Hand-wringing and harassment

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jan/21/hand-wringing-and-harrassment

Version 0 of 1.

Enough of this "we're all victims" hand-wringing (Why make such a fuss? Here's why, Lord Rennard, 21 January). I worked for the Liberal party in the House of Commons from 1976 until 1987, and it may surprise some that neither my female colleagues nor I put up with constant manhandling because we were either too ambitious for political advancement or too stupid to recognise it as sexual harassment. It simply didn't happen. Of course there was the occasional hand on knee or hug from a male MP or member of staff. If it was unwelcome, it was dealt with firmly at the time and there the matter ended, with no tears and no years of depression or counselling required for either party.

Perhaps it is a generational issue, but I resent being made a victim by Polly Toynbee and those Liberal Democrat activists who seem to have allowed a few embarrassing incidents to blight their lives and the lives of others, and with a few facile generalisations have also managed (perhaps inadvertently) to tarnish the reputations of those women who have had political success.

By screaming "sexual harassment" at the slightest touch, they trivialise the real humiliation and violence suffered by too many women every day. By depicting women as too fragile to deal with the occasional clumsy approach without the intervention of a more powerful male, they undermine our achievements in the workplace and beyond.Jackie WinterAddress supplied

• Workplace harassment needs to be handled according to the problem. If a place of work has a sensitive enough policy with trained mediators/counsellors to implement the policy and deal with the issue at a very early stage then the rarely successful "costly employment tribunal cases" Polly Toynbee refers to can be avoided. A method that lets a person know their behaviour is unacceptable is often the first step. The four Lib Dem women would sit in a room, with a friend if necessary, and tell Lord Rennard how they felt when he did what he did. He could also have a friend with him. Being publicly confronted in this way allows him to hear the impact of his behaviour and is a first stage. It is vital to support and empower the "victims" and turn them into "survivors" who can learn how to deal with the problem if it ever happens again.

If the behaviour does not stop, then the matter can be taken further to disciplinary level. Sometimes, several meetings with either side or with both sides is required. With 20-plus years' experience of dealing with staff (colleagues and managers) and student problems, from teenage cyberbullying to thoughtless management groping, I found that the "perpetrator" rarely uses the words "I'm sorry" but will often respond positively to the question "Can you understand and acknowledge why your behaviour is not acceptable?" A suitable remedy can usually be found but may not be enshrined in policy.

Developing a trustworthy outsider status to encourage people to come forward (even if they only think it is a "trivial" matter), to manage the whole process and support both sides, means people may be able to get back to their work and their lives. Agreement to address harassment and bullying must be verbalised from the top management and "collusion" with one's fellow managers is not acceptable. Talking to the "perpetrators" about their behaviour sometimes worked. Initially being accused of being a "persecuting witch" by one senior manager was only helpful in that it made me more determined to put the item on the agenda, assist those affected by it and wherever possible reduce the impact on them. At least the perpetrators knew I was "watching" them and sometimes that really was enough to stop the behaviour.Carole MossFormer equality manager and head of student services at Bradford College

• I would have more time for the views of Lord Rennard's "friends" (Rennard threatens legal action after Lib Dem suspension, 21 January) if any of them were female; certainly none have raised their head above the parapet. Is this not just the equivalent of the Conservative Bullingdon Club transferred to the Liberal Democrats?Maureen PantonMalvern, Worcestershire

• "[T]he portly peer … this physically unprepossessing man"? Had similarly unflattering and irrelevant remarks been made about the physical appearance of a woman, Ms Toynbee would doubtless be incandescent. Surely what's unacceptable for the goose is also unacceptable for the gander.Peter WrigleyBirstall, Yorkshire