Prince William: sustainable course in how to be a king: very few need apply

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/05/prince-william-cambridge-course

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As announced by Clarence House, Prince William has been granted a place on his own "bespoke" course devised by the Cambridge Programme for Sustainability Leadership, of which his father, the Prince of Wales, is patron. Understandably, other graduates and their parents are eager to know if similar opportunities might be available.

Frequently Asked Questions include: is a bespoke, masters-level course in running a duchy available at a university near me? And what of the Cambridge entry requirements? Is renaming yourself Cambridge a precondition, along with a biological connection with the CPSL's patron? Do mature candidates need a 2:1 in geography from St Andrews or did the prince's extensive experience in fancy dress and polo translate into a qualifying skill set?

How does the University of Cambridge facilitate the learning needs of differently abled princes? Does this bespoke course, some also ask, illustrate a welcoming, commercial pragmatism that now allows virtually anyone to buy into Cambridge or, to the contrary, expose the university's continued willingness to reserve special academic favours for male members of the British royal family? And just what is involved in a Duke of Cambridge bespoke course in agricultural management?

From the outset, it should be stressed that, while being entirely accessible to non-princes, a course such as the University of Cambridge's 10-week professional development course in Being Prince William is likely to appeal primarily to retired English princes of that name, preferably with previous experience in air-sea rescue and, more importantly, a proven interest in running a 133,000-acre private estate spread over 23 counties. Although the issues and context are largely duchy or palace-specific, the practitioner-led faculty will ensure that participants in this course benefit from opportunities to network with non-landed students who share a common sustainability agenda, eg, during comfort breaks, while taking selfies, etc.

But the unique feature of this deep learning journey set in the heart of historic Cambridge will, as reported, be its delivery by a partnership between various university bodies involved with the respected occultist HRH the Prince of Wales, whose 1982 address to the BMA on Paracelsus's four pillars of healing, first identified him as a catalyst for social change. In every aspect, the Being Prince William course will train future princes to communicate the challenges of land ownership in an integrated and interdisciplinary manner and to think creatively about royalty solutions across economic sectors (see in particular module 2, facilitating an enabling environment for sustainable palace refurbishment). Particular emphasis is placed on ethical and moral concerns (see in particular module 3, six homes or seven – how to live with less).

The course will seek to build the future sovereign's capacity for sustainable reigning and create a safe space to explore, among other things, the knowledge networks that link international wildlife conservation and locally holistic fox disposal, and to reconcile sustainability with innovative thinking on duchy profitability, currently estimated at no more than £19m per annum.

Length and dates of course: 10 weeks, 11.30-11.45am, Mondays-Tuesdays, coffee and sustainable refreshments incl.

Academic requirement: at least a C in GCSE Twister, or equivalent, but this could also be three to five years' relevant vacation experience in an aquatic role or similar. For those with a strong surfing/jet-ski background, Cambridge has several faculty members who are leaders in the areas of lolz and advanced banter. The William course is delivered by a world-class faculty that includes senior courtiers and contemporary bowing practitioners. Excellent maths ability is essential and you should not apply if you are unable to employ someone with the relevant skills.

English language requirement: proficiency is vital at a very high level and all candidates must have the Oxford reading tree to level five, The Magic Key, or be fluent in plant. Adherence to this requirement is strict. But the language requirement may be waived, at the discretion of the academy, for any candidate able to make an unusually strong commitment to the advancement of magical thinking in Cambridge, eg by endowing a relevant institute. Note to parents: normally this investment comes with the guarantee of an en-suite bathroom in your child's college of choice.

Applicants should provide a letter from their father confirming that the relevant duchy funds are in place and a character reference from the Queen.

Although this course does not result in a formal qualification, and no certificates are offered, all successful candidates will receive a (bronze) sustainability badge on completion, entitling the holder to a discount at Waitrose. Moreover, as patron, the Prince of Wales holds regular symposiums at which CPSL alumni can explore commercial responses to what he has identified as "the nightmare that for so many of us now looms on the horizon".

The bespoke William programme consists of core courses, providing a rigorous grounding in rent collection, upscale biscuit manufacture and the covert exploitation of the duchy's legislative vetos. A range of elective modules will cover all the main duchy areas of sustainable tax avoidance and exemption, accompanied by an extended assignment enabling the integration of ethical theory and practice in the sphere of duchy business transactions, whose exact nature cannot be publicised in case Margaret Hodge finds out.

Throughout the course, with its focus on experiential learning, duchy accountants and bailiffs will demonstrate how to seize intestate assets still legally due, under the process of bona vacantia, to the absolute owners of medieval fiefdoms who only pay tax voluntarily. The Prince of Wales will himself offer private tutorials in coercive letter writing (green ink is provided), for ethical adjustments in public policy; also lectures on contemporary resilience, starting this week with "The perils of cheap food".

It is his experience, the prince will say, that "if you drill down into what is actually happening", inexpensive diets are a killer. "We all know that type 2 diabetes and other obesity-related conditions are rapidly on the increase." In lecture two, he sets out the extraordinary resilience of iconic, Duchy Original biscuits, now available with a dark chocolate coating.

Due to the heavy academic demands of this course, participating dukes will be expected further to reduce their official engagements for the duration. In the interests of transparency, all course work will be submitted to an external examiner, the Duchess of Cornwall.

Possibly anticipating the objection that, as a nod to post-Restoration values, William might have chosen a less self-serving line of study, even picked an institute not founded by his father, the palace states: "The duke is considering a number of options for public service, a further announcement on which will follow in due course." But it need not have bothered. If the last week is any guide, British subjects would react with joy and admiration to the news that William is to spend the next three months inside a secluded Kensington salon, studying organic solutions to male-pattern hair loss.

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