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Enjoy today, young prince. It's all downhill from here Enjoy today, young prince. It's all downhill from here
(2 months later)
In the Charles Addams cartoon, the ghoulish father outside the maternity ward looks up as the door opens. "Congratulations," says the nurse, "it's a baby." The world's media went beyond parody this week as they waited at the Lindo wing of St Mary's hospital in London. The globalised suspense seemed synthetic. What did they expect the woman to produce, a gorilla?In the Charles Addams cartoon, the ghoulish father outside the maternity ward looks up as the door opens. "Congratulations," says the nurse, "it's a baby." The world's media went beyond parody this week as they waited at the Lindo wing of St Mary's hospital in London. The globalised suspense seemed synthetic. What did they expect the woman to produce, a gorilla?
"The news is that there is no news," panted an American anchor to millions of viewers across the Atlantic. Germans were told: "With every contraction, Kate becomes a worker." A Beijing news agency hung on every word from the editor of Debrett's. Waterstones ran out of royal history books. Reporters were reduced to interviewing reporters, like rats eating each other on a doomed ship."The news is that there is no news," panted an American anchor to millions of viewers across the Atlantic. Germans were told: "With every contraction, Kate becomes a worker." A Beijing news agency hung on every word from the editor of Debrett's. Waterstones ran out of royal history books. Reporters were reduced to interviewing reporters, like rats eating each other on a doomed ship.
The media's job is to mediate reality. It is to say why the dead body in the road matters. Journalism has long struggled with the paradox that good news is unsurprising and therefore not news. Fifty planes landing safely at Heathrow is as boring as 50 celebrities sleeping soundly in their own beds.The media's job is to mediate reality. It is to say why the dead body in the road matters. Journalism has long struggled with the paradox that good news is unsurprising and therefore not news. Fifty planes landing safely at Heathrow is as boring as 50 celebrities sleeping soundly in their own beds.
The public craves bad news, especially gossip. If it is to absorb good news, it must be served hysterical. Thus every sporting victor is a "hero" and every minor actor a "megastar". The trivial must be accorded significance. The Olympics must be "worth billions" to Britain; a Murray triumph must mean freedom for Scotland.The public craves bad news, especially gossip. If it is to absorb good news, it must be served hysterical. Thus every sporting victor is a "hero" and every minor actor a "megastar". The trivial must be accorded significance. The Olympics must be "worth billions" to Britain; a Murray triumph must mean freedom for Scotland.
Celebrity is more appealing when elevated from the ordinary. Cinderella did wonders for shoe design long before Stalin snatched Stakhanov from his coal mine and made him a Soviet hero. TV's Big Brother and Pop Idol profited from putting banality on a pedestal of fame. Everyone's dream is hung upon a star. Interwar cinemas were built on the escapist cult of Rudolph Valentino, as suburban housewives ached to flee across the desert in the arms of a prince.Celebrity is more appealing when elevated from the ordinary. Cinderella did wonders for shoe design long before Stalin snatched Stakhanov from his coal mine and made him a Soviet hero. TV's Big Brother and Pop Idol profited from putting banality on a pedestal of fame. Everyone's dream is hung upon a star. Interwar cinemas were built on the escapist cult of Rudolph Valentino, as suburban housewives ached to flee across the desert in the arms of a prince.
The crowd outside the Lindo wing speaks partly to this eternal quest for happiness, but mostly it had to do with princes. The appeal appears universal. When Charles married Diana in 1981, I was in South Africa's Transvaal, in possibly the most republican spot on Earth. The wedding was of no significance to that ostracised country, and even the service was censored. Yet as the ceremony began there was not a car on the street. Even the police failed to show up for duty.The crowd outside the Lindo wing speaks partly to this eternal quest for happiness, but mostly it had to do with princes. The appeal appears universal. When Charles married Diana in 1981, I was in South Africa's Transvaal, in possibly the most republican spot on Earth. The wedding was of no significance to that ostracised country, and even the service was censored. Yet as the ceremony began there was not a car on the street. Even the police failed to show up for duty.
I asked an Afrikaner what was going on and he said simply: "It's everyone's dream of happiness." Republican countries have seemed, if anything, even keener on royal nativity than Britons. I found it hard to keep American friends off the subject, with much confusion over the meaning of words such as sovereign, subject and "long to reign over us".I asked an Afrikaner what was going on and he said simply: "It's everyone's dream of happiness." Republican countries have seemed, if anything, even keener on royal nativity than Britons. I found it hard to keep American friends off the subject, with much confusion over the meaning of words such as sovereign, subject and "long to reign over us".
When stripped of executive power, monarchy does not represent the state; it is the state anthropomorphised, the state in human form. The bloodline is thus the guarantor of national eternity. Blessed by the luck of inheritance, offspring must literally play to the cult of the individual, like Krishnamurti or the Dalai Lama.When stripped of executive power, monarchy does not represent the state; it is the state anthropomorphised, the state in human form. The bloodline is thus the guarantor of national eternity. Blessed by the luck of inheritance, offspring must literally play to the cult of the individual, like Krishnamurti or the Dalai Lama.
That is why the birth of infants has always heralded a new dawn, symbolising both continuity and renewal. Henry VIII was delirious with joy on the birth of a son, the hapless Edward VI. Virgil's Eclogues eulogised a consul's son, "by whom the iron age will end, and a golden race arise in the world … your cradle will bear delightful flowers; the serpent will die".That is why the birth of infants has always heralded a new dawn, symbolising both continuity and renewal. Henry VIII was delirious with joy on the birth of a son, the hapless Edward VI. Virgil's Eclogues eulogised a consul's son, "by whom the iron age will end, and a golden race arise in the world … your cradle will bear delightful flowers; the serpent will die".
Modern constitutional monarchy is state-sponsored continuity, of which inherited office is an integral part. For it to include state-sponsored happiness is a bonus. Gold-plated genes seem able to lift public joy out of the mundane. They give it ritual. The sheer intrusiveness of this week's exposure – the talk of labour pains, contractions, epidurals – entices millions of onlookers (at least female ones) into a frenzy of self-identification. TS Eliot was wrong. Humankind can stand an infinite amount of reality, provided it is posh.Modern constitutional monarchy is state-sponsored continuity, of which inherited office is an integral part. For it to include state-sponsored happiness is a bonus. Gold-plated genes seem able to lift public joy out of the mundane. They give it ritual. The sheer intrusiveness of this week's exposure – the talk of labour pains, contractions, epidurals – entices millions of onlookers (at least female ones) into a frenzy of self-identification. TS Eliot was wrong. Humankind can stand an infinite amount of reality, provided it is posh.
Personalised headship of state could mean no more than a cardboard cutout, to be propped up at state occasions. Most monarchies, as in Scandinavia, contrive to hold their monarchs back from too much public attention. Britain has rarely been like that. In the 1960s the house of Windsor deliberately took a more risky path. It chose to turn itself into a family business, a "firm", bringing its younger members into play and gambling that putting them in the public eye would help modernise, enhance and secure monarchy's position in the nation's affection.Personalised headship of state could mean no more than a cardboard cutout, to be propped up at state occasions. Most monarchies, as in Scandinavia, contrive to hold their monarchs back from too much public attention. Britain has rarely been like that. In the 1960s the house of Windsor deliberately took a more risky path. It chose to turn itself into a family business, a "firm", bringing its younger members into play and gambling that putting them in the public eye would help modernise, enhance and secure monarchy's position in the nation's affection.
Subsequent history suggests the gamble paid off. But it did so at a high price in personal anguish, heartache and indignity. No amount of gilding can strip inherited celebrity of danger. The good fairies who gather round the new prince's cradle this week have evil ones hovering on their shoulders. Even as the press hypocritically debates how the baby's privacy might be respected, its fingers shift the lens focus and itch over the Twitter feed; #labour is readying itself for a Niagara of gossip. Nothing can stop it.Subsequent history suggests the gamble paid off. But it did so at a high price in personal anguish, heartache and indignity. No amount of gilding can strip inherited celebrity of danger. The good fairies who gather round the new prince's cradle this week have evil ones hovering on their shoulders. Even as the press hypocritically debates how the baby's privacy might be respected, its fingers shift the lens focus and itch over the Twitter feed; #labour is readying itself for a Niagara of gossip. Nothing can stop it.
Short of going into exile, the third in line to the throne cannot expect to enjoy the slightest privacy. He will spend his life with a media drone hovering overhead, listening, prying, revealing, proclaiming a global "public interest" in intrusion. Who knows but today's celebrity may yet prove the prince's happiest – or at least most private – moment. But at least he has done his public duty by sharing that happiness with millions.Short of going into exile, the third in line to the throne cannot expect to enjoy the slightest privacy. He will spend his life with a media drone hovering overhead, listening, prying, revealing, proclaiming a global "public interest" in intrusion. Who knows but today's celebrity may yet prove the prince's happiest – or at least most private – moment. But at least he has done his public duty by sharing that happiness with millions.
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