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Like Gordon Ramsay, I spied on my daughter. And I'll tell you why Like Gordon Ramsay, I spied on my daughter. And I'll tell you why
(35 minutes later)
Did Gordon Ramsay secretly install a spy camera in his 15-year-old daughter's bedroom to check that she was revising with her boyfriend, as he announced on The Jonathan Ross Show? Whether you believe he did, or think it was a joke, this sort of thing sometimes happens with parents and teenagers. I should know because I once put a camera in my daughter's room.Did Gordon Ramsay secretly install a spy camera in his 15-year-old daughter's bedroom to check that she was revising with her boyfriend, as he announced on The Jonathan Ross Show? Whether you believe he did, or think it was a joke, this sort of thing sometimes happens with parents and teenagers. I should know because I once put a camera in my daughter's room.
I did not install a camera secretly. Obviously, you should never put cameras in your children's bedrooms without them knowing. Boyfriends or not, it would be a grotesque invasion of their privacy. But take away the secrecy and ask the same question: is it ever right to be able to check on your child via a camera?I did not install a camera secretly. Obviously, you should never put cameras in your children's bedrooms without them knowing. Boyfriends or not, it would be a grotesque invasion of their privacy. But take away the secrecy and ask the same question: is it ever right to be able to check on your child via a camera?
My daughter's camera was portable, positioned on a bookcase, trained on a desktop and only on when she was supposed to be studying for her retakes. The plan was to use the camera short term, mainly to stop the endless parental rounds of clomping up to her room, checking and chivvying. It was also to give her privacy – the alternative (which she was offered) was to study at the kitchen table.My daughter's camera was portable, positioned on a bookcase, trained on a desktop and only on when she was supposed to be studying for her retakes. The plan was to use the camera short term, mainly to stop the endless parental rounds of clomping up to her room, checking and chivvying. It was also to give her privacy – the alternative (which she was offered) was to study at the kitchen table.
The camera was an unmitigated disaster. I rarely remembered to check it and when I did it wasn't on her. With an inventiveness that seems screamingly funny now, it was pointed straight at the ceiling, covered with a jumper or giving me a clear view of the inside of the bin. My daughter ended up mainly studying at the kitchen table.The camera was an unmitigated disaster. I rarely remembered to check it and when I did it wasn't on her. With an inventiveness that seems screamingly funny now, it was pointed straight at the ceiling, covered with a jumper or giving me a clear view of the inside of the bin. My daughter ended up mainly studying at the kitchen table.
For those who think that all this sounds like a crazy dysfunctional situation that should never have been allowed to get to this point… Well, duh, you don't say? Dropping the sarcasm, this is the point: what is parenting teenagers about if not navigating seemingly endless crazy situations and sometimes making bad calls?For those who think that all this sounds like a crazy dysfunctional situation that should never have been allowed to get to this point… Well, duh, you don't say? Dropping the sarcasm, this is the point: what is parenting teenagers about if not navigating seemingly endless crazy situations and sometimes making bad calls?
During the brief, doomed camera experiment, I would get into heated debates with people, who thought it was akin to a violation of human rights. Those who most opposed it tended to have no children (leave them to their unknowing bliss) or much younger children. While I don't mean to alarm the latter group of rookies, they need to know that they know nothing.During the brief, doomed camera experiment, I would get into heated debates with people, who thought it was akin to a violation of human rights. Those who most opposed it tended to have no children (leave them to their unknowing bliss) or much younger children. While I don't mean to alarm the latter group of rookies, they need to know that they know nothing.
Nappies and sleepless nights are nothing compared to the teenage years, when trouble is not only most likely to kick off (which doesn't matter), but also have genuine far-reaching consequences (which do). A crying baby at 4am is hard yakka, but that baby has no real autonomy or power and could not unwittingly (or otherwise) destroy its future. Likewise, toddlers or young schoolchildren aren't likely to get into situations that could adversely affect their lives for decades.Nappies and sleepless nights are nothing compared to the teenage years, when trouble is not only most likely to kick off (which doesn't matter), but also have genuine far-reaching consequences (which do). A crying baby at 4am is hard yakka, but that baby has no real autonomy or power and could not unwittingly (or otherwise) destroy its future. Likewise, toddlers or young schoolchildren aren't likely to get into situations that could adversely affect their lives for decades.
It is only during the pre-teen/teenage years that a parent is first called upon to do the real dirty work of parenting, including slapping hands away from self-destruct buttons. This is how parents end up "spying" on teenagers. Eavesdropping, reading diaries, grilling friends, putting location spyware on mobiles so that they'll know exactly which ditch their child's corpse has been thrown into. I did none of the above, partly because of ethical quandaries, but mainly because I never got the chance.It is only during the pre-teen/teenage years that a parent is first called upon to do the real dirty work of parenting, including slapping hands away from self-destruct buttons. This is how parents end up "spying" on teenagers. Eavesdropping, reading diaries, grilling friends, putting location spyware on mobiles so that they'll know exactly which ditch their child's corpse has been thrown into. I did none of the above, partly because of ethical quandaries, but mainly because I never got the chance.
If this wasn't your experience of parenting teenagers, lucky you – go and get yourself a rosette from the Smug Box. Otherwise, it seems unfair to judge beleaguered, exhausted parents if, at some points, they make mistakes, including convincing themselves that training cameras on their first born is a completely sane decision.If this wasn't your experience of parenting teenagers, lucky you – go and get yourself a rosette from the Smug Box. Otherwise, it seems unfair to judge beleaguered, exhausted parents if, at some points, they make mistakes, including convincing themselves that training cameras on their first born is a completely sane decision.
Does it seem farcical that I thought that camera was a good idea? Yes, but that's easy to say now. To all parents of teenagers currently going through it, I salute you, despite any crazed or naff decisions you might be making. As far as I'm concerned, getting a child through the teenage years is like driving a Ferrari through a pea-souper – you can be forgiven the odd prang.Does it seem farcical that I thought that camera was a good idea? Yes, but that's easy to say now. To all parents of teenagers currently going through it, I salute you, despite any crazed or naff decisions you might be making. As far as I'm concerned, getting a child through the teenage years is like driving a Ferrari through a pea-souper – you can be forgiven the odd prang.
If he was telling the truth, Ramsay was wrong not to tell his daughter about the camera – the rest just showed he cared.If he was telling the truth, Ramsay was wrong not to tell his daughter about the camera – the rest just showed he cared.
Housework's the fat end of the wedgeHousework's the fat end of the wedge
An activity study from the University of Ulster says that doing housework doesn't keep you fit. In fact, those who did the most housework also tended to be the most overweight.An activity study from the University of Ulster says that doing housework doesn't keep you fit. In fact, those who did the most housework also tended to be the most overweight.
The study on physical activity, featuring more than 4,500 people, counters Public Health England and World Health Organisation wisdom that household chores count towards recommended targets. Women were among groups prone to classifying housework as moderate to vigorous physical activity.The study on physical activity, featuring more than 4,500 people, counters Public Health England and World Health Organisation wisdom that household chores count towards recommended targets. Women were among groups prone to classifying housework as moderate to vigorous physical activity.
While better than doing nothing, a fifth of these women fell short of targets, which was put down either to overestimating how much energy they were expending or overeating to compensate afterwards.While better than doing nothing, a fifth of these women fell short of targets, which was put down either to overestimating how much energy they were expending or overeating to compensate afterwards.
This was a study of both sexes, but, where the daily grind of housework is concerned, let's hope women stop being taken in by the con trick of it being "women's work" or indeed "good for you".This was a study of both sexes, but, where the daily grind of housework is concerned, let's hope women stop being taken in by the con trick of it being "women's work" or indeed "good for you".
The notion that doing the household chores helps keeps you fit appears to be relative, as in relative to sitting completely motionless all day. You may as well go for a walk… to the pub!The notion that doing the household chores helps keeps you fit appears to be relative, as in relative to sitting completely motionless all day. You may as well go for a walk… to the pub!
Thus we can add the keeps you fit argument to the chauvinist dustbin, along with other ruses such as: "You do it so much better", the timeless classic: "I'll just do this really badly until you can't stand it any more and take over" and the ever-reliable: "I'm allergic."Thus we can add the keeps you fit argument to the chauvinist dustbin, along with other ruses such as: "You do it so much better", the timeless classic: "I'll just do this really badly until you can't stand it any more and take over" and the ever-reliable: "I'm allergic."
All of which makes me cross and not just because I'm a bit of a lazy slut who is jealous of the way male lazy sluts keep getting away with it.All of which makes me cross and not just because I'm a bit of a lazy slut who is jealous of the way male lazy sluts keep getting away with it.
This fallacy of dreary annoying housework as "feminine" has kept women in patriarchal leg irons for years.This fallacy of dreary annoying housework as "feminine" has kept women in patriarchal leg irons for years.
It's high time that gender-specific work should be outlawed inside the home, just as it is out of it.It's high time that gender-specific work should be outlawed inside the home, just as it is out of it.
Hurrah for the stand taken by Gloria de PieroHurrah for the stand taken by Gloria de Piero
How disgusting that Labour MP Gloria de Piero should have to appeal to publications not to pursue and publish her old topless photographs.How disgusting that Labour MP Gloria de Piero should have to appeal to publications not to pursue and publish her old topless photographs.
De Piero was a skint, working-class girl when she posed for those photos – she just wanted some money to buy pretty clothes to fit in with her friends. She should not have to answer for her youthful "error". Arguably, many people in public life would benefit from a life full of twists and turns.De Piero was a skint, working-class girl when she posed for those photos – she just wanted some money to buy pretty clothes to fit in with her friends. She should not have to answer for her youthful "error". Arguably, many people in public life would benefit from a life full of twists and turns.
However, the real issue here is that De Piero was only 15. However much she colluded, those photographs should never have been taken, nor indeed should any newspaper consider printing what could be classed as paedophile images.However, the real issue here is that De Piero was only 15. However much she colluded, those photographs should never have been taken, nor indeed should any newspaper consider printing what could be classed as paedophile images.
There is a disconnect here: society rightly becomes upset about sexual imagery of young children, but, in de Piero's case, people talk of everything but the fact that, at 15, she was a child and publishing photos of her topless would be obscene.There is a disconnect here: society rightly becomes upset about sexual imagery of young children, but, in de Piero's case, people talk of everything but the fact that, at 15, she was a child and publishing photos of her topless would be obscene.
Are teenage girls still considered "crumpet" in some blind spot of British sexual morality? Let's hope not.Are teenage girls still considered "crumpet" in some blind spot of British sexual morality? Let's hope not.
In the meantime, bravo to de Piero for handling a nasty situation with dignity.In the meantime, bravo to de Piero for handling a nasty situation with dignity.
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