Pet names are nothing to be ashamed of, Babykins
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Version 0 of 1. Marrying into the royal family bestows many privileges upon you. You get the run of Buckingham Palace, the Bentleys and, presumably, the chance to go wrist-deep into her Maj's bowls of bombay mix without fear of recrimination. But if reports are to be believed, your royally romantic nickname might leave something to be desired. During the ongoing phone-hacking trial, the court heard that the Duchess of Cambridge had her voicemail intercepted back in 2006, when she was still K Middy, and during one message Prince William referred to the future queen of England as "babykins". Babykins. It's not exactly worthy of Henry Miller, is it? It's not even as sparky as "Gladys", the name that Prince Charles, came up with for Camilla, which hints at all sorts of glorious private jokes. (Charles is "Fred".) The kindest thing you can say about babykins is that it is unimaginatively constructed. The least kind thing is that when you picture the sort of man who might say it, you envisage a chap who calls his grandmother "nanny" and refuses to learn how to work a washing machine, despite being well into his 50s. I think we all hoped Prince William was a little bit cooler than that. However, show me a couple with whimsical, witty, beautifully constructed pet names for each other and I'll show you a relationship that has all the depth and believability of an Instagram feed. A pet name should be a bit ridiculous. They're not meant to reflect your very essence, and everything fine about you. They're supposed to be goofy, soppy and cosy. The sort of thing that only a partner could possibly get away with calling you, because if anyone else tried it, you would never speak to them ever again. If your lover has christened you with a fancy moniker that sums up your love of fine wine or French pop, I'd suspect it's because they struggle to remember the most important parts of your personality and they're using the nickname as an aide-memoire. Pet names are annoyingly organic. They evolve within relationships and, unfortunately, you don't get to choose your own. You might be an engineer and DIY enthusiast who spends your life under cars and up ladders, but if your partner persists in calling you "princess", I'm afraid them's the breaks. An ex-boyfriend called me by my surname for the duration of our two-year relationship. I didn't like it, he tried to stop doing it, but it had stuck, so all of our tender romantic moments had a bit of a boys' boarding-school feel. I know slender ladies who got stuck with "sausage"; dreamy gentlemen who go by "tiger"; a youthful, decidedly non-reptilian "gorgeousaurus"; and one very handsome, fully grown man who is called "egg". Racing pundit John McCirrick famously calls his wife Jenny "the booby", apparently after a "South African bird which flaps and squawks". It's specific, inventive and, in his mind, accurate – but to my mind, it's quite horrible. Nicknames might not be yours for the choosing, but I'd always pick something unimaginative and generic over something unique but unkind. However, pet names have no real meaning on their own – it always depends on the person saying them. A persistent stranger calling you "baby" in a club is a creep – but when it's spoken tenderly, by a person you're particularly fond of, it has an entirely different resonance. Prince William's choice of pet name is that of a person confident and secure enough to put intimacy over ego. A man who isn't afraid to call his girlfriend "babykins" on her voicemail is a man who isn't afraid of his feelings, and who understands that being in love should feel a bit like being in a brilliant gang. If the nickname sounds a little bit saccharine to us, that's because it wasn't meant for our ears. Our editors' picks for the day's top news and commentary delivered to your inbox each morning. |