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A happy landing for the great clunking fist of Gordon Brown A happy landing for the great clunking fist of Gordon Brown
(2 months later)
• Like naturalists, we wait for sightings of the big beast Gordon Brown. Usually in vain, it must be said. But when he arrives to land that great clunking fist, it still has notable impact. Such a thing happened this week as Gord quizzed the MoD about its contamination of Dalgety Bay in Fife in the 1940s. Aircraft with instruments and equipment luminised with radium were scrapped there. Gordon has long been seeking to force the MoD to fund a clean-up. He set down two questions. Will the secretary of state "place in the library the paper written in September 1992 from his department to the committee on medical aspects of radiation in the environment which named the Dalgety Bay area as a site of contamination"? Sorry, came the reply. The MoD "has not been able to find any record of this paper". OK, said Gordon. What about "the letter from HM Industrial Pollution Directorate to Lord James Douglas Hamilton in 1990", full of more enlightening detail? Once again, the brush off. Once again no record. Which raised more questions in the mind of the former prime minister, because unlike the MoD, with its mighty bureaucracy, he had been able to turn up both incriminating documents in the Scottish Office. Either the MoD, with its mighty bureaucracy, really couldn't find them – which doesn't inspire confidence – or it didn't fancy making them public, equally worrying. Either way, Gordon has them on the ropes and the future's bleak. The bruisers' bruiser is in for the kill.• Like naturalists, we wait for sightings of the big beast Gordon Brown. Usually in vain, it must be said. But when he arrives to land that great clunking fist, it still has notable impact. Such a thing happened this week as Gord quizzed the MoD about its contamination of Dalgety Bay in Fife in the 1940s. Aircraft with instruments and equipment luminised with radium were scrapped there. Gordon has long been seeking to force the MoD to fund a clean-up. He set down two questions. Will the secretary of state "place in the library the paper written in September 1992 from his department to the committee on medical aspects of radiation in the environment which named the Dalgety Bay area as a site of contamination"? Sorry, came the reply. The MoD "has not been able to find any record of this paper". OK, said Gordon. What about "the letter from HM Industrial Pollution Directorate to Lord James Douglas Hamilton in 1990", full of more enlightening detail? Once again, the brush off. Once again no record. Which raised more questions in the mind of the former prime minister, because unlike the MoD, with its mighty bureaucracy, he had been able to turn up both incriminating documents in the Scottish Office. Either the MoD, with its mighty bureaucracy, really couldn't find them – which doesn't inspire confidence – or it didn't fancy making them public, equally worrying. Either way, Gordon has them on the ropes and the future's bleak. The bruisers' bruiser is in for the kill.
• How goes the love-in between Iain Duncan Smith and the Daily Mail? Bit sticky at the moment, according to the Mail's corrections column. "Articles on 4 and 30 April, based on information provided by Conservative central office, stated that 878,000 individuals claiming benefits intended for the genuinely sick 'stopped claiming rather than face a fresh medical'." But it was nonsense. "Other important reasons people had for not pursuing ESA claims were that they recovered, returned to work or claimed a more appropriate benefit." Sad when canoodlers fall out, but one guesses they'll stay together for the cutting of child benefit. When love dies there is pragmatism.• How goes the love-in between Iain Duncan Smith and the Daily Mail? Bit sticky at the moment, according to the Mail's corrections column. "Articles on 4 and 30 April, based on information provided by Conservative central office, stated that 878,000 individuals claiming benefits intended for the genuinely sick 'stopped claiming rather than face a fresh medical'." But it was nonsense. "Other important reasons people had for not pursuing ESA claims were that they recovered, returned to work or claimed a more appropriate benefit." Sad when canoodlers fall out, but one guesses they'll stay together for the cutting of child benefit. When love dies there is pragmatism.
• Lively events in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire – nesting place of the most famous political set since Cliveden. It's the home-town lair of Charlie and Rebekah, Dave and Sam; indeed, the PM has been sighted doing the weekly shop in the town centre. With Clarkson nearby and a smattering of Murdochs, it's that rarified place, a haven of power and refinement. But now things may be changing. For the newest addition to the conservation area is to be a kebab shop. Many didn't want it; but Oxfordshire district council have approved the application after a two-year battle. Donor, shish; a place to hang out. Nights with the beautiful people will never be the same.• Lively events in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire – nesting place of the most famous political set since Cliveden. It's the home-town lair of Charlie and Rebekah, Dave and Sam; indeed, the PM has been sighted doing the weekly shop in the town centre. With Clarkson nearby and a smattering of Murdochs, it's that rarified place, a haven of power and refinement. But now things may be changing. For the newest addition to the conservation area is to be a kebab shop. Many didn't want it; but Oxfordshire district council have approved the application after a two-year battle. Donor, shish; a place to hang out. Nights with the beautiful people will never be the same.
• They fear him here, they fear him there, the foreign corrs of the BBC fear John Simpson everywhere. And where will he turn up next? There really is no way of telling. The extent of the problem seems clear if one examines the BBC's terms of trade for the engagement of freelancers, clause 17.1, which specifies that the assignment of intellectual property rights should cover "all languages throughout the universe". Johannesburg, Damascus, Pluto. Wherever there's crisis, he'll be there.• They fear him here, they fear him there, the foreign corrs of the BBC fear John Simpson everywhere. And where will he turn up next? There really is no way of telling. The extent of the problem seems clear if one examines the BBC's terms of trade for the engagement of freelancers, clause 17.1, which specifies that the assignment of intellectual property rights should cover "all languages throughout the universe". Johannesburg, Damascus, Pluto. Wherever there's crisis, he'll be there.
• More reader-suggested torture euphemisms for the BBC, which shies away from describing waterboarding as such. For sleep deprivation, says tweeter David England, there is "advanced wakefulness". The iron maiden – the torso-mutilating device, not the all-conquering heavy metal band – is re-described by Robin Felton as the "whole body acupuncture experience". No fan of alternative medicine, we presume.• More reader-suggested torture euphemisms for the BBC, which shies away from describing waterboarding as such. For sleep deprivation, says tweeter David England, there is "advanced wakefulness". The iron maiden – the torso-mutilating device, not the all-conquering heavy metal band – is re-described by Robin Felton as the "whole body acupuncture experience". No fan of alternative medicine, we presume.
• Finally: roll up, roll up. A hot ticket for the weekend as the Socialist party of Great Britain holds its annual summer school in Birmingham. Gripping stuff, amid this crisis of capitalism. Get there early for the session, "What's in a word? Exploring what we mean by 'comrade'". Round off with, "'If we had but world enough, and time': relations with the dead". No one said it would make you happy, but in a way it will broaden the mind.• Finally: roll up, roll up. A hot ticket for the weekend as the Socialist party of Great Britain holds its annual summer school in Birmingham. Gripping stuff, amid this crisis of capitalism. Get there early for the session, "What's in a word? Exploring what we mean by 'comrade'". Round off with, "'If we had but world enough, and time': relations with the dead". No one said it would make you happy, but in a way it will broaden the mind.
Twitter: @hugh_muir Twitter: @hugh_muir
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