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We would so vote for the president of Kazakhstan – if they had democracy We would so vote for the president of Kazakhstan – if they had democracy
(3 months later)
Well when Dave said he was going to Kazakwhatever & would I go, I was like, WTF, you do realise what weekend that is, but by the time Mumford came on I was like, you were right, it is way better to go to Kazakthing and be all about winning the global race for jobs and investment etc than to be at home but not going to Glasto *waah face*. Actually we could totally get tickets, I mean even Vaizey was there FFS, going look at me chillin' at the Vaccines *voms*, but Mr Cobber said over his dead body would we get within 20 miles of Billy Bragg plus anyway he had some tray important meeting with a Kazakhite camel herder about tobacco matters, so basically the entire world except us was at Arcadia as in literally Benedict Cumberbatch in actual flipflops *swoons* plus this year everyone was rocking these like incredible native American head-dresses so you did not even have to take dry shampoo & Mr Eavis said the loos were the best loos in the whole of history plus totes natural, and now I have missed them forever :(((Well when Dave said he was going to Kazakwhatever & would I go, I was like, WTF, you do realise what weekend that is, but by the time Mumford came on I was like, you were right, it is way better to go to Kazakthing and be all about winning the global race for jobs and investment etc than to be at home but not going to Glasto *waah face*. Actually we could totally get tickets, I mean even Vaizey was there FFS, going look at me chillin' at the Vaccines *voms*, but Mr Cobber said over his dead body would we get within 20 miles of Billy Bragg plus anyway he had some tray important meeting with a Kazakhite camel herder about tobacco matters, so basically the entire world except us was at Arcadia as in literally Benedict Cumberbatch in actual flipflops *swoons* plus this year everyone was rocking these like incredible native American head-dresses so you did not even have to take dry shampoo & Mr Eavis said the loos were the best loos in the whole of history plus totes natural, and now I have missed them forever :(((
So while I am crying along to Little Lion Man on TV Dave is texting going OMG we have to book in for next year, Kazakland is seriously the best FOMO cure EVER? I'm like no WAY, he's like honestly, God knows why Barack & Michelle thought they had to go all the way to South Africa, you could not even mention Glasto in Kazakia because President Thingsky has banned yurts, also banjos, waistcoats and yokel-impersonation, the Mumfords would be placed under observation in psychiatric units? I'm like, harsh, much, but apparently that is totes normal for abroad and underneath Dave says President Nebuchadnezzar is like this completely sweet little person with impeccable manners? Eg he was like, I would totally vote for you Dave, you're welcome, and Dave said how lovely & he would totally vote for him back, except they do not have actual democracy, obvs, because the fierce Kazakians prefer a strong but loving father of his people to a decadent coalition so if eg Cleggsy blocked a perfectly progressive law to buy married couples' votes he would be instantly executed #sowrongit'sright #winningtheglobalraceforjobs&investment.So while I am crying along to Little Lion Man on TV Dave is texting going OMG we have to book in for next year, Kazakland is seriously the best FOMO cure EVER? I'm like no WAY, he's like honestly, God knows why Barack & Michelle thought they had to go all the way to South Africa, you could not even mention Glasto in Kazakia because President Thingsky has banned yurts, also banjos, waistcoats and yokel-impersonation, the Mumfords would be placed under observation in psychiatric units? I'm like, harsh, much, but apparently that is totes normal for abroad and underneath Dave says President Nebuchadnezzar is like this completely sweet little person with impeccable manners? Eg he was like, I would totally vote for you Dave, you're welcome, and Dave said how lovely & he would totally vote for him back, except they do not have actual democracy, obvs, because the fierce Kazakians prefer a strong but loving father of his people to a decadent coalition so if eg Cleggsy blocked a perfectly progressive law to buy married couples' votes he would be instantly executed #sowrongit'sright #winningtheglobalraceforjobs&investment.
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