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| Marcus Brigstocke's New Year resolutions | Marcus Brigstocke's New Year resolutions |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| Actor and comedian Marcus Brigstocke asks why we need to wait until January to "get off our lazy bums" and change our ways. Here's his poem. | |
| Eat less, tweet less, | Eat less, tweet less, |
| Try to pick my feet less, | Try to pick my feet less, |
| Walk more, cycle often, | Walk more, cycle often, |
| I will not let my belly soften, | I will not let my belly soften, |
| Call my Mother, hug my Dad, | Call my Mother, hug my Dad, |
| See a friend, who's feeling sad. | See a friend, who's feeling sad. |
| Be kind, shout less, read more, don't lie, | Be kind, shout less, read more, don't lie, |
| Be fair, shout more, read less, less pie. | Be fair, shout more, read less, less pie. |
| Stop fiddling with my sodding phone | Stop fiddling with my sodding phone |
| Angry Birds leave me alone! | Angry Birds leave me alone! |
| Around the Sun - one revolution | Around the Sun - one revolution |
| And so - my New Year's resolution. | And so - my New Year's resolution. |
| Fix the door on the washing machine, | Fix the door on the washing machine, |
| I made that promise for Jan 13. | I made that promise for Jan 13. |
| Let nuance in when I debate, | Let nuance in when I debate, |
| I will not read the Daily Hate, | I will not read the Daily Hate, |
| I will not look at comment pages, | I will not look at comment pages, |
| And therefore won't fly into rages, | And therefore won't fly into rages, |
| Honestly, I mean why do people do it? We're in the season now when some dolt will claim their council has banned Christmas because of the Muslims and the atheists and the health and safety people who've said it's too dangerous for fat men climb down chimneys with bags of presents and they can't insure that many reindeer on the roof at once. It's just nonsense… You see? See what happens? They've gone and put me off my rhyming couplets now… | Honestly, I mean why do people do it? We're in the season now when some dolt will claim their council has banned Christmas because of the Muslims and the atheists and the health and safety people who've said it's too dangerous for fat men climb down chimneys with bags of presents and they can't insure that many reindeer on the roof at once. It's just nonsense… You see? See what happens? They've gone and put me off my rhyming couplets now… |
| Which promises will you all make? | Which promises will you all make? |
| For this New Year when you awake. | For this New Year when you awake. |
| Perhaps you'll say you'll give up smoking, | Perhaps you'll say you'll give up smoking, |
| Study something thought-provoking, | Study something thought-provoking, |
| You'll drink less booze and join the gym, | You'll drink less booze and join the gym, |
| Get fitter, swim, be slim, get trim, | Get fitter, swim, be slim, get trim, |
| As New Year 2014 starts | As New Year 2014 starts |
| We'll all make pledges from our hearts… | We'll all make pledges from our hearts… |
| But why? What purpose will it serve? | But why? What purpose will it serve? |
| To promise then what we deserve. | To promise then what we deserve. |
| We could (and this is just a thought) | We could (and this is just a thought) |
| Do now what then we think we ought? | Do now what then we think we ought? |
| Why wait until the New Year comes? | Why wait until the New Year comes? |
| To get up off our lazy bums | To get up off our lazy bums |
| And do what may make us content | And do what may make us content |
| When now we could give our assent | When now we could give our assent |
| To any thought, desire or goal | To any thought, desire or goal |
| That we believe may make us whole. | That we believe may make us whole. |
| I'll do it then, today I mean, | I'll do it then, today I mean, |
| I shall not wait 'till New Year's been. | I shall not wait 'till New Year's been. |
| Carpe Diem the Latin phrase, | Carpe Diem the Latin phrase, |
| Or "seize the day" no more delays. | Or "seize the day" no more delays. |
| My New Year's resolution vow | My New Year's resolution vow |
| Begins today, this instant - now. | Begins today, this instant - now. |
| Which I will commence on Jan 1st 2014. | Which I will commence on Jan 1st 2014. |
| Follow @BBCNewsMagazine on Twitter and on Facebook | Follow @BBCNewsMagazine on Twitter and on Facebook |