Trouble on the home front for David Cameron & Co

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jan/08/trouble-home-front-david-cameron-michael-gove

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<strong>Osborne:</strong> Terrible weather we've been having.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Tell me about it. The Boxing Day hunt got cancelled so Raisa and I had to stay indoors all day.

<strong>Crosby:</strong> It might be a good idea to get out and meet a few of the little people who've had their homes flooded.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> What? And spoil my Christmas break? It's not my fault if all these idiots buy Barratt homes built on flood-plains.

<strong>Crosby:</strong> I don't think you're quite getting this, David.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Oh all right then. Hello village people. I'm sure your carpets will dry out soon. Goodbye.

<strong>Village people:</strong> Couldn't the government be doing a little more?

<strong>Cameron:</strong> I'm very busy. I've got some new-year honours to hand out to my hairdresser and a few Tory donors.

<strong>Gove:</strong> And there's a war to be fought.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Is there?

<strong>Gove:</strong> The first world war. It's come to my attention that some of you pinkos are under the impression that British imperialism might have played a part in starting the conflict and that British generals might have made a few blunders.

<strong>Every historian except Max Hastings:</strong> Erm, yes.

<strong>Gove:</strong> That's just not true. It was the filthy Boche that started it. They were 100% responsible. Well, let's say 98%. Because I'm sure the Romanians and the Bulgarians would have started it if they'd thought of it.

<strong>Theresa May:</strong> That's why we must be ever-vigilant about tracking down any eastern European coming to this country to scrounge our benefits.

<strong>Osborne:</strong> Cuts. That's what we need. Cuts, cuts and more cuts. Especially for the poor.

<strong>Duncan Smith:</strong> Fear not. The situation is in hand. I've managed to bugger up the IT system for the delivery of universal credit so totally that soon no one will be getting anything.

<strong>Gove:</strong> But we've got to get the Bulgarians and Romanians out of here fast. They are setting up camp in Kent and will have invaded Belgium by August if we're not careful.

<strong>Prince William:</strong> Excuse me, little man. Shouldn't you be doing more to help people from disadvantaged backgrounds with no qualifications go to university?

<strong>Gove:</strong> Good thinking. Fancy going to Cambridge.

<strong>Cameron:</strong> Happy new year everyone.

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