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Ed Miliband's softly-softly catches monkeys at PMQs Ed Miliband's softly-softly catches monkeys at PMQs
(about 9 hours later)
The Syrian warring parties were gathering in Montreux as MPs filed into the Commonson Wednesday and, for some, that demanded a mood of respectful sobriety. Millions of Syrians were huddled in refugee camps, many thousands had been murdered by the regime. Not a day for political oneupmanship or that juvenile raspberry-blowing that MPs like to indulge in on Wednesday lunchtimes. The Syrian warring parties were gathering in Montreux as MPs filed into the Commons on Wednesday and, for some, that demanded a mood of respectful sobriety. Millions of Syrians were huddled in refugee camps, many thousands had been murdered by the regime. Not a day for political oneupmanship or that juvenile raspberry-blowing that MPs like to indulge in on Wednesday lunchtimes.
That's what Ed Miliband was hoping, anyway. The opposite side of the house, needless to say, had other plans. The publication of cheeringly upbeat employment figures had brought a detectable extra bounce to the steps of those filling the government benches for prime minister's questions, and a thrum of anticipatory Tory and Lib Dem hand-rubbing.That's what Ed Miliband was hoping, anyway. The opposite side of the house, needless to say, had other plans. The publication of cheeringly upbeat employment figures had brought a detectable extra bounce to the steps of those filling the government benches for prime minister's questions, and a thrum of anticipatory Tory and Lib Dem hand-rubbing.
It is some weeks now since Miliband cast himself as the Commons' own Ban Ki-Moon, brokering harmony where once there was discord – or at the very least trying to score his points against David Cameron in a less shouty voice.It is some weeks now since Miliband cast himself as the Commons' own Ban Ki-Moon, brokering harmony where once there was discord – or at the very least trying to score his points against David Cameron in a less shouty voice.
Labour's softly-softly approach is not, for some, getting any easier, to judge from Ed Balls's weekly Dr Strangelove-style wrestle to keep his hands locked to his knees. But for now, it is clear, it stays.Labour's softly-softly approach is not, for some, getting any easier, to judge from Ed Balls's weekly Dr Strangelove-style wrestle to keep his hands locked to his knees. But for now, it is clear, it stays.
The Commons had been silenced by tributes to two British men, one a Labour candidate, who were killed in a suicide attack in Kabul. Miliband saw no need to change the tone.The Commons had been silenced by tributes to two British men, one a Labour candidate, who were killed in a suicide attack in Kabul. Miliband saw no need to change the tone.
Last month he, Clegg and Cameron had issued a "joint statement" on Syrian refugees, he said. Everyone was agreed on the "leadership" the government had shown on aid. He "paid tribute" to the PM and international development secretary.Last month he, Clegg and Cameron had issued a "joint statement" on Syrian refugees, he said. Everyone was agreed on the "leadership" the government had shown on aid. He "paid tribute" to the PM and international development secretary.
This was all very disconcerting. Shouldn't there be some decent fisticuffs by now? But just because Miliband was talking nice didn't mean he couldn't fight dirty; the Labour leader had been quietly digging a beartrap into which the government backbenchers obligingly tumbled.This was all very disconcerting. Shouldn't there be some decent fisticuffs by now? But just because Miliband was talking nice didn't mean he couldn't fight dirty; the Labour leader had been quietly digging a beartrap into which the government backbenchers obligingly tumbled.
A rumble from the Conservative benches at a flash of Miliband sanctimony provoked a sharp rebuke. "I do not think honourable members should groan on this issue; I really do not." There was an uncomfortable shuffle of Tory buttocks.A rumble from the Conservative benches at a flash of Miliband sanctimony provoked a sharp rebuke. "I do not think honourable members should groan on this issue; I really do not." There was an uncomfortable shuffle of Tory buttocks.
It didn't last, however. They moved, as they had to, to employment, and Cameron bent to lace his gloves. "It is worth pausing for a moment over what these statistics show today," said the PM, who had had his own internal grapple with a smile.It didn't last, however. They moved, as they had to, to employment, and Cameron bent to lace his gloves. "It is worth pausing for a moment over what these statistics show today," said the PM, who had had his own internal grapple with a smile.
Wages remained low only because he was still clearing up Labour's mess! Miliband was an arsonist and he was the fire brigade! "Every week the leader of the opposition comes here and raises a new problem that he created."Wages remained low only because he was still clearing up Labour's mess! Miliband was an arsonist and he was the fire brigade! "Every week the leader of the opposition comes here and raises a new problem that he created."
That bounced the Labour leader on to his feet: "The prime minister comes here every week and does his Bullingdon club routine." He wasn't wrong – Cameron used almost exactly the same formulation last week. And yet the bait had been taken. The peace initiative was looking decidedly shaky.That bounced the Labour leader on to his feet: "The prime minister comes here every week and does his Bullingdon club routine." He wasn't wrong – Cameron used almost exactly the same formulation last week. And yet the bait had been taken. The peace initiative was looking decidedly shaky.
On the backbenches, this was great news. The Brighton Tory MP Simon Kirby attempted a pop at Ukip. over its very gay and "nearly always very sunny" microclimate. Labour's Michael McCann had a prod at Nick Clegg – "as the deputy prime minister knows, sorry is still the hardest word to say" – that provoked a round of heckling and a rebuke to both sides from the Speaker.On the backbenches, this was great news. The Brighton Tory MP Simon Kirby attempted a pop at Ukip. over its very gay and "nearly always very sunny" microclimate. Labour's Michael McCann had a prod at Nick Clegg – "as the deputy prime minister knows, sorry is still the hardest word to say" – that provoked a round of heckling and a rebuke to both sides from the Speaker.
"This is supposed to be questions to the prime minister, not a Punch and Judy show." Perhaps for the first time this year, MPs were not so sure."This is supposed to be questions to the prime minister, not a Punch and Judy show." Perhaps for the first time this year, MPs were not so sure.