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| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| Cate Blanchett, for most of us a joint inbox is Pandora's box | |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| For Nietzsche, the answer lay in good conversation. For Chairman Mao it was in | For Nietzsche, the answer lay in good conversation. For Chairman Mao it was in |
| equality, for Jane Austen it was a balance between passion and prudence, and | equality, for Jane Austen it was a balance between passion and prudence, and |
| for Bette Davis, a $15m will and the promise of imminent death. | for Bette Davis, a $15m will and the promise of imminent death. |
| But according | But according |
| to Cate Blanchett, the secret to a successful marriage is a shared email account. | to Cate Blanchett, the secret to a successful marriage is a shared email account. |
| The Oscar-nominated Australian actor this week told the Telegraph that the key to her 16-year relationship with | The Oscar-nominated Australian actor this week told the Telegraph that the key to her 16-year relationship with |
| writer-director Andrew Upton and their “well-oiled” household was her ability | writer-director Andrew Upton and their “well-oiled” household was her ability |
| to synchronise their lives through a single email address. | to synchronise their lives through a single email address. |
| This counsel to seek romantic longevity in the inbox rather than the bedroom may come as a disappointment to some. However, it | This counsel to seek romantic longevity in the inbox rather than the bedroom may come as a disappointment to some. However, it |
| reflects the reality that increasingly, couples are merging their virtual as | reflects the reality that increasingly, couples are merging their virtual as |
| well as their private and public lives. | well as their private and public lives. |
| For some, establishing shared email or other social media accounts is a new marker of commitment, like a joint bank account or shared | For some, establishing shared email or other social media accounts is a new marker of commitment, like a joint bank account or shared |
| house-key. In instances of cyber-aversion, as is reportedly Upton’s case, there | house-key. In instances of cyber-aversion, as is reportedly Upton’s case, there |
| is an appealing pragmatism to such arrangements. Someone wading through my LinkedIn updates and Amazon receipts seems a | is an appealing pragmatism to such arrangements. Someone wading through my LinkedIn updates and Amazon receipts seems a |
| strong grounds for pledging my unconditional love. | strong grounds for pledging my unconditional love. |
| However, volunteering to | However, volunteering to |
| share passwords, points to the more obvious question of trust and transparency. | share passwords, points to the more obvious question of trust and transparency. |
| It allows scrutiny of all facets of our social as well as bureaucratic selves – not | It allows scrutiny of all facets of our social as well as bureaucratic selves – not |
| merely the fact that you still subscribe to Jennifer Anniston’s Buzzfeed, but if | merely the fact that you still subscribe to Jennifer Anniston’s Buzzfeed, but if |
| and when you last logged onto OKCupid or the unpalatable truth of what you | and when you last logged onto OKCupid or the unpalatable truth of what you |
| really think about your colleagues/in-laws/acquaintances. | really think about your colleagues/in-laws/acquaintances. |
| Opening up one’s email | Opening up one’s email |
| account is the new going-to-the-loo-with-the-door-open relationship | account is the new going-to-the-loo-with-the-door-open relationship |
| frontier. Either you conduct your affairs in an extremely sanitary manner, or | frontier. Either you conduct your affairs in an extremely sanitary manner, or |
| you are prepared to be caught doing things that are undignified, unpleasant and | you are prepared to be caught doing things that are undignified, unpleasant and |
| probably taboo. | probably taboo. |
| The revelations found in most our current-day inboxes means that for | The revelations found in most our current-day inboxes means that for |
| many relationships they are the last bastion of trust. While recent studies document | many relationships they are the last bastion of trust. While recent studies document |
| that one in five men keeps a secret email address for their partner, other entrepreneurs | that one in five men keeps a secret email address for their partner, other entrepreneurs |
| are making a lucrative trade from hacking the accounts of suspect spouses and lovers. So | are making a lucrative trade from hacking the accounts of suspect spouses and lovers. So |
| too, some Christian groups are now encouraging establishing joint accounts as a symbol of openness | too, some Christian groups are now encouraging establishing joint accounts as a symbol of openness |
| and fidelity between couples – a bulwark against the many snares and trespasses | and fidelity between couples – a bulwark against the many snares and trespasses |
| of the web. Equally, psychologists have endorsed such signs of openness | of the web. Equally, psychologists have endorsed such signs of openness |
| and honesty, but warded against resorting the practice for reasons of mere deterrence | and honesty, but warded against resorting the practice for reasons of mere deterrence |
| or insecurity. | or insecurity. |
| So what statements are our inboxes making about our relationships? As we cleave | So what statements are our inboxes making about our relationships? As we cleave |
| unto one another to become one flesh, must we also cleave unto Gmail? I am a | unto one another to become one flesh, must we also cleave unto Gmail? I am a |
| serial (probably imprudent) sharer of toothbrushes, underpants and pin-numbers and | serial (probably imprudent) sharer of toothbrushes, underpants and pin-numbers and |
| have unthinkingly disclosed email passwords to lovers and loved-ones. But there | have unthinkingly disclosed email passwords to lovers and loved-ones. But there |
| is something decidedly unsettling in the thought of being exposed and accountable, | is something decidedly unsettling in the thought of being exposed and accountable, |
| not only for my final eBay bid on those novelty bookends, but also for all the | not only for my final eBay bid on those novelty bookends, but also for all the |
| many and varied identities I assume in other relationships – familial, social | many and varied identities I assume in other relationships – familial, social |
| or professional. | or professional. |
| Just as there is nothing less sexy than someone else’s | Just as there is nothing less sexy than someone else’s |
| Paypal receipts, it seems more desirable as well as more interesting to retain an | Paypal receipts, it seems more desirable as well as more interesting to retain an |
| element of mystique, or at least respectful autonomy, in our technologically-mediated | element of mystique, or at least respectful autonomy, in our technologically-mediated |
| lives. Social media has become yet another hallmark of identity in an | lives. Social media has become yet another hallmark of identity in an |
| individualism-obsessed culture. But retaining symbolic boundaries between our romantic | individualism-obsessed culture. But retaining symbolic boundaries between our romantic |
| relationships and broader identities does not mean retaining secrets. Rather, | relationships and broader identities does not mean retaining secrets. Rather, |
| there seems to be value in making a healthy, trusting acknowledgement that who | there seems to be value in making a healthy, trusting acknowledgement that who |
| we are in our romantic partnerships does not and cannot reflect the whole of | we are in our romantic partnerships does not and cannot reflect the whole of |
| who we are in our relations with the world. | who we are in our relations with the world. |
| The credit card or house-key, like | The credit card or house-key, like |
| the email password, might be shared for practical reasons, but it is the assumption | the email password, might be shared for practical reasons, but it is the assumption |
| that you won’t come home to find it being used to cut cocaine on your kitchen | that you won’t come home to find it being used to cut cocaine on your kitchen |
| bench (or otherwise abused), even in less-than-rosy relationship times, that is | bench (or otherwise abused), even in less-than-rosy relationship times, that is |
| the real marker of trust. | the real marker of trust. |
| According to Balzac, a man ought not marry without | According to Balzac, a man ought not marry without |
| having studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. Indeed, there may be merit | having studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. Indeed, there may be merit |
| in such studious engagement with one’s life partner, but it’s probably best not | in such studious engagement with one’s life partner, but it’s probably best not |
| to extend the dissection to our inboxes – it may be a far sight messier. | to extend the dissection to our inboxes – it may be a far sight messier. |