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Simon Hoggart's week: by George, it's another blow for Clegg Simon Hoggart's week: by George, it's another blow for Clegg
(2 months later)
✒I have felt sorry for colleagues on other papers, who have been forced to fill hectares about the royal baby when there is almost nothing to say, apart from goose feather stuffing about how the parents will be loving, and will want him to spend as normal a life as it's possible for an heir to the throne.✒I have felt sorry for colleagues on other papers, who have been forced to fill hectares about the royal baby when there is almost nothing to say, apart from goose feather stuffing about how the parents will be loving, and will want him to spend as normal a life as it's possible for an heir to the throne.
And I haven't seen much evidence of royal baby mania, unless you count Madame Tussauds' red, white and blue floodlighting, which I don't.And I haven't seen much evidence of royal baby mania, unless you count Madame Tussauds' red, white and blue floodlighting, which I don't.
But I feel even sorrier for poor Nick Clegg. Back in 2010 he took the deputy premiership, a more or less meaningless job, purely in order to promote constitutional reform. And almost nothing has happened.But I feel even sorrier for poor Nick Clegg. Back in 2010 he took the deputy premiership, a more or less meaningless job, purely in order to promote constitutional reform. And almost nothing has happened.
The public rejected voting changes, and a century after the Liberals' great House of Lords reform, the Commons rejected his plans for the peers. It is a sad record of failure.The public rejected voting changes, and a century after the Liberals' great House of Lords reform, the Commons rejected his plans for the peers. It is a sad record of failure.
The "narrative", as we say these days, called for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's baby to be a girl, so as to make worthwhile all Clegg's recent hard work on a non-sexist monarchy (or "throne" as our nominal ruler might be called, as in "chair"). Now, though, even if Prince George's firstborn is a girl, it could be 80 or 90 years from now before she succeeds, assuming there is still a monarchy then. And like nearly all of us, Clegg will be long gone.The "narrative", as we say these days, called for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's baby to be a girl, so as to make worthwhile all Clegg's recent hard work on a non-sexist monarchy (or "throne" as our nominal ruler might be called, as in "chair"). Now, though, even if Prince George's firstborn is a girl, it could be 80 or 90 years from now before she succeeds, assuming there is still a monarchy then. And like nearly all of us, Clegg will be long gone.
✒I got on a new Boris bus the other day, the number 24, which runs in London between Pimlico and Hampstead Heath. It's a handsome hybrid vehicle (as it should be, at £354,000) but its most important feature is the open platform at the back, like the old Routemasters.✒I got on a new Boris bus the other day, the number 24, which runs in London between Pimlico and Hampstead Heath. It's a handsome hybrid vehicle (as it should be, at £354,000) but its most important feature is the open platform at the back, like the old Routemasters.
The notion is that in permanently jammed traffic we'll be free to get on or off if the bus is stopped, not just when the driver opens the doors. So the buses have conductors, once known as clippies, except that there are no tickets to clip. You just press your pass on an electronic reader.The notion is that in permanently jammed traffic we'll be free to get on or off if the bus is stopped, not just when the driver opens the doors. So the buses have conductors, once known as clippies, except that there are no tickets to clip. You just press your pass on an electronic reader.
So with a great sense of freedom, I decided to get off at a red light near my destination. The conductor was on to me at hyperspeed. "The bus is moving!" he said, though it wasn't. I got off anyway (they don't yet have powers of arrest) reflecting that it is typically British to have easy-come, easy-go buses, on which an employee is posted to stop you coming or going.So with a great sense of freedom, I decided to get off at a red light near my destination. The conductor was on to me at hyperspeed. "The bus is moving!" he said, though it wasn't. I got off anyway (they don't yet have powers of arrest) reflecting that it is typically British to have easy-come, easy-go buses, on which an employee is posted to stop you coming or going.
✒It's the 250-plus-page archive edition of the New Statesman for £9.95. There is some amazing material here: Orwell, HG Wells interviewing Stalin, JM Keynes, Bertrand Russell, EM Forster, JB Priestley, DH Lawrence, VS Pritchett, CP Snow, TS Eliot (so many initials then!). But my favourite nugget is in a 1933 profile of the early Adolf Hitler. The German vegetarian movement had its own newsletter, which ran the jubilant headline: "First Great Victory For German Vegetarians. Hitler Becomes Chancellor."✒It's the 250-plus-page archive edition of the New Statesman for £9.95. There is some amazing material here: Orwell, HG Wells interviewing Stalin, JM Keynes, Bertrand Russell, EM Forster, JB Priestley, DH Lawrence, VS Pritchett, CP Snow, TS Eliot (so many initials then!). But my favourite nugget is in a 1933 profile of the early Adolf Hitler. The German vegetarian movement had its own newsletter, which ran the jubilant headline: "First Great Victory For German Vegetarians. Hitler Becomes Chancellor."
✒A truly bad book review can be horrible and fascinating, like a motorway car crash. I chanced on one in the current Times Literary Supplement. It's Robert Irwin's review of Red Nile by Robert Twigger, and it is packed with corrections … yards of them. "Egypt did not have Turkish rule from 1032-6… calling Ibn al-Haythan 'Haythan' is a solecism like calling Macpherson 'Pherson' … Saladin was not born in Syria … the Kipchaks were not a Kazakh tribe … Qufuz (actually, 'Qutuz') was never a caliph but a sultan …" And so on, and on; that's just a sample of what Irwin calls "a wealth of misinformation". I felt sorry for the author, reading with mounting horror. "But I was right!" you hear him thinking. Or, "surely that's such a trivial error…" What is amazing, is that apart from this seemingly endless list of corrections, it's quite a favourable notice.✒A truly bad book review can be horrible and fascinating, like a motorway car crash. I chanced on one in the current Times Literary Supplement. It's Robert Irwin's review of Red Nile by Robert Twigger, and it is packed with corrections … yards of them. "Egypt did not have Turkish rule from 1032-6… calling Ibn al-Haythan 'Haythan' is a solecism like calling Macpherson 'Pherson' … Saladin was not born in Syria … the Kipchaks were not a Kazakh tribe … Qufuz (actually, 'Qutuz') was never a caliph but a sultan …" And so on, and on; that's just a sample of what Irwin calls "a wealth of misinformation". I felt sorry for the author, reading with mounting horror. "But I was right!" you hear him thinking. Or, "surely that's such a trivial error…" What is amazing, is that apart from this seemingly endless list of corrections, it's quite a favourable notice.
✒I asked you to send in examples of the great Peter Alliss as he joined the BBC commentators at the Open golf at Muirfield last weekend. And you responded lavishly. At a time when commentators are expected to guard their tongues as if they were locked into mini-chastity belts, it's delightful to have someone who says whatever pops into his head.✒I asked you to send in examples of the great Peter Alliss as he joined the BBC commentators at the Open golf at Muirfield last weekend. And you responded lavishly. At a time when commentators are expected to guard their tongues as if they were locked into mini-chastity belts, it's delightful to have someone who says whatever pops into his head.
Grainne Meyer says: "One player had gone from not having a single logo on his clothes a few years ago, to being plastered with them. Peter Allis said: 'Money's not the biggest thing in life, but it's right up there with air and food.' " David Lovegrove was intrigued by his remark over a shot of two people eating ice creams. "When I do the long lick, nothing happens," he said. This was followed by complete, possibly puzzled, silence.Grainne Meyer says: "One player had gone from not having a single logo on his clothes a few years ago, to being plastered with them. Peter Allis said: 'Money's not the biggest thing in life, but it's right up there with air and food.' " David Lovegrove was intrigued by his remark over a shot of two people eating ice creams. "When I do the long lick, nothing happens," he said. This was followed by complete, possibly puzzled, silence.
Penny Clark saw a putt curl and miss the hole at the last minute. "I call that a wobbly willy!"Penny Clark saw a putt curl and miss the hole at the last minute. "I call that a wobbly willy!"
Baffling, this one from Roger Musson, about Angel Cabrera and his caddie, who happens to be his son: "Here they come on those great Argentinian legs, none of your cheap rubbish." Like all the best Allissisms, it has a fine surreal tinge.Baffling, this one from Roger Musson, about Angel Cabrera and his caddie, who happens to be his son: "Here they come on those great Argentinian legs, none of your cheap rubbish." Like all the best Allissisms, it has a fine surreal tinge.
John Elford caught his comment on a pair of black dappled golf trousers. "I trust no dalmatians were killed in the making of those."John Elford caught his comment on a pair of black dappled golf trousers. "I trust no dalmatians were killed in the making of those."
I liked the moment when the TV cameras focused on an elderly gent with huge bushy white eyebrows. "Those are rippers, absolute corkers. I expect there's a family of swifts under there, you can just see the mother flying in …"I liked the moment when the TV cameras focused on an elderly gent with huge bushy white eyebrows. "Those are rippers, absolute corkers. I expect there's a family of swifts under there, you can just see the mother flying in …"
And here's one that would get any other commentator banned for life. Several of you sent it. A camera roving the East Lothian course lit upon Lady Alliss (I have conferred her husband's knighthood).And here's one that would get any other commentator banned for life. Several of you sent it. A camera roving the East Lothian course lit upon Lady Alliss (I have conferred her husband's knighthood).
"And there's the other half. Someone once described her as a rottweiler with lipgloss; not me of course …""And there's the other half. Someone once described her as a rottweiler with lipgloss; not me of course …"
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