of security.
The best response when educating young people about sex is to be calm, measured and factual. It's very hard to do this when we hear about the "dangers" of porn and the seeming inevitability of young people seeing it, and being harmed by it.The best response when educating young people about sex is to be calm, measured and factual. It's very hard to do this when we hear about the "dangers" of porn and the seeming inevitability of young people seeing it, and being harmed by it.
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