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Noah: is it going to be a disaster movie, or just a disaster? Noah: is it going to be a disaster movie, or just a disaster?
(2 months later)
It's hard to figure out what Darren Aronofsky's Noah film is going to be like, isn't it? There's just so much conflicting information. On one hand it's directed by Darren Aronofsky, a man who, even when he fails, still manages to create work that's fearless and original. Then again, the trailer looks a bit like it could be for something by Roland Emmerich. Reports suggest that early screenings of Noah left Paramount worried, but then again, Aronofsky should be producing work that baffles executives. And Noah stars Russell Crowe from Gladiator, but then again it also stars Russell Crowe from Robin Hood. See? It's hopeless.It's hard to figure out what Darren Aronofsky's Noah film is going to be like, isn't it? There's just so much conflicting information. On one hand it's directed by Darren Aronofsky, a man who, even when he fails, still manages to create work that's fearless and original. Then again, the trailer looks a bit like it could be for something by Roland Emmerich. Reports suggest that early screenings of Noah left Paramount worried, but then again, Aronofsky should be producing work that baffles executives. And Noah stars Russell Crowe from Gladiator, but then again it also stars Russell Crowe from Robin Hood. See? It's hopeless.
See if this film is playing near you
If you were waiting to scan a Noah poster for clues in the hope that it'd make up your mind, you're out of luck. Because look what it consists of. There's Russell Crowe's giant head, frowning at something in the bottom left of the picture. There's Jennifer Connelly's tiny head, windswept and fused on to Noah's shoulder. Emma Watson's turned her head away from both of them, perhaps because she's sulking. Logan Lerman's confused by a hammer. Ray Winstone can see whatever Crowe and Connelly are looking at, and he doesn't seem all that chuffed about it either.If you were waiting to scan a Noah poster for clues in the hope that it'd make up your mind, you're out of luck. Because look what it consists of. There's Russell Crowe's giant head, frowning at something in the bottom left of the picture. There's Jennifer Connelly's tiny head, windswept and fused on to Noah's shoulder. Emma Watson's turned her head away from both of them, perhaps because she's sulking. Logan Lerman's confused by a hammer. Ray Winstone can see whatever Crowe and Connelly are looking at, and he doesn't seem all that chuffed about it either.
So what can the Noah poster tell us about the film itself? Well, it tells us that there's going to be a lot of water. It tells us that the ark is either six times as big as Ray Winstone's entire head or roughly the same size as one of Russell Crowe's ears. It tells us that you probably shouldn't trust Logan Lerman to put up any shelves for you. None of which is all that helpful.So what can the Noah poster tell us about the film itself? Well, it tells us that there's going to be a lot of water. It tells us that the ark is either six times as big as Ray Winstone's entire head or roughly the same size as one of Russell Crowe's ears. It tells us that you probably shouldn't trust Logan Lerman to put up any shelves for you. None of which is all that helpful.
Perhaps we should start looking at it differently. Perhaps we should start looking for movies that have posters similar to Noah's and work from there. For example, the Noah poster features the same layout, colour scheme and hammer as the Thor 2 poster, so perhaps Aronofsky has augmented the classic biblical themes with some imagery from Norse mythology. It shares the same broad design (a selection of faces superimposed on a relatively meaningless backdrop) as Sylvester Stallone's Bullet to the Head , which suggests that Noah will coerce the animals to join the ark by stripping to his waist and shooting them until they blow up. And, if you drop the Noah poster into Google Images, it takes you to a fanart poster for Prometheus, which suggests that the whole thing is likely to be incredibly dreary and annoying.Perhaps we should start looking at it differently. Perhaps we should start looking for movies that have posters similar to Noah's and work from there. For example, the Noah poster features the same layout, colour scheme and hammer as the Thor 2 poster, so perhaps Aronofsky has augmented the classic biblical themes with some imagery from Norse mythology. It shares the same broad design (a selection of faces superimposed on a relatively meaningless backdrop) as Sylvester Stallone's Bullet to the Head , which suggests that Noah will coerce the animals to join the ark by stripping to his waist and shooting them until they blow up. And, if you drop the Noah poster into Google Images, it takes you to a fanart poster for Prometheus, which suggests that the whole thing is likely to be incredibly dreary and annoying.
It's no use. The Noah poster doesn't tell us anything important about the film. The only way to see what Noah is like is to go and watch it. That said, if it does turn out to be identical to Mission: Impossible III , remember that I told you so.It's no use. The Noah poster doesn't tell us anything important about the film. The only way to see what Noah is like is to go and watch it. That said, if it does turn out to be identical to Mission: Impossible III , remember that I told you so.