The rules

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/30/the-rules-smoking-etiquette

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Most people take up smoking because they want to look cool. They give up for the same reason, the crucial point being that, as they get older, people change their view of what cool looks like, from James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause to being physically capable of running for a bus without coughing for 10 minutes afterwards.

Smoking and politics

Making smoking seem less cool to young people is one reason why the government is considering passing a law so that cigarettes can only be sold in plain packaging. The theory is that branding adds to the glamour, which lures young people into addiction. Tobacco companies insist this won't work, but then they also used to say that cigarettes don't cause cancer.

The first rule for government smoking policy is to find out what tobacco companies want and do the opposite. The second rule, broken by David Cameron, is to not hire a former lobbyist for the tobacco industry as your election strategist. Then, if you do go for plain packaging, it looks like you're only doing it to prove that your lobbyist adviser isn't telling you what to do, which is like giving up smoking just so you can ostentatiously tut around people who still smoke – doing the right thing and sabotaging it by being obnoxious.

Modern politicians do not like to be seen as smokers. The exception is Nigel Farage, who is constitutionally obliged to smoke at all times to distinguish himself from other clean-living politicians.

David Cameron used to smoke a bit and may always do so again if he thinks it will appeal to Ukip voters. Nick Clegg has been known to smoke occasionally but isn't proud of it. He sees himself as a non-smoker who happens to be in a coalition with smoking. Ed Miliband once passively inhaled some smoke from Tony Benn's pipe when he was younger.

Giving up smoking

The key ingredient in stopping smoking is willpower. This means it is good idea to give up drinking at the same time because willpower is soluble in alcohol.

That also means it is sensible not to go out too much when trying to quit or hang out with smoker friends. The problem is then that not smoking feels boring and uncool, which reminds people of why they started in the first place.

So the rule for giving up smoking is to accept that you were never as cool as you thought you were anyway. This can usually be achieved by looking at old photographs of yourself. The long-term way to resile from trying to be cool is to have children who are old enough to know what is actually cool.

Social smoking

Never claim to be a "social smoker". This may have been an acceptable position when cigarettes didn't cost more per gram than platinum but now it just means that you like to smoke other people's expensive cigarettes when drunk.

Besides, smokers are addicts and therefore, like all junkies, revel in the perverse solidarity of their condition. They see social smokers as a fifth column of non-smoking in their midst. Telling a full-time smoker you only dabble in the habit is like claiming to be a fan of a football team but don't really mind when they lose. The only thing worse than the social smoker is the smug ex-smoker. The rule with post-smoking self-satisfaction is that it should be kept to yourself.

Smoking and the economy

There is a correlation between smoking and low productivity. This is because smokers persuade themselves that they will work better once they have had a cigarette and then wander out of the office to not work at all.

Cigars

A good look for Winston Churchill. Usually ridiculous in the hands of people who can't credibly claim to have defeated the Nazis.

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