Paying it forward and the kindness of strangers

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/oct/24/playing-it-forward-ellen-degerneres

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Being kind is a thing. It’s got a catchy meme-driven name, a book, a Hollywood movie, a how-to wiki and a reddit thread to prove it. All the necessary cultural validations to make it a “thing”.

Paying it forward is the random act of doing something kind for someone who hasn’t done anything for you. So instead of returning a favour or “paying it back” you do good for its own sake. It’s not a new term, having been coined in 1944, but it’s experiencing a new-found popularity as a cultural movement against the backdrop of global disheartening and some would say, hard-heartening.

Daytime show hosts have been refining the art of paying it forward for years, pioneered by Oprah with her gallant gestures in surprising her audience, identified as those in need, with free cars and trips to Australia. Ellen DeGeneres paid it forward just this week when she gave a waitress, who had covered the bill of two soldiers during government shutdown, a cheque for $10,000. Sarah Hoidahl, 21-year-old single mother had written a note to the soldiers that said: ‘Thanks to the gov. shutdown the people like you that protect this country are not getting paid. However I still am. Lunch is on me! Thank you for serving ladies! Have a good day! Sarah." The note was uploaded to Facebook and shared widely when it caught the attention of Ellen, who invited Hoidahl on to her show, giving her the $27.75 for the bill before presenting her with a cheque for $10,000. “You’re a good person,” DeGeneres said.

It’s easy to be cynical. DeGeneres and Oprah earn millions, the gesture makes them look good, and Oprah’s donations were tax write-offs and often sponsored by the companies whose goods she gave away. It’s likely this is how paying it forward could be understood if it weren’t for the fact that every day people like Hoidahl, who come from less privileged positions, are doing it for no other reason than to be kind. To be good. And they are doing it in increasing numbers.

A drive-through burger joint in Texas sees it happen almost on a daily basis, often sparking a chain reaction (known as pay it forward lines) that can see a days worth of customers pay the meal for the car behind them. Customers in a hospital-based coffee shop (not the cheeriest of places) have benefited from anonymous benefactors paying for up to 500 cups of coffee for a day. One of the benefactors said it was a way to give back. "They've (hospital staff) helped my father a lot and I just feel, why not give a little back to the hospital?" they said. And it doesn’t just stop at coffee and burgers. A mother on a Reddit forum reports how she was stuck for money at a time when her daughter needed to be seen by a doctor, she was explaining her situation to the surgery receptionist when the amount was discreetly covered by a stranger who overheard the conversation. When she caught up with the man to thank him, his only request was that she pay it forward when she could.

That this should all happen when the world seems increasingly bleak, can perhaps be seen as an attempt to take back our right to be human. To care at the moment in time when we have lost faith in governments, institutions and corporations to do so. Sydney’s burning (but don’t mention climate change!), our politicians speak of those seeking refuge from trauma in non-human terms, governments invade our privacy using freedom as their excuse and the ocean is broken.

That these acts of paying it forward may come to be something no more symbolic than the clicking of Facebook causes, satiating our guilt, remains to be seen. For the moment, I’ll seek refuge in their kindness.

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