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A grown-up's guide to sexting (or, why you should stop worrying about your teenagers get up to online) A grown-up's guide to sexting (or, why you should stop worrying about what your teenagers get up to online)
(about 5 hours later)
What's the big deal about sexting? Teenager Aminah Appiah doesn't think it's such a problem, having this week told Newsnight that "it's just one of the ways my friends communicate", with the typical nonchalance of the adolescent. Yeah, so what? Enough with the news segments and the studies and the talking heads; it's just a picture of some boobs. Innit?What's the big deal about sexting? Teenager Aminah Appiah doesn't think it's such a problem, having this week told Newsnight that "it's just one of the ways my friends communicate", with the typical nonchalance of the adolescent. Yeah, so what? Enough with the news segments and the studies and the talking heads; it's just a picture of some boobs. Innit?
She's right, of course. Just what is it about the electronic transfer of sexual words and images between teenagers that interests so many adults? A Greek friend of mine finds it hilarious that the British government even has time to wade into the private sexual lives of its subjects. Some Americans I was in a bar with last night were baffled by the whole debate. They thought I was talking about politicians sending pictures of their wieners to each other. When they realised I was talking about private citizens, they visibly switched off.She's right, of course. Just what is it about the electronic transfer of sexual words and images between teenagers that interests so many adults? A Greek friend of mine finds it hilarious that the British government even has time to wade into the private sexual lives of its subjects. Some Americans I was in a bar with last night were baffled by the whole debate. They thought I was talking about politicians sending pictures of their wieners to each other. When they realised I was talking about private citizens, they visibly switched off.
The hysteria regarding what teenagers get up to on the internet has been building for some time, of course, but it has now reached fever pitch. This week it was announced that Facebook had changed its privacy settings for teens, allowing them to share photos and status updates with the general public – thus making them vulnerable to a cohort of paedophiles, revenge-porn pedlars and human traffickers, all of whom will presumably be fascinated by all those status updates about X Factor, Chessington World of Adventures and the bare mayo in a Kentucky Fried Chicken tower burger.The hysteria regarding what teenagers get up to on the internet has been building for some time, of course, but it has now reached fever pitch. This week it was announced that Facebook had changed its privacy settings for teens, allowing them to share photos and status updates with the general public – thus making them vulnerable to a cohort of paedophiles, revenge-porn pedlars and human traffickers, all of whom will presumably be fascinated by all those status updates about X Factor, Chessington World of Adventures and the bare mayo in a Kentucky Fried Chicken tower burger.
Meanwhile, Amazon has announced that it will be selling "family friendly" tablets that allow parents to control what their children download, and ministers have decided that sexting is to become part of the national curriculum. Not part of a proper, coherent sex and relationships curriculum, you understand, but the information technology curriculum. That – coupled with Michael Gove's "why don't you all send one another love poems instead?" idiocy – shows you all you really need to know about Conservative discomfort with pre-adult sexuality. It exists, but never mind, we can always bore it out of them.Meanwhile, Amazon has announced that it will be selling "family friendly" tablets that allow parents to control what their children download, and ministers have decided that sexting is to become part of the national curriculum. Not part of a proper, coherent sex and relationships curriculum, you understand, but the information technology curriculum. That – coupled with Michael Gove's "why don't you all send one another love poems instead?" idiocy – shows you all you really need to know about Conservative discomfort with pre-adult sexuality. It exists, but never mind, we can always bore it out of them.
I sexted, as a teenager.By which I mean, I sent (what I thought were) erotic messages to boys with the intention of turning them on, and in turn received them. The technology wasn't available for me to attach a picture of my breasts, but I'm sure if it had been I would have done it. I did let a boyfriend take some pictures of me in my knickers on holiday once, but I have to say I haven't lost sleep over it. In fact, I'd quite like to see them. I'll probably never look that "buffting" again. It was all just a part of healthy adolescent exploration, facilitated by, and not because of, the technology. It made a nice break from daydreaming during chemistry lessons about what sex might be like, which always seemed to be my fantasising lesson of choice.I sexted, as a teenager.By which I mean, I sent (what I thought were) erotic messages to boys with the intention of turning them on, and in turn received them. The technology wasn't available for me to attach a picture of my breasts, but I'm sure if it had been I would have done it. I did let a boyfriend take some pictures of me in my knickers on holiday once, but I have to say I haven't lost sleep over it. In fact, I'd quite like to see them. I'll probably never look that "buffting" again. It was all just a part of healthy adolescent exploration, facilitated by, and not because of, the technology. It made a nice break from daydreaming during chemistry lessons about what sex might be like, which always seemed to be my fantasising lesson of choice.
Of course, I understand how adults with a rudimentary grasp of technology might be concerned that their children are making themselves vulnerable to exploitation. They should be comforted that the existence of Snapchat means that an image can be destroyed within a matter of seconds; and my experience of teenagers reveals that they send one another just as many silly selfies and videos of themselves dancing in their pyjamas as they do explicit images. It's also important that we don't conflate consensual sexual activity with harassment. The clue is in the name: sex, and therefore sexting, is something that takes place between two people, both of whom consent. An unsolicited picture of a disembodied penis is not sexting – it's harassment. Blackmailing a child into performing sexual favours by dangling an explicit image over their head is not sexting – it's abuse.Of course, I understand how adults with a rudimentary grasp of technology might be concerned that their children are making themselves vulnerable to exploitation. They should be comforted that the existence of Snapchat means that an image can be destroyed within a matter of seconds; and my experience of teenagers reveals that they send one another just as many silly selfies and videos of themselves dancing in their pyjamas as they do explicit images. It's also important that we don't conflate consensual sexual activity with harassment. The clue is in the name: sex, and therefore sexting, is something that takes place between two people, both of whom consent. An unsolicited picture of a disembodied penis is not sexting – it's harassment. Blackmailing a child into performing sexual favours by dangling an explicit image over their head is not sexting – it's abuse.
The pressure young people feel to send these images is no different to that which teenagers have always experienced as far as sexual activity is concerned. Were we actually to provide teenagers with the tools they need to recognise a healthy sexual relationship, rather than leave them at the mercy of their peers with one 40-minute PSHE lesson up their sleeves for guidance, then the problem would be all but eradicated. I was reading an article earlier this week in which a young woman detailed her experience of having a picture of her vagina put on a revenge porn site by a former boyfriend. After spending weeks attempting to find said picture, she was relieved to discover that it was essentially lost in a sea of vaginas. "My vagina is on the internet where everyone can see," she wrote, "but no one will ever know which it is." A more persuasive argument for keeping your face out of proceedings I have never read.The pressure young people feel to send these images is no different to that which teenagers have always experienced as far as sexual activity is concerned. Were we actually to provide teenagers with the tools they need to recognise a healthy sexual relationship, rather than leave them at the mercy of their peers with one 40-minute PSHE lesson up their sleeves for guidance, then the problem would be all but eradicated. I was reading an article earlier this week in which a young woman detailed her experience of having a picture of her vagina put on a revenge porn site by a former boyfriend. After spending weeks attempting to find said picture, she was relieved to discover that it was essentially lost in a sea of vaginas. "My vagina is on the internet where everyone can see," she wrote, "but no one will ever know which it is." A more persuasive argument for keeping your face out of proceedings I have never read.
It is, after all, the first rule of sexting. Everything else is literally just bollocks.It is, after all, the first rule of sexting. Everything else is literally just bollocks.
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