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How to accept a Nobel prize with style How to accept a Nobel prize with style
(about 4 hours later)
If anyone from the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons is reading this, congratulations on your Nobel peace prize win. The next day or so will be the most important of your organisation's life, because the entire world will be watching to see how you react. The trick is, if this year's other winners are any indication, to respond to your win with a mixture of embarrassment and boredom. If you can, try following the lead of Peter Higgs, the JD Salinger of theoretical physics, who ran off on holiday without a phone before he could even be told that he'd won the prize in physics this week. This should be your blueprint.If anyone from the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons is reading this, congratulations on your Nobel peace prize win. The next day or so will be the most important of your organisation's life, because the entire world will be watching to see how you react. The trick is, if this year's other winners are any indication, to respond to your win with a mixture of embarrassment and boredom. If you can, try following the lead of Peter Higgs, the JD Salinger of theoretical physics, who ran off on holiday without a phone before he could even be told that he'd won the prize in physics this week. This should be your blueprint.
The most notable aspect of Alice Munro's literature prize win this week, for instance, was that she was fast asleep when she won it. The Nobel committee woke her up when it called to congratulate her. "I knew I was in the running, yes, but I never thought I would win," was her excuse. This would have been the best award acceptance of all time if it wasn't for the 2007 winner Doris Lessing.The most notable aspect of Alice Munro's literature prize win this week, for instance, was that she was fast asleep when she won it. The Nobel committee woke her up when it called to congratulate her. "I knew I was in the running, yes, but I never thought I would win," was her excuse. This would have been the best award acceptance of all time if it wasn't for the 2007 winner Doris Lessing.
Then aged 87, Lessing discovered she'd won the Nobel prize when she found herself surrounded by reporters outside her house. An American voice called out "You've won the Nobel prize in literature." Half a syllable into the word "literature", Lessing rolled her eyes, put her shopping down, and sighed. It was a deep, heavy sigh – halfway between disbelief and the dawning realisation that this was really going to bugger up her day. "Oh Christ," she finally said. It was, without exaggeration, the most perfect way to win an award there has ever been.Then aged 87, Lessing discovered she'd won the Nobel prize when she found herself surrounded by reporters outside her house. An American voice called out "You've won the Nobel prize in literature." Half a syllable into the word "literature", Lessing rolled her eyes, put her shopping down, and sighed. It was a deep, heavy sigh – halfway between disbelief and the dawning realisation that this was really going to bugger up her day. "Oh Christ," she finally said. It was, without exaggeration, the most perfect way to win an award there has ever been.
Imagine if Munro or Lessing had responded in a more traditional way. Imagine if they'd flapped their hands uselessly at their face before embarking on a tedious pre-written speech that thanked their agents and the award committee and all the other nominees and reasserted their love for their husbands and ended with a vague plea for world peace. Imagine, in short, if they were Anne Hathaway. Or imagine if they were Roberto Benigni, and they started clambering around on their furniture like Mammy Two Shoes from Tom and Jerry and then bellowed out a torrent of obviously too enthusiastic "I want to kiss everybody! I used up all my English!" faux-gratitude.Imagine if Munro or Lessing had responded in a more traditional way. Imagine if they'd flapped their hands uselessly at their face before embarking on a tedious pre-written speech that thanked their agents and the award committee and all the other nominees and reasserted their love for their husbands and ended with a vague plea for world peace. Imagine, in short, if they were Anne Hathaway. Or imagine if they were Roberto Benigni, and they started clambering around on their furniture like Mammy Two Shoes from Tom and Jerry and then bellowed out a torrent of obviously too enthusiastic "I want to kiss everybody! I used up all my English!" faux-gratitude.
Instead, there seems to be a direct correlation between how respected an award is and the palpable awkwardness of the winners. The Nobel prize is so important that a tearful reaction would only demean it. Nobody wants their Nobel prizewinners to gush. In fact, if this year has proved anything, it's that nobody even really wants their Nobel prizewinners to want to win. It's hard to know how next year's winners will be able to top this year's one-two of sleepiness and outright fleeing. Perhaps they could respond to Nobel with outright hostility, perhaps by yelling swearwords at the committee, or by going to Stockholm to trash its headquarters with a spraycan.Instead, there seems to be a direct correlation between how respected an award is and the palpable awkwardness of the winners. The Nobel prize is so important that a tearful reaction would only demean it. Nobody wants their Nobel prizewinners to gush. In fact, if this year has proved anything, it's that nobody even really wants their Nobel prizewinners to want to win. It's hard to know how next year's winners will be able to top this year's one-two of sleepiness and outright fleeing. Perhaps they could respond to Nobel with outright hostility, perhaps by yelling swearwords at the committee, or by going to Stockholm to trash its headquarters with a spraycan.
Maybe that's a step too far. Accepting an award with a mixture of obliviousness and genuine embarrassment is by far the best, and most classy, way to go. Look hard enough and you can find examples of this elsewhere. By far the best moment of this year's Emmys was Merritt Wever's speech, which amounted to: "Thank you so … Oh no! Thanks so much. Um. Thank you so much! Um … I gotta go. Bye.". So leave the emoting to the hacks. If you're ever going to win an award, try to make it a Nobel. And, for the love of God, try to be more like Doris Lessing. Maybe that's a step too far. Accepting an award with a mixture of obliviousness and genuine embarrassment is by far the best, and most classy, way to go. Look hard enough and you can find examples of this elsewhere. By far the best moment of this year's Emmys was Merritt Wever's speech, which amounted to: "Thank you so … Oh no! Thanks so much. Um. Thank you so much! Um … I gotta go. Bye." So leave the emoting to the hacks. If you're ever going to win an award, try to make it a Nobel. And, for the love of God, try to be more like Doris Lessing.
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