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Michael White's sketch: Lords outsmarted by wily press barons Michael White's sketch: Lords outsmarted by wily press barons
(3 months later)
Judging by the way he has harried Fleet Street's bully boys for decades, Clive Soley, the Labour MP-turned-peer, must have led a blameless life. Has he never jumped a traffic light, borrowed an office paperclip or kissed a secretary under the Christmas mistletoe? Or is it simply that he hasn't noticed that public figures who align themselves with Lord Justice Leveson's stalled report on press accountability may end up sleeping with the fishes?Judging by the way he has harried Fleet Street's bully boys for decades, Clive Soley, the Labour MP-turned-peer, must have led a blameless life. Has he never jumped a traffic light, borrowed an office paperclip or kissed a secretary under the Christmas mistletoe? Or is it simply that he hasn't noticed that public figures who align themselves with Lord Justice Leveson's stalled report on press accountability may end up sleeping with the fishes?
Hugh Grant is routinely done over as a serial love rat. So are assorted lawyers accused of suppressing evidence that their own trade is an even bigger customer for phone-hacking gumshoes.Hugh Grant is routinely done over as a serial love rat. So are assorted lawyers accused of suppressing evidence that their own trade is an even bigger customer for phone-hacking gumshoes.
As for those Leveson lawyers who went on holiday to Santorini to discuss whether or not to start an affair somewhere more romantic (Wallsend?), their actions speak for themselves. The Daily Beast is poised to reveal that Lord L himself has a string of offshore bank accounts to hide his part-time earnings from drugs and prostitution (I made that last bit up).As for those Leveson lawyers who went on holiday to Santorini to discuss whether or not to start an affair somewhere more romantic (Wallsend?), their actions speak for themselves. The Daily Beast is poised to reveal that Lord L himself has a string of offshore bank accounts to hide his part-time earnings from drugs and prostitution (I made that last bit up).
Evidently Soley has missed all this. Yesterday he was harrying away again, joined by a clutch of saintly peers who would be impervious to the blandishments of undercover reporters offering them consultancy fees.Evidently Soley has missed all this. Yesterday he was harrying away again, joined by a clutch of saintly peers who would be impervious to the blandishments of undercover reporters offering them consultancy fees.
What about David Cameron's meetings with Murdoch, Rothermere, Dave and Fred Barclay and their minions? Why can we not be told what they actually discussed, asked Kamikaze Soley? Why the four-month delay in implementing the press royal charter that peers and MPs had agreed, interjected Lord Norman Fowler, himself an ex-scribbler? Is the press "so powerful that it can defy the will of parliament?"What about David Cameron's meetings with Murdoch, Rothermere, Dave and Fred Barclay and their minions? Why can we not be told what they actually discussed, asked Kamikaze Soley? Why the four-month delay in implementing the press royal charter that peers and MPs had agreed, interjected Lord Norman Fowler, himself an ex-scribbler? Is the press "so powerful that it can defy the will of parliament?"
At this point there were faint but audible sounds of "Hear, hear" as peers reached for their blood pressure pills. The Liberal Democrat minister, Lord William Wallace, the mug deputed to answer in the noble equivalent of Tahrir Square, rabbited away about the delicacy of the situation and the need to seek agreement, given the "deep mistrust" between press and politicians.At this point there were faint but audible sounds of "Hear, hear" as peers reached for their blood pressure pills. The Liberal Democrat minister, Lord William Wallace, the mug deputed to answer in the noble equivalent of Tahrir Square, rabbited away about the delicacy of the situation and the need to seek agreement, given the "deep mistrust" between press and politicians.
Lord Wallace, a wholesome academic foreign policy buff who has never attended even a small orgy, giggled uneasily, distancing himself as best he could from his script.Lord Wallace, a wholesome academic foreign policy buff who has never attended even a small orgy, giggled uneasily, distancing himself as best he could from his script.
In doing so, he managed to drop a bombshell, news to peers if to no one else. PressBof, Fleet Street's secretive rival to the secretive Hacked Off campaign, had managed to submit its own draft royal charter to the privy council before the government's version. The privy council can discuss only one royal charter at a time, explained Wallace, who invited Lord Fowler to consider that PressBof "has been very clever".In doing so, he managed to drop a bombshell, news to peers if to no one else. PressBof, Fleet Street's secretive rival to the secretive Hacked Off campaign, had managed to submit its own draft royal charter to the privy council before the government's version. The privy council can discuss only one royal charter at a time, explained Wallace, who invited Lord Fowler to consider that PressBof "has been very clever".
Everyone was amazed, even Lord Mickey Forsyth, who served under Margaret Thatcher when she was fixing things for Rupert. How on earth can the government be second in the queue," he asked. Incredible, ludicrous, spluttered Labour's Lord Ivor Richard. Lord Wallace assured them all that the strength of feeling would be noted, as it will be – not least in Fleet Street.Everyone was amazed, even Lord Mickey Forsyth, who served under Margaret Thatcher when she was fixing things for Rupert. How on earth can the government be second in the queue," he asked. Incredible, ludicrous, spluttered Labour's Lord Ivor Richard. Lord Wallace assured them all that the strength of feeling would be noted, as it will be – not least in Fleet Street.
Despite the outrage, no one seemed inclined to drill down on this one or do a spot of fracking under Fleet Street. Is it normal for parliament to take steps to curb burglars, roadhogs, those in receipt of Asbos (Lord Soley was once a probation officer), but then open negotiations with gangs or the RAC? Were the Krays or Richardsons ever invited to submit their own ideas for tackling protection rackets and enforcement by torture? Was Jimmy Savile consulted over child protection? (Actually, he probably was).Despite the outrage, no one seemed inclined to drill down on this one or do a spot of fracking under Fleet Street. Is it normal for parliament to take steps to curb burglars, roadhogs, those in receipt of Asbos (Lord Soley was once a probation officer), but then open negotiations with gangs or the RAC? Were the Krays or Richardsons ever invited to submit their own ideas for tackling protection rackets and enforcement by torture? Was Jimmy Savile consulted over child protection? (Actually, he probably was).
And where might the crafty operators running PressBof have stumbled on their cunning plan to submit Fleet Street's draft charter before No 10 got its act together? PressBof's chairman is Guy Black, the Telegraph's comms chief and, in his spare time, a Toryish peer himself. Gosh! So is his frontman, Lord David Hunt, a Tory ex-cabinet minister. It does not bear thinking about, and peers decided not to think about it. You never know what the lads might find in their dustbins.And where might the crafty operators running PressBof have stumbled on their cunning plan to submit Fleet Street's draft charter before No 10 got its act together? PressBof's chairman is Guy Black, the Telegraph's comms chief and, in his spare time, a Toryish peer himself. Gosh! So is his frontman, Lord David Hunt, a Tory ex-cabinet minister. It does not bear thinking about, and peers decided not to think about it. You never know what the lads might find in their dustbins.
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