Nelson Mandela remembered by Elinor Sisulu

http://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/2013/dec/15/nelson-mandela-obituary-elinor-sisulu

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<strong>Elinor Sisulu is a writer and human rights activist who is the daughter-in-law and biographer of Nelson Mandela's lifelong friend and ANC colleague Walter Sisulu.</strong>

I never thought I would cry when Nelson Mandela died. Just as I wished for his release, two-and-a-half decades ago, in these past months I prayed for his release as he hovered in the twilight zone between life and death. The logical, rational mind says he is at peace, his long walk has ended and we should be relieved but the emotional heart will not let him go. His death has released a powerful wave of nostalgia and grief at the loss of the finest of an extraordinary generation of leaders and freedom fighters.

My first personal contact with Mandela was indirectly, through my father-in-law, Walter Sisulu. In a letter written from Pollsmoor prison, after my marriage to his son Max in September 1986, Tata Sisulu included a congratulatory message from Mandela. I learned from my husband and his siblings of the depth of attachment between their father and the man they called Uncle Nel. It was a relationship that started with Walter Sisulu's mentorship of the young Mandela soon after his arrival in Johannesburg in the 1940s and was cemented by the marriage of Mandela to Walter's cousin Evelyn Mase. The relationship was not affected by Mandela and Evelyn's divorce in the 1950s, and the Sisulu and Mandela children grew up together.

I had my first experience of "Mandelamania" at the end of February 1990, when Mandela made Lusaka, Zambia his first port of call in his first international trip after his release. Max and I were among the tens of thousands who flocked to Lusaka airport to welcome him. As we negotiated our way through the sea of humanity surrounding the airport and lining the streets all the way to the city centre, I could not help thinking about the weight of responsibility on the shoulders of Mandela. Would he be able to live up to these expectations?

That night we went to State House in Lusaka where we found Mandela and Winnie holding court. I watched the moving reunions and recall Walter and his wife Albertina beaming with pride when Max introduced me and our little son Vuyisile to Mandela. "Very happy to meet you, Elinor. Now tell me, who proposed to who?" Taken aback by the question, I responded that Max had proposed. "Ah, and how long did you take to respond?" I would later learn that this was a question that Mandela asked of all young couples.

As the evening of laughter and reunions progressed, I observed the humour and the phenomenal memory at the heart of Mandela's charm and charisma. A couple of days later he had an audience of ANC exiles eating out of his hand when he told them he would be prepared to serve the ANC in any capacity – if they decided he should be a security guard, carrying a baton and wielding a whistle, he would do it. It would be the first of many times I would witness Mandela rising to the occasion and inspiring his audience.

The halcyon years of negotiations for South Africa's democratic future until April 1994, when Mandela finally became president, were difficult ones that tested his and the ANC's leadership to the utmost. Looking back, most South Africans would agree that no one else could have pulled it off. He was stern and uncompromising when the occasion demanded but never lost the personal touch. I recall a long conversation with one of his biographers, the late Anthony Sampson. We reflected on how Mandela was not perfect. He made mistakes like any other human but one of his greatest strengths was being open to admitting them.

In the run-up to the 1994 elections, Albertina Sisulu was second on the list of ANC candidates for the parliamentary elections. Shortly after the list came out, MaSisulu told us that Madiba had suggested that, on account of Walter's health, she should not stand because if she went into parliament there would be no one to look after Walter. The Sisulu children and grandchildren were astounded and incensed by Mandela's suggestion and told Walter in no certain terms how they felt. Walter conveyed their reaction to Mandela and I will never forget answering the phone at the crack of dawn and hearing that distinctive voice: "Hello Elinor, can I speak to Max?" After a moment of shocked silence I managed to say that Max was out of the country. "Where are all these Sisulu children?" was the response. I have called Lindi, Zwelakhe and Lungi and they are all not at home. I am calling to apologise. Walter told me that they are upset about my suggestion. I am very sorry if I have caused offence, and of course Ntsiki must go to parliament." I sat down in shock after that call and even today I continue to be amazed.

Albertina Sisulu did go on to become a member of the first democratic parliament. It was one of the proudest moments of her life to be selected to formally nominate Nelson Mandela as president of South Africa.

My most vivid and treasured memory of Mandela was a visit he paid to Walter and Albertina after his farewell banquet as president. He arrived characteristically early with his wife of one year, Graca Machel. They chose to sit outside to enjoy the mild sunshine of a perfect Highveld morning. I sat and watched Mandela bask in the praise of his beloved friend Walter Sisulu, who congratulated him on an excellent job done as president and told him he had chosen exactly the right moment to retire. Graca Machel said she wished that some of Mandela's counterparts would do the same. I silently agreed. In a continent on which leaders who leave power at the height of their popularity are the exception rather than the rule, Mandela was a refreshing change.

As I enjoyed the extraordinary privilege of watching the interaction between these four remarkable people, each a legend in their own right, I realised I had never seen Mandela look so laidback, so relaxed and happy. When I commented to MaSisulu [Albertina] afterwards that Mandela seemed to be relieved of the burden of power, she said it was Graca Machel who was responsible for his newfound happiness. I asked her whether it was true that along with Archbishop Desmond Tutu, she had pressured Graca and Mandela to marry, she said, "Yes of course, they had to set a good example, and Graca is a lady, just the right person for Madiba."

MaSisulu's words came to mind a few years later at Mandela's 85th birthday party, organised by his children and grandchildren. It was an amazing party whose guestlist included Queen Juliana of the Netherlands and Oprah Winfrey. For the first time on a public stage we saw the Mandela children doing their own personal tribute to their father. One of Mandela's greatest sources of pain was the price his family had to pay for his incarceration. He could not attend the funeral of his son Thembekile, tragically killed in a car accident while Mandela was on Robben Island. His son Makgatho and daughters Makaziwe, Zenani and Zindzi suffered immense difficulty as a result of their father's incarceration, and the struggles of his second wife, Winnie, are well documented.

Mandela was released from prison into the clutches of his political organisation, his country and a world that could not get enough of this global icon. His family had precious little time to make up for the lost years, and the 85th birthday party was one of those opportunities. Mandela was clearly overwhelmed and it was the first time I ever saw him struggle to find the words for the occasion.

He spoke about the importance of the fight against stigma affecting people who have HIV/Aids and spoke about a young boy whom he assisted. As he rambled on, Graca got up and gently nudged him. "Oh, my wife wants me to shut up!" he said, and promptly sat down. Graca then went on say what her husband should have said, thanking each and every one of the children and grandchildren for a truly wonderful party.

My personal debt to Nelson Mandela is for the support he gave me during the writing of my biography of Walter and Albertina Sisulu. He dotted the i's and crossed the t's on sections of the manuscript that I gave him. He pressured me to see the rest of the manuscript, and he unhesitatingly wrote the foreword for the book, spoke at the launch and encouraged the UK publisher of his own biography to publish my book.

I could give many more examples of Mandela's extraordinary generosity to our family and many others, but at this time what resonates most is the support from Tata, Graca and the whole Mandela family on the deaths of Walter and Albertina Sisulu, our precious son Mlungisi junior in 2008 and our beloved brother Zwelakhe in 2012. Zwelakhe was particularly close to the Mandela children and was Mandela's first press secretary after his release in 1990. His loss was just as keenly felt by the Mandela family, and the message from Graca Machel and the funeral tribute by Makaziwe Mandela expressed the depth of that bond.

As we bury this global icon, liberation struggle hero, Isithwalandwe [this is the highest honour awarded by the ANC to those who have made an outstanding contribution and sacrifice to the liberation struggle], the foremost architect of South Africa's democracy, I think that if we feel this loss so deeply, what must it be for his family? My heart goes out to them, one and all.

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