French Women Don't Get Facelifts? Oh, please. Let's talk real tips on ageing

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/dec/15/ageing-with-grace-tips-mireille-guiliano

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Some books should come with an eye-roll sticker attached. French Women Don't Get Facelifts: The Secret of Ageing With Style and Attitude, by Mireille Guiliano would be a perfect candidate. Guilliano is the woman who brought us the best selling downer, French Women Don't Get Fat – a book long on lines like, "As a rule, half a pound of anything in one sitting is too much", but short on references (total: five) to smoking, which French women are famous for as a diet aid. Yes, we all know it kills you, but it does keep you thin in the process.

It's time to move on. None of us is getting any younger. Although you'd never know it in France if Guiliano is to be believed. That skin! Those scarves! So much more elegant than whatever it is you are doing to look passable in your wrinkly little corner of the world.

Or is it? A few pages into this book, I wondered if in these days of global style and aging-is-a-state-of-mind, the chic, middle-aged French school uniform with a dash of cold cream look is still relevant. Also – who ARE the "French women" Guiliano is talking about? Celebrities like Catherine Deneuve and Brigitte Bardot, of course. But looking fabulous has been their career, and we might be forgiven for thinking they've actually had a bit of work done along the way.

Guiliano also talks about her own posse, which is not a poor one. This is a demographic that regularly takes the plane from Paris to New York, and likes to enjoy brief breaks in homes in Provence where the ladies mull over the virtues of afghan versus lupine oil, while wearing head scarves to protect their do's from the midday sun. The average French woman in the street doesn't get much of a look in here.

In saying "French Women Don't Get Face Lifts" Guiliano implicitly suggests that the rest of us do. So do we? Have you? Speaking for a non-French demographic of one person (myself), I can answer with complete honesty: no. Nor have I partaken "in a little Botox or another filler" which Guiliano allows is often the French way.

Some of what Guiliano writes is sensible, if not entirely ground breaking. But it made us wonder what you thought. So we called out to you to tell us your Secrets of Aging with Style and Attitude and, were overwhelmed to hear from so many of you who contacted us from Australia, Canada, the UK, the US, Spain, Germany, Malta, Italy, South Africa, Albania the Caribbean and – yes – even France. Your ages ran the gamut. We had contributions from women in their 20's and in their 80's. Though to be honest, the majority of you were bundled in the middle years.

What do you feel about ageing? In general, you believe in sun screen, you don't think women should show their knees after a certain age, though you feel less strongly about cleavage. You're not that worried about your weight, or your health. You're a cheerful bunch who are taking getting older on the chin.

So we've put together a summary of Mireille Guiliano's anti-aging tips with input from Guardian readers around the world. Think of it as French Women with foot notes.

Dress Code

Guiliano:

I am confident in mentioning such staples of French wardrobes as a good cardigan sweater in a neutral color. Other staples include, of course, a little black dress, a white blouse with high collar, a tailored jacket, well cut and fitted pants, a stylish and comfortable travel outfit, a classic raincoat, and naturellement, scarves and belts to accessorize and turn one outfit into three.

Carol, 60, Florida:

I love the rules for Japanese women wearing kimonos: colored and flowers for young women only, then a prescribed fade-to-black formula based on age.

Sarah, 45, London:

If your waist has become a bit thicker, forget about the low-rise jeans. They will only make you look older and a bit silly.

Rita, 63, Mendelson, Australia:

We of the baby boomer generation are changing the rules – I still wear jeans and T-shirts and as much makeup as ever.

Jackie, 50, USA:

In this part of the world, the Midwest, I've noticed lots of women over 50 wear jeans with fake rhinestones on the back pockets, surely they are meant to be worn only by teens! It's so tacky.

Makeup

Guliano:

Less is more. A touch of lipstick, sure. A thin line of eyeliner, sure. A little cover-up base and a little worked-in color to raise one's cheeks and eyes, sure. Then you are on your own.

Lesley, 54, Sydney Australia:

Your skin and hair colour change, so you need to adjust your makeup and colour choices accordingly.

Evelyn 'nearly 77' Bradford on Avon:

Use makeup, or you look washed out and old. Especially lipstick to avoid that washed-out look.

Josette, 62, Georgia:

No shiny eyecolour.

Maria, 47, St Albans:

I think you can wear anything as long as you do it with aplomb. I avoid heavy eye make up these days and go for a good quality lipstick and blusher instead, but for a party I like to emphasise my eyelashes.

Hair-Cut and Color

Guiliano:

Perhaps try a semi-permanent hair color first. And there is always the option of trying a new hair-cut that satisfies for now and puts off the question a bit longer.

Laura, 34, Albania:

The only problem I have with some women ageing is their hair length. Somehow long hair looks wrong to me. So much more attractive either cut short or taken up.

Wendy, 59, Sydney:

Keep dying your hair, but if you go grey, have a funky immaculate haircut. Nothing is worse than long grey hair!

Jean, 75, Portland, Oregon:

I like my grey hair and wear it in a short style.

Nicola, 42, Warrington:

My Mum still follows fashion in a very tasteful way. Her hair looks so much better grey than it did when she tried to dye it.

Zoe, 39, Sydney:

Don't colour your hair more than two shades lighter or darker than you are naturally.

Alisa, 38, New York:

Don't go gray, go platinum.

Attitude

Guiliano:

For me it's about being bien dans sa peau (comfortable in one's skin).

Nedret, 51, Santa Fe:

Enjoy your wisdom more than your mirror.

Maja, 58, Los Angeles:

The best thing about getting older is that you don't have to be graceful about it.

Shaw, 38, Boston:

I read somewhere that this group of 100-year-old women in China sit on the ground and stand up again 8 times a day. That seems to be a good way to stay fit and able – try to never lose the ability to sit on the floor and get back up again on your own.

Hazel, 63, West Sussex:

Don't take yourself too seriously; have fun and live in the moment.

Role Models

In general the same celebrity names came up over and over again both with Guiliano and with you, Helen Mirren, Catherine Deneuve, Meryl Streep, Isabella Rosellini and Christine Lagarde were big faves. And Judi Dench was very popular with our readers.

But the best comments by far where when you described members of your own family. So if you want to age with style and attitude look no further than your own relatives. They seem to be the inspiration for all time.

Carol, 55, Bloomington:

My beautiful mother is my role model. Her hair began turning prematurely silver around the age of 30 but she accepted it without any fretting or fuss. Her hair eventually paled from a beautiful frosted silver to a pearl-like white, but throughout all of its natural shadings it framed her lovely face in a distinctive manner. People used to gaze admiringly at her.

Jo, 84, Boise:

My maternal aunt. She was endowed with good skin (no big pores or acne scars), was forced to go to work after a failed marriage to a womanizing husband, in the 20's. She did so with grace and verve at a time when few middle class women worked outside the home. She never got fat and retained her sense of style until late in life, when she became frail. She died in her early 90's.

Cynthia, 65, Friday Harbor, WA:

My father, who was always my role model in everything. He was athletic and vigorous and loved life and laughed a lot. It was around age 84 that he started slowing down. He had a knee replacement and I asked him "Can you still dance?" and he said "Yes, but not like you dance." I can't dance every dance for three sets anymore, but I can do two. I know my Dad would approve of that.

Jennifer, 58 UK:

My Grandmother who never wore makeup and had beautiful skin. A woman's natural face is beautiful and tells the story of her life, wrinkles and all.

DJ Foster, Washington DC:

My Mother was a great ageing role model. In her 70s, she resumed swimming lessons to enable her to learn the crawl. She was good at the backstroke and breaststroke. My Mom & Dad continued their ballroom dancing into their late 70s. A very reasonable facial cream was used at bedtime and light make-up, mascara and lipstick, during the day. It all worked.

Shaw, 38, Boston:

My grandmother – she is 96 and mostly blind and deaf, but she loves life and lives every day to the fullest. Her energy keeps her so vibrant that until she needs your help getting down the stairs you never think of her age. She says she feels like "a little old lady in tennis shoes," but that's her look and she works it. If I get to be her age, I would be so lucky to have her dynamism and wit.

Laura, 34, Albania:

My grandmother, she kept her white hair, wore her plain communist dress and never paid much attention to her looks. She belong to a generation of women who prided themselves not on their looks but their integrity.

Aneta, 47, Los Angeles:

The father of a close friend of mine has aged wonderfully – he's 77, healthy and active, running daily. To look good, you need to feel good. If you want to feel good, live a balanced life and stay active.

MJ, 36, Valencia:

My Mum. Used to be thin as a rake. Had children. Still thin after. Grew older became heavier. Now has a big soft warm belly that I love to put my arms around. Never once told me to eat less or to lose a bit of weight. Am shocked when my friends' mothers say their daughters ought to lose weight.

Marion, 59, Spain:

My mother (now deceased). She married a man 15 years her junior, wore her hair down to her waist, dressed to please herself (and my stepfather!), danced until the day she died. She was warm, caring, sociable, independent, capable and open-minded. She was beautiful both within and without.

What do you feel about ageing? Do you have any tips you'd like to share or role models you want us to know about? Add your opinions in our comments section below.

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