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It should always be father's day It should always be father's day
(4 months later)
To the lexicon of man-bags and mankinis, the Centre for Social Justice has added "man deserts". Giving warning of family homes throughout Britain devoid of present and engaged fathers, it talks of a "national emergency", seeing a million children growing up without positive male role models. Many have disputed the Centre's figures and criticised its alarmist language, but at least the right is engaged in this issue. When did a left-leaning thinktank last publish a report about fathers?To the lexicon of man-bags and mankinis, the Centre for Social Justice has added "man deserts". Giving warning of family homes throughout Britain devoid of present and engaged fathers, it talks of a "national emergency", seeing a million children growing up without positive male role models. Many have disputed the Centre's figures and criticised its alarmist language, but at least the right is engaged in this issue. When did a left-leaning thinktank last publish a report about fathers?
I know that fathers matter. My father walked out on my mother and her five children when I was 12. I never saw him again. I have always felt that hole in my life – and I am not alone. By the age of 16, nearly 3 million children in Britain no longer live with their dads and a million others never see theirs.I know that fathers matter. My father walked out on my mother and her five children when I was 12. I never saw him again. I have always felt that hole in my life – and I am not alone. By the age of 16, nearly 3 million children in Britain no longer live with their dads and a million others never see theirs.
Absent fatherhood isn't all about fecklessness though – the overwhelming majority of dads want to be involved. Last year, I met Warren at a young fathers' group in a Brixton church. Typical of many young, poor dads, he can find no job and no house. He is left without any money to spend on his children and no place to see them in even if he had. Even dads who are better off than Warren, and are still with their partners, struggle to be there for their children. British fathers work the longest hours in Europe and statistics tell us that more than half have missed a significant event in their children's lives in the past year because of their jobs. Paternity leave is paid at a measly £136 a week – £100 less than a full-time job on minimum wage – and the government's recent shared parental leave is so complicated and filled with loopholes that it is expected that only 4% of dads will take it up.Absent fatherhood isn't all about fecklessness though – the overwhelming majority of dads want to be involved. Last year, I met Warren at a young fathers' group in a Brixton church. Typical of many young, poor dads, he can find no job and no house. He is left without any money to spend on his children and no place to see them in even if he had. Even dads who are better off than Warren, and are still with their partners, struggle to be there for their children. British fathers work the longest hours in Europe and statistics tell us that more than half have missed a significant event in their children's lives in the past year because of their jobs. Paternity leave is paid at a measly £136 a week – £100 less than a full-time job on minimum wage – and the government's recent shared parental leave is so complicated and filled with loopholes that it is expected that only 4% of dads will take it up.
This is unacceptable – and not only for fathers; 82% of working dads want to spend more time with their children and half of British mums say that, though they are actually the main carer for their children, they do not think that they should be. This anger has built up because Britain combines a 21st-century economy with 19th-century social policy.This is unacceptable – and not only for fathers; 82% of working dads want to spend more time with their children and half of British mums say that, though they are actually the main carer for their children, they do not think that they should be. This anger has built up because Britain combines a 21st-century economy with 19th-century social policy.
Today, women are working longer hours but social policy hasn't caught up, and still assumes that families will have one carer (generally the mum) and one earner (generally the dad). The burdens on women have increased but they are still expected to provide the majority of childcare. My mum had no choice but to take on three jobs because she had been abandoned. Today, many women who want to share childcare with their partners are being pushed into staying at home by our archaic social policy.Today, women are working longer hours but social policy hasn't caught up, and still assumes that families will have one carer (generally the mum) and one earner (generally the dad). The burdens on women have increased but they are still expected to provide the majority of childcare. My mum had no choice but to take on three jobs because she had been abandoned. Today, many women who want to share childcare with their partners are being pushed into staying at home by our archaic social policy.
Family policy is not a zero-sum game: any gain for dads need not come at the expense of mums. Dads are not a risk to be managed, but a resource to be used for the benefit of the whole family. Sadly, the Labour party has yet to make these arguments unambiguously.Family policy is not a zero-sum game: any gain for dads need not come at the expense of mums. Dads are not a risk to be managed, but a resource to be used for the benefit of the whole family. Sadly, the Labour party has yet to make these arguments unambiguously.
The key public services that families rely on struggle to recruit men in significant numbers. Four out of five primary schools have fewer than three male teachers and even fewer men are active and present in children's centres. This feeds through to the father's experience of these services. Social workers often don't even record a father's name on individual care plans. GPs and schools will often only write correspondence on the child's development to the mother. Life is made difficult for mothers who want their partners to be fully involved.The key public services that families rely on struggle to recruit men in significant numbers. Four out of five primary schools have fewer than three male teachers and even fewer men are active and present in children's centres. This feeds through to the father's experience of these services. Social workers often don't even record a father's name on individual care plans. GPs and schools will often only write correspondence on the child's development to the mother. Life is made difficult for mothers who want their partners to be fully involved.
And life is even more difficult for mums whose partners do not want to be involved – the government now wants to charge them for chasing the fathers of their children. Because we expect too little from dads who don't want to be there and are too hard on dads who do, mothers lose out either way.And life is even more difficult for mums whose partners do not want to be involved – the government now wants to charge them for chasing the fathers of their children. Because we expect too little from dads who don't want to be there and are too hard on dads who do, mothers lose out either way.
A tacit conspiracy builds up on both political extremes that is entirely to the detriment of women. The instinct of many commentators on the right can be to berate mothers who happen not to live with the fathers of their children, even though many will do so because they have been widowed or abandoned. Yet the commentators on the extremes of the liberal left who insist mothers do not need anything more than financial assistance from their partners are just as damaging. All the evidence shows that active dads are good for children. Children, particularly boys, who grow up without fathers are more likely than their peers to be involved in crime, heavy drinking and drug use; have low educational attainment; suffer low self-esteem and anger issues; and, ultimately, become poor parents themselves. Active dads make a positive contribution: they are good for children and they are good for mothers.A tacit conspiracy builds up on both political extremes that is entirely to the detriment of women. The instinct of many commentators on the right can be to berate mothers who happen not to live with the fathers of their children, even though many will do so because they have been widowed or abandoned. Yet the commentators on the extremes of the liberal left who insist mothers do not need anything more than financial assistance from their partners are just as damaging. All the evidence shows that active dads are good for children. Children, particularly boys, who grow up without fathers are more likely than their peers to be involved in crime, heavy drinking and drug use; have low educational attainment; suffer low self-esteem and anger issues; and, ultimately, become poor parents themselves. Active dads make a positive contribution: they are good for children and they are good for mothers.
Ed Miliband should pledge to make Britain the most father-friendly nation in the world. It is not good enough for us to cede these conversations to those who demonise single mums and deadbeat dads but have nothing to say ourselves.Ed Miliband should pledge to make Britain the most father-friendly nation in the world. It is not good enough for us to cede these conversations to those who demonise single mums and deadbeat dads but have nothing to say ourselves.
We need a family policy that is fit for the 21st century and we need a language of love and respect with which to frame it. Without this, it won't just be the Labour party that loses out – it will be the next generation of children who grow up without a father figure in their lives.We need a family policy that is fit for the 21st century and we need a language of love and respect with which to frame it. Without this, it won't just be the Labour party that loses out – it will be the next generation of children who grow up without a father figure in their lives.
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