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My cohabiting generation has not fallen out of love with marriage just yet My cohabiting generation has not fallen out of love with marriage just yet
(2 months later)
By 2016 most babies will be born "out of wedlock", a phrase so archaic that you might as well just condense its sentiment into "by 2016, the UK will literally be crawling with bastard children".By 2016 most babies will be born "out of wedlock", a phrase so archaic that you might as well just condense its sentiment into "by 2016, the UK will literally be crawling with bastard children".
This coming apocalypse of the illegitimate has alarmed the former children's minister Tim Loughton, who explained this week how, without marriage, people "drift in and out of relationships very easily" – God forbid – hence the need for a marriage tax to encourage all the rampant fornicators to ball-and-chain themselves up, pronto.This coming apocalypse of the illegitimate has alarmed the former children's minister Tim Loughton, who explained this week how, without marriage, people "drift in and out of relationships very easily" – God forbid – hence the need for a marriage tax to encourage all the rampant fornicators to ball-and-chain themselves up, pronto.
With such soundbites it's no wonder that the younger generation are turning away from marriage. Notwithstanding the fact that a mere £150 extra a year is not enough of an incentive to convince anyone to expensively hotfoot it down the aisle – you sort of have to fancy the person a bit as well – marriage has also developed fusty connotations, as demonstrated by the backlash against Boris Johnson's remark that women go to university to "find men to marry".With such soundbites it's no wonder that the younger generation are turning away from marriage. Notwithstanding the fact that a mere £150 extra a year is not enough of an incentive to convince anyone to expensively hotfoot it down the aisle – you sort of have to fancy the person a bit as well – marriage has also developed fusty connotations, as demonstrated by the backlash against Boris Johnson's remark that women go to university to "find men to marry".
Of course there is a generational divide. Mine is one of the first generations to have grown up in a society where parents can divorce without stigma, and the natural consequence of that is that we no longer see marriage as this immutable thing, this pillar of respectability. As women begin to earn more, there is less of a need to rely on men for support and, despite the "feckless single mother" trope, many women are choosing to have children whether the father is present or not. The decline of marriage is a natural consequence of gender equality – while the first feminist victory was arguably the freedom to marry for love, one of the most recent has been the freedom not to get married at all. Also, we're all really, really skint.Of course there is a generational divide. Mine is one of the first generations to have grown up in a society where parents can divorce without stigma, and the natural consequence of that is that we no longer see marriage as this immutable thing, this pillar of respectability. As women begin to earn more, there is less of a need to rely on men for support and, despite the "feckless single mother" trope, many women are choosing to have children whether the father is present or not. The decline of marriage is a natural consequence of gender equality – while the first feminist victory was arguably the freedom to marry for love, one of the most recent has been the freedom not to get married at all. Also, we're all really, really skint.
And yet, from the looks of Pinterest's wedding boards, there are plenty still in thrall to the so-called Cinderella complex of matrimony. Sure, we are all cohabitors now, trendily living in sin and sauntering around flatshares naked from the waist down – except those 47% of households headed by a married couple, who, despite forecasters' best efforts, stubbornly persist.And yet, from the looks of Pinterest's wedding boards, there are plenty still in thrall to the so-called Cinderella complex of matrimony. Sure, we are all cohabitors now, trendily living in sin and sauntering around flatshares naked from the waist down – except those 47% of households headed by a married couple, who, despite forecasters' best efforts, stubbornly persist.
And so I cannot view marriage as "a minority cultural practice", as Laurie Penny described it this week. Certainly, Britons are falling out of love with marriage, but they haven't packed their bags just yet. And if we are to see weddings become a fringe activity, they might regain some cachet. We're already witnessing the dreaded hipster wedding, with its bunting and its teacups and its vintage paperback placecards.And so I cannot view marriage as "a minority cultural practice", as Laurie Penny described it this week. Certainly, Britons are falling out of love with marriage, but they haven't packed their bags just yet. And if we are to see weddings become a fringe activity, they might regain some cachet. We're already witnessing the dreaded hipster wedding, with its bunting and its teacups and its vintage paperback placecards.
Penny argues that there are many different kinds of love and that all are valid except, it would seem, heterosexual marriage, which, in an attempt at satirising the anti-gay marriage brigade, she describes as a "weird lifestyle choice", positing the hypothetical married couple's "floral arrangements and bathroom sets" against "our three-person dildos and car-park orgies". All of which raises the question: why can't marriage involve all that and more?Penny argues that there are many different kinds of love and that all are valid except, it would seem, heterosexual marriage, which, in an attempt at satirising the anti-gay marriage brigade, she describes as a "weird lifestyle choice", positing the hypothetical married couple's "floral arrangements and bathroom sets" against "our three-person dildos and car-park orgies". All of which raises the question: why can't marriage involve all that and more?
This sort of analysis (basically: marriage is "just so uncool, man") is the kind of self-regarding, I'm-so-liberated posturing that is alien to most people in this country, particularly working-class women, who tend to marry younger. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. The women who do, many of whom act like feminists whether they call themselves such or not, do not need this particular brand of hipster condescension, nor snobbery regarding the aspirational connotations of their bathroom accessories. The government may be right in that people will continue to get married for as long as there are legal benefits, but most of us know that marriage is about more than that. It's about loving someone so much that you want to build them a nest, preferably at a distance from any busy roads they might try to cross without looking both ways, and lie in it with them for ever.This sort of analysis (basically: marriage is "just so uncool, man") is the kind of self-regarding, I'm-so-liberated posturing that is alien to most people in this country, particularly working-class women, who tend to marry younger. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. The women who do, many of whom act like feminists whether they call themselves such or not, do not need this particular brand of hipster condescension, nor snobbery regarding the aspirational connotations of their bathroom accessories. The government may be right in that people will continue to get married for as long as there are legal benefits, but most of us know that marriage is about more than that. It's about loving someone so much that you want to build them a nest, preferably at a distance from any busy roads they might try to cross without looking both ways, and lie in it with them for ever.
Less romantically, it's also about being able to inherit that nest when they die. A civil partnership for heterosexual couples, such as the French Pacs, would allow for both these eventualities without any of the religious and patriarchal connotations marriage still holds. Skint cohabitors such as myself would jump at the chance. But we'll take the bathroom set too, ta very much. And the flowers. As for the orgies – we can't afford a car to park in.Less romantically, it's also about being able to inherit that nest when they die. A civil partnership for heterosexual couples, such as the French Pacs, would allow for both these eventualities without any of the religious and patriarchal connotations marriage still holds. Skint cohabitors such as myself would jump at the chance. But we'll take the bathroom set too, ta very much. And the flowers. As for the orgies – we can't afford a car to park in.
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