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Osborne's genius finally bears fruit and Cameron jets off to Kazakhstan | Osborne's genius finally bears fruit and Cameron jets off to Kazakhstan |
(3 months later) | |
Osborne: I'm walking on sunshine. Ohh, yeah ... | Osborne: I'm walking on sunshine. Ohh, yeah ... |
Cameron: Wassup, Jeff? You off to Glasto to see the Stones? | Cameron: Wassup, Jeff? You off to Glasto to see the Stones? |
Osborne: Stop calling me Jeff. And it's something far better than Glasto ... | Osborne: Stop calling me Jeff. And it's something far better than Glasto ... |
Cameron: Springsteen at the Olympic Park? | Cameron: Springsteen at the Olympic Park? |
Osborne: What are you on, Dave? It's the Office for National Statistics. There was no double-dip recession ... | Osborne: What are you on, Dave? It's the Office for National Statistics. There was no double-dip recession ... |
Cameron: So? | Cameron: So? |
Osborne: I'm officially no longer a total failure. It turns out I had a cunning plan after all ... | Osborne: I'm officially no longer a total failure. It turns out I had a cunning plan after all ... |
Cameron: That's amazing! So all that stuff about how the economy would remain stagnant and no one under 25 would ever have a decent job turned out to be a load of crap after all ... Let's get out and spread the word. How about telling the little people they've never had it so good. | Cameron: That's amazing! So all that stuff about how the economy would remain stagnant and no one under 25 would ever have a decent job turned out to be a load of crap after all ... Let's get out and spread the word. How about telling the little people they've never had it so good. |
Osborne: That might be a little unwise. Probably best if I re-announce a spending commitment we made six months ago as if it was a new one. | Osborne: That might be a little unwise. Probably best if I re-announce a spending commitment we made six months ago as if it was a new one. |
Cameron: That's the plan. I'll leave you to it. I'm off to Kazakhstan. | Cameron: That's the plan. I'll leave you to it. I'm off to Kazakhstan. |
Hague: Where's that? | Hague: Where's that? |
Cameron: I'm not sure. But Prince Andrew and Tony Blair tell me it's a cracking place. | Cameron: I'm not sure. But Prince Andrew and Tony Blair tell me it's a cracking place. |
President Nazarbayev: I hope you haven't come to talk about my appalling human rights record ... | President Nazarbayev: I hope you haven't come to talk about my appalling human rights record ... |
Cameron: Absolutely not. I was rather hoping I might be able to flog you some equipment that will enable you to keep tabs on your people as well as GCHQ does on ours ... | Cameron: Absolutely not. I was rather hoping I might be able to flog you some equipment that will enable you to keep tabs on your people as well as GCHQ does on ours ... |
Nazarbayev: You are a wonderful world leader. I would vote for you if I could ... | Nazarbayev: You are a wonderful world leader. I would vote for you if I could ... |
Cameron: Could you just say that a little more softly? | Cameron: Could you just say that a little more softly? |
IPSA: MPs should get at least another £10K a year ... | IPSA: MPs should get at least another £10K a year ... |
Cameron: I think you should say that a little more softly, too. | Cameron: I think you should say that a little more softly, too. |
Keith Vaz: It's not for me to comment. Although life is tough now that I can't claim nearly £175K a year in expenses. | Keith Vaz: It's not for me to comment. Although life is tough now that I can't claim nearly £175K a year in expenses. |
Gordon Brown: Where is the House of Commons exactly? It's been so long since I was there ... | Gordon Brown: Where is the House of Commons exactly? It's been so long since I was there ... |
Cameron: It's time for the country to get together and rally round Laura Robson. Which is why I've just sent her a message of support ... | Cameron: It's time for the country to get together and rally round Laura Robson. Which is why I've just sent her a message of support ... |
Everyone: Thanks. You've just ensured she will lose. | Everyone: Thanks. You've just ensured she will lose. |
Cameron: In which case the country needs to unite behind Andy Murray ... Which is why I've just ... | Cameron: In which case the country needs to unite behind Andy Murray ... Which is why I've just ... |
Everyone. Don't do it. Just don't. | Everyone. Don't do it. Just don't. |
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