Obama pardons Popcorn the turkey – and cracks a ton of corny jokes
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Version 0 of 1. In what may turn out to be – when historians get to the matter – the crowning turn as a dorky dad of his presidency, Barack Obama on Wednesday announced he would let two turkeys live that were not going to be slaughtered anyway. The good news came at the annual presidential pardoning of turkeys, a Thanksgiving tradition since Ronald Reagan invented it, on a whim, in 1987. Obama appeared outside the White House shortly before 1.30pm to announce the news. He was accompanied by his daughters Malia, 15, and Sasha, 12. To the left were two unnaturally large birds, called Popcorn and Caramel. At the podium were remarks containing an appalling parade of corny jokes. "The office of the presidency, the most powerful position in the world, brings with it many awesome and solemn responsibilities," Obama began. "This is not one of them. But the White House turkey pardon is a great tradition, and I know Malia loves it, as does Sasha." The last line was met with the affectionate eyerolls. The president introduced the birds and said they were the winners of a vote by schoolchildren in Minnesota, where the turkeys were raised. "They, like my chief of staff, are Vikings fans," the president said. A bird gobbled. "You see?" Popcorn and Caramel had beaten out a field of 80 birds for the honor of being pardoned in Washington, Obama said. "It was quite literally the Hunger Games," he said. From the White House video feed of the event it was not possible to tell what share of the audible laughs were forced. The two daughters kept their feet admirably. Then the president said a national vote had determined a top turkey, and it was Popcorn. "The competition was stiff, but we can officially declare that Popcorn was the winner, proving that even a turkey with a funny name can find a place in politics," Obama said, to more (forced?) laughter. The president concluded the ceremony by walking over to Popcorn and making a sign of the cross as he delivered a benediction borrowed from a very different kind of ceremony. “With the power vested in me, I want to grant Popcorn a full pardon,” Obama said. “Popcorn, you have a full reprieve from cranberry sauce and stuffing. We wish you well, and we're going to give Caramel a break as well.” The scene closed with grateful smiles all around. The turkeys will live out their days at Morven Park’s Turkey Hill in Leesburg, Virginia. Their remaning days are not likely to be numerous: the two pardoned birds weigh over 37lbs, four times the size of wild turkeys. Such overdeveloped birds tend to develop bone deformities, suffer bleeding of the kidneys and die of sudden heart attacks. None of the birds previously spared during Obama's presidency is still alive. Our editors' picks for the day's top news and commentary delivered to your inbox each morning. |