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Version 0 Version 1
Osborne's genius finally bears fruit and Cameron jets off to Kazakhstan Osborne's genius finally bears fruit and Cameron jets off to Kazakhstan
(3 months later)
Osborne: I'm walking on sunshine. Ohh, yeah ...Osborne: I'm walking on sunshine. Ohh, yeah ...
Cameron: Wassup, Jeff? You off to Glasto to see the Stones?Cameron: Wassup, Jeff? You off to Glasto to see the Stones?
Osborne: Stop calling me Jeff. And it's something far better than Glasto ...Osborne: Stop calling me Jeff. And it's something far better than Glasto ...
Cameron: Springsteen at the Olympic Park?Cameron: Springsteen at the Olympic Park?
Osborne: What are you on, Dave? It's the Office for National Statistics. There was no double-dip recession ...Osborne: What are you on, Dave? It's the Office for National Statistics. There was no double-dip recession ...
Cameron: So?Cameron: So?
Osborne: I'm officially no longer a total failure. It turns out I had a cunning plan after all ...Osborne: I'm officially no longer a total failure. It turns out I had a cunning plan after all ...
Cameron: That's amazing! So all that stuff about how the economy would remain stagnant and no one under 25 would ever have a decent job turned out to be a load of crap after all ... Let's get out and spread the word. How about telling the little people they've never had it so good.Cameron: That's amazing! So all that stuff about how the economy would remain stagnant and no one under 25 would ever have a decent job turned out to be a load of crap after all ... Let's get out and spread the word. How about telling the little people they've never had it so good.
Osborne: That might be a little unwise. Probably best if I re-announce a spending commitment we made six months ago as if it was a new one.Osborne: That might be a little unwise. Probably best if I re-announce a spending commitment we made six months ago as if it was a new one.
Cameron: That's the plan. I'll leave you to it. I'm off to Kazakhstan.Cameron: That's the plan. I'll leave you to it. I'm off to Kazakhstan.
Hague: Where's that?Hague: Where's that?
Cameron: I'm not sure. But Prince Andrew and Tony Blair tell me it's a cracking place.Cameron: I'm not sure. But Prince Andrew and Tony Blair tell me it's a cracking place.
President Nazarbayev: I hope you haven't come to talk about my appalling human rights record ...President Nazarbayev: I hope you haven't come to talk about my appalling human rights record ...
Cameron: Absolutely not. I was rather hoping I might be able to flog you some equipment that will enable you to keep tabs on your people as well as GCHQ does on ours ...Cameron: Absolutely not. I was rather hoping I might be able to flog you some equipment that will enable you to keep tabs on your people as well as GCHQ does on ours ...
Nazarbayev: You are a wonderful world leader. I would vote for you if I could ...Nazarbayev: You are a wonderful world leader. I would vote for you if I could ...
Cameron: Could you just say that a little more softly?Cameron: Could you just say that a little more softly?
IPSA: MPs should get at least another £10K a year ...IPSA: MPs should get at least another £10K a year ...
Cameron: I think you should say that a little more softly, too.Cameron: I think you should say that a little more softly, too.
Keith Vaz: It's not for me to comment. Although life is tough now that I can't claim nearly £175K a year in expenses.Keith Vaz: It's not for me to comment. Although life is tough now that I can't claim nearly £175K a year in expenses.
Gordon Brown: Where is the House of Commons exactly? It's been so long since I was there ...Gordon Brown: Where is the House of Commons exactly? It's been so long since I was there ...
Cameron: It's time for the country to get together and rally round Laura Robson. Which is why I've just sent her a message of support ...Cameron: It's time for the country to get together and rally round Laura Robson. Which is why I've just sent her a message of support ...
Everyone: Thanks. You've just ensured she will lose.Everyone: Thanks. You've just ensured she will lose.
Cameron: In which case the country needs to unite behind Andy Murray ... Which is why I've just ...Cameron: In which case the country needs to unite behind Andy Murray ... Which is why I've just ...
Everyone. Don't do it. Just don't.Everyone. Don't do it. Just don't.
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