Nelson Mandela's funeral is the best gig of David Cameron's life

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2013/dec/11/nelson-mandela-funeral-david-cameron-best-gig

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<strong>Bonio:</strong> Stop the clocks. Madiba is dead.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Who?

<strong>Bonio:</strong> Nelson Mandela. It's what he would have wanted me to call him.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Let me just say this: Madiba was a great man. I'll miss him deeply.

<strong>Osborne:</strong> Did you actually ever meet him?

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Maybe once. But it was obviously one of the most important meetings of his life.

<strong>Osborne:</strong> Didn't we spend most of the 1980s campaigning to have him kept in prison?

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Not now, Ozzy.

<strong>Milidee:</strong> I would also just like to say that Madiba was the rock.

<strong>Clegg:</strong> My turn, my turn. Madiba was more than a rock, he was …

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Hold on a minute. Bonio is organising the VIP passes for the funeral and wants to know who fancies coming.

<strong>Milidee:</strong> Me, Me.

<strong>Clegg:</strong> Me, Me, Me.

<strong>Blair:</strong> Hi guys. I really, reallythink that My Madiba would like me to be a guest of honour.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> We don't want to cause a diplomatic incident.

<strong>Blair:</strong> It's OK, I promise not to talk to Wendi Deng.

<strong>Wendi Deng:</strong> Ah! The face that launched a thousand wars.

<strong>Blair:</strong> I did my best.

<strong>Cameron: </strong>Wowee! I'm sitting next to Barry! Cooee! Hi, Barry. I is at home with my homey down the township, like.

<strong>Obama:</strong> Yo, Cameron, my man! Check out my new cellphone. It takes great photos. Here's one of me next to the coffin. Mind if I take one of us, too?

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Yeah, why not. This service is going on a bit.

<strong>Milidee:</strong> Why am I at the back? And why is no one famous talking to me?

<strong>Cameron:</strong> I'm surprised you can't work that out for yourself.

<strong>Milidee:</strong> But e ven the Cleggster got to talk to Clinton.

<strong>Obama:</strong> To be fair, Bill mistook him for someone else.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> That was the best gig I've even been to. Even better than Paul McCartney at the Albert Hall.

<strong>Osborne:</strong> It's OK for some. I've just had the IFS moaning that our economic forecasts are hopeless.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> We sell Royal Mail for £3bn too cheap. So we make £3bn more government cuts. That's balancing the budget.

<strong>Osborne:</strong> I know it is. But they're always moaning that everyone's broke.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Nonsense. MPs are getting an 11% rise. Not that we will take it.

<strong>Osborne:</strong> Not until we're on the backbenches, anyway.

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